Panama City

I have been wanting to write this blog for quite some time, but life kinda got in the way. I worked a lot of hours this past week, and it felt like I didn’t have time to do anything other than sleep. This past weekend I spent with Brandon, so I wasn’t able to write. So, FINALLY I can write about my trip to Panama City. I went to the beach August 28th through September 1st. It was completely unexpected. I went with Brandon’s sister, Amber and her boyfriend Trey and his parents. It was an 8 hour drive to and from the beach. Brandon and I basically just cuddled, laughed, and made fun of each other on the road trips. It still seems like a dream looking back at how much fun I had while I was there. I am so thankful that we were able to go, pretty much for free. His sister and her boyfriend paid for almost everything. We offered to pay but she wouldn’t let us. So, it truly felt nice just to sit back and enjoy everything.

Two of the days, Brandon and I decided it would be a good idea to eat a “weed” cookie and drink some mixed drinks. It took like 40 minutes before the cookie kicked in. When it did finally hit me, the world seemed more vivid, the colors were brighter and the sounds were more crisp to hear. The feeling was dreamlike. I didn’t have a worry in the world. All I could do was enjoy the moment in the present and observe everything around me. Honestly, it is still so hard to believe how silly we acted together. It felt like we have known each other our entire lives. One of the highlights of our “high” times is when we were in the pool at the condo, just holding hands and spinning together. We even started to turn our heads in circles while looking up in the sky. It was the most fun I have had in a long time, and that feeling isn’t explainable. I bet we looked like complete idiots laughing our asses off while spinning around, but we didn’t care. It felt like it was me and him in a completely different world. Another thing, we did was get into the ocean (high and buzzed) very stupid choice to be honest, because we went too far out and the waves were really rough that day. Ahhh, the memories of jumping up into the waves and feeling them crash against me… Hell yeah, I’d do it again. I choked on so much salt water, but it was worth it. 

One day, we decided to go to Gold’s Gym. We walked a whole mile in the blazing hot sun, just to discover that the gym no longer existed. The building was for lease, so we were a bit disappointed about that. It is funny looking back at that.

I felt like me and him really connected on that trip. I felt like we got so much closer and even more intimate. We were able to have sex a little despite his “problem”, it was nice just to be close to him. It was so awkward trying to have sex on the bottom of a bunk bed though. Anyways, I can still remember waking up, going into the kitchen and looking out the windows… It was so beautiful. I could see the ocean and the shore. It felt like I was dreaming once again. We would make breakfast each morning, go out onto the balcony, and that feeling alone made the whole trip worth it. 

Something about the beach really soothes my soul. It makes me feel like I am truly alive and living. Brandon was the first guy I have ever been able to go to the beach with. There were so many memories made that will never be forgotten. I can’t believe I finally found a guy who understands me and has so many things in common with me. It is hard to fathom that just 8 months ago, I was depressed with a broken heart. I still feel like my heart is broken, but I also feel like it is coming back together. This trip was definitely the highlight of my year and no matter what happens between me and Brandon, I’ll always cherish those memories.



2 thoughts on “Panama City”

  1. Glad you had a good time in Florida. I went to Tybe beach last weekend, but it was only for a day. If I had a week and money to spare, I’d definitely go to Florida with a friend or two. It’s good to cherish moments without trying to expect them to last forever because yeah…things might end when you least expect it. I can’t wait to get back into dating, but that’s a little while from now. I’m okay with that, though. Whatever works for you! Glad you’re getting better, and hope it continues to stay that way regardless of what happens.

    1. It’s a constant battle to have that mindset because I’d love to think that things would always be great but I know realistically things could end. What matters is that there is potential and good communication between two people. I feel lucky to have found it. Yeah give yourself time to deal with everything that has happened. I never expected to be in a relationship this soon. Sometimes I think I should of taken more time alone. Anyway, I hope things stay good with you too!

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