Do you ever feel as if your life is out of your control? Maybe you don’t even know who you are anymore. You may be living your life day to day feeling as if there isn’t a meaning to what you are doing. You may even feel like you don’t want to be alive and that there is no point to life. Are you experiencing feelings of self-doubt, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, emptiness, loneliness,stress, uneasiness, nervousness, or tension? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life, but you can’t seem to figure out why or what could be causing you to feel this way. Have you ever considered that you should take some time to yourself in order to figure out what is going on inside of you?
I felt this way for many years and I had no idea what could possibly be wrong with me. I felt scared, alone, and out of control for far too long. One way I filled this void was investing my life into someone else’s. I thought that I needed to be in a relationship with someone, so that these feelings would subside. When I was going through these emotions, I didn’t even realize what they were. I honestly didn’t realize that what I was doing was completely toxic and unhealthy. I have been consumed in different relationships with several guys throughout my life. It didn’t occur to me that I didn’t know who I was, because I was distracted by the relationship with them. I didn’t think about myself, or the things I wanted. I didn’t have any personal goals. I had no clue what self-improvement even meant. By being addicted to the feeling of being in love, I was distracted from the truth. I was completely unaware that by putting all my energy and focus into another person, I would develop co-dependency issues. I didn’t know that one day, I would be left so extremely heartbroken, that it would cause me to be physically sick for months.
How did I allow myself to get attached to another person in a way that completely destroyed me? By not taking time to myself. I didn’t realize “I” even existed. So, when that day came and my world as I knew it fell into a million pieces, I had to discover myself. I had to figure out exactly what I wanted out of MY life. I had no other choice but to come face to face with myself. I was a stranger to my own soul. I never had a relationship with myself and didn’t have any knowledge of where to start. So, I started writing and suddenly everything started to make sense.
I have learned more about myself in the past 2 years than my entire life combined, because I have spent time alone. I was in a place previously where I feared being alone. I didn’t want to sleep in the bed, go to the store, or go anywhere for that matter by myself. I was so dependent on another person being around me, that when the time came for me to be alone, I had no clue how to act. Now, I crave solitude. I believe it is critical to living a for-fulling life. You have to be able to understand yourself, love yourself, and create a relationship with yourself before you could ever do that with another person. This is something I didn’t understand nor did I feel like I was capable of doing.
Being addicted to the feeling of being in love, is not an easy cycle to break. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever break the cycle because I enjoy being in love, but there is a difference in my mentality. I understand how important it is to take time to figure out exactly what is going on in my head, in order to fathom the thoughts I am thinking. Also, during this time I can observe my feelings and understand why I am feeling a certain way. In my past, I didn’t take time to understand my thoughts or emotions, so I felt lost and vulnerable all the time.
You must understand that taking time to yourself is not an option. It is not something you can just decide you are not going to do. It is not something that should not be taken lightly. It is highly important you set aside time to reflect on your life. Then, from there you must understand why you are experiencing what ever it is you are going through. You must decide what the best for you. Now, this is where it gets tricky, because doing what is best for yourself is not always going to be something you want to do.
To sum this up, I strongly believe that when you spend time alone, you awaken your soul. You have to really listen to your thoughts and be gentle with yourself. You are not perfect, you are flawed. You have made mistakes, and will continue to do so. It is your responsibility to learn from your past experiences and set yourself up for a bright future.
By taking time alone, you will be able to focus on what it is you what out of your life. Don’t put anyone else in the picture when you are thinking about your life.(If you have kids, this doesn’t apply to you, because obviously you have to take their lives into consideration. Do not include significant others.) It may be hard, but know it is necessary for you to do. Once you remove all attachments from your mind, you will be left with just yourself. During this time, figure out what it is you enjoy doing, and what you would like to do more of. Start making goals and plan to do things that are going to benefit you. Whether that be going to the gym or playing your favorite game. You decide what makes you happy and nobody has any right to challenge you on that. Once you practice taking time to yourself, you will feel awake and aware. You will feel like a completely new person and the person you have been previously will no longer exist. You will be reborn.
I must emphasis that having a relationship with yourself is the most important part of your life, because once you discover who you are, you will feel a new type of happiness you could have never imagined before.