Embracing where I have been lately has been really tough, especially as I continue to learn more about myself and what things I would love to starting doing. I have felt myself change, so much over the past 6 months. There have been many up and down periods and currently I feel myself stepping back into my power. There have been some emotional things come up in my life that I wasn’t ready to handle. Mainly, by the outer world events and the political drama. Ever since I discovered who Bernie Sanders is I feel like my entire mind has been awakened to the issues of this country. I have spent many days thinking about what is happening and what could I possibility do to make things better. Also, much time has been spent watching documentaries, political and educational videos, blog posts, Facebook videos, mainstreams media. Not to mention all the different opinions I have read, perspectives, ideas, solutions, etc. I have exposed myself to another layer of our reality and it has been hard for me to accept. I realize now that I must have balance in my life. I spent so much time worried about the problems and thinking about the terrible events that it begun to drain my energy. Especially after going the Philly, volunteering for the Green Party, and attending other protests/rallies. I feel absolutely exhausted from it all. I have to remember that I have to give myself time to let all the information sink in. I have decided that I better start focusing on solutions and ways that I can contribute to the planet and the people. That can be tough, especially when I have always been so introverted. I have also realized my fear of rejection has increased due to my resent breakup. It always hurts to not be with someone who I told, “I love you to everyday.”, but knowing that I still am going to be friends with him is comforting and even confusing at times. Yet, I am trusting love the best way I know how to and also knowing that things are happening the way that it is meant to. I have to remind myself that my thoughts are going to shape my reality. So, I am trying to become more aware of my thoughts. It has been a tough at times, because I find myself getting lost in a thought and then experiencing my feelings based on whatever I am thinking. Some thoughts are harder to resist than others, especially if the emotions are strong, and even traumatic. It is easy to get lost and maybe feel down a little when this happens. One of the most important things I like to keep in mind is that it is okay it feel negative feelings. It doesn’t mean that it is good or bad. I have been too judgmental with myself and realized that I am the one who is pressuring myself and that there is not anyone else holding any expectations on me. I am the one who decides what I want to do with my life and it doesn’t matter what anyone has to say. I find myself caring about what people think sometimes, and it can cause social anxiety. Which is something very real that nobody ever wants to talk about. I know I even don’t like to think about it, but I think it is important for me too. I strongly believe that when I look at my problems right in the face and call it out for exactly what it is, usually through writing, I discover that it really healing. Sometimes, I have too many thoughts, and trying to listen to them all is really tiring, so I have been practicing meditation. Someone I listened to said something like this, “Think of your thoughts like clouds in the sky. You don’t have to listen to them, you can let them just float right by.” Basically, I am becoming aware of the thoughts that case me suffering and to experience emotions, by simply choosing to think about other things. I am doing much rewiring and unlearning. I feel like I am literally transforming into someone else… Perhaps, I am really learning who I am and realizing that I am not who I thought I was. I have spent much of my time thinking about the future or the past, causing much anxiety. Anxiety has caused me to struggle in basically every area of my life. It has been a true challenge to do things I know I have to do. Sometimes, I don’t eat correctly, have trouble being around others, feeling panic, and confused overall. Yet, I always find the power inside me to call anxiety out for what it is and not allow myself to get lost in the emotions. Panic attacks are definitely a real thing. Last year, I totally freaked out, because I randomly got lost somewhere I felt I should not be lost in, my phone died, and I was suppose to be back at work, but obviously I was late and couldn’t call anyone. There was a negative voice judging the entire event in my head. The fact was is that everything was going to be okay, no matter what. I have realized that most of the panic attacks were called from believing what was happening in my thoughts was actually happening in real life! I was experiencing emotions, because of my thoughts and ever since then it is as if something has clicked for me. I feel more in control of my life. I am more accepting of what happens without judging it as bad or good.