Addictions can be hard to understand. It is never easy for someone to realize they are addicted because they do not believe it is a real problem. They often feel misunderstood, embarrassed, guilty, depressed, along with so many more emotions. I am writing this today because I have finally taken control of my addiction of smoking weed and I long to help my current ex-bf overcome his addiction and his struggles to escape from them.
An addiction can be anything, such as shopping, looking at porn, overeating, watching tv, playing games, any habit that is used to escape your true feelings. A place to hide, a place to ignore reality and a place to not feel.
For the longest time, I used weed as a tool, a crutch, when times were getting tough it was the easy way out. For example, I started smoking weed when me and my ex-bf ended our 2 year relationship. I was talking to a new guy who sold weed, and it was something my ex never “allowed” me to do. I was tired of being controlled, I was tired of feeling the pain, and plus everyone else was doing it, so why not?
Weed became the thing I used to fall asleep at night, before long I wasn’t able to sleep without it. I told myself, it wasn’t an addiction because I didn’t do it all day, and some days I went without so I’m not that bad. Well I was wrong, my bad habits carried on with my next boyfriend Zach, he as well sold weed. I was happy to finally have someone to smoke with who was my boyfriend because I had never had that before. I didn’t realize that it would only make things more difficult. Looking back, so many memories with him are cloudy, and some I am not even sure happened the way I remember because we were high together so much of our relationship.
These bad habits carried on to my last relationship with Brant. He never had touched weed a day in his life and he greatly wanted me to stop but never threatened to leave me because of it. I couldn’t see that he was always trying to help me because he really cared about me. I was caught up in my pride, of being that girl that never wanted to be controlled again. I hurt him deeply because of it, I hung out with a guy he was uncomfortable with just so I could smoke for free. I made excuses for myself, telling him it was a way to relieve my stress and he would have to deal with it.
Now that me and him are separated I can see how much weed damaged my life and hurt the ones I loved. The last time I smoked, was a few days after our break-up. I felt I had to because weed has helped me in the past but it only made things worse, I started to feel guilty. That’s when I decided to take a stand and change my life, Brant’s words will always be the ones I hear and my motivation to never go back to weed. I can only hope to help him through his battle with his addictions.
I understand addictions are not easy to overcome, but once you realize you have a problem. That is step one. The time is now, stand up and be strong, you can change your life right now. Throw away your beer, resist the urge to go shopping or the desire to watch just one more porn video. All these things mask the truth, they are slowly destroying you and understand you are only hurting yourself more by covering up your emotions in your addiction.