All posts by Brandi Nicole

Creative Projects

I went to this festival last year and I was extremely inspired by all of the creativity around me. There was music, healing arts, flow arts, paintings, glass-blowing. All types of personal creativity. Some people were dressed in costumes and dancing in their own unique way. I will never forget that place and I intend to gather with that community again in October. I have been exploring different creative projects myself. One being this blog Conquer Your Emotions. I transform my experiences into creative writing including metaphors based on my understanding of those experiences and also others perspectives that I have been exposed to. That is why I really enjoy reading different personal development books, because it is like I am peeling back layers of myself through looking at a personal experience or feeling in a different way. This process of shifting my focus on a different perspective allows me to create my own interpretation of whatever it is that is happening. I deeply want to bring the energy I have inside myself to life. I have tons of ideas and projects pop into my mind daily. I have written many of them down. If you are reading this and ever want to bring a creative idea to life through writing, craft, cooking, etc, let me know. I am open to helping other with their creative goals.

I have been making jewelry as Simply Serene Stones on Etsy. You can visit my shop here. https://www.etsy.com/shop/SimplySereneStones?ref=hdr_shop_menu

I am excited to see where this path leads me. I am setting aside all money made for something I am not sure of yet.  I want to also inspire others to support each other by spreading awareness about one another’s talents/crafts. I think we are already creating communities for self-sufficiently and towards a healthier more sustainable future for the coming generations.

I have also planted a garden this year. I am very new to growing my own food, but I figured why not plant a few things and learn along the way. I have planted arugula, spinach, swiss chard, cucumbers, strawberries, and bell peppers. I still have to plant my sunflower seeds. I may pick up a few more things in the coming weeks.

I also want to write a book about some of my deeply personal traumas and struggles to inspire others and help them heal. I feel like it is my duty to give back the same energy I have received myself. Some topics would include: codependency, attachments, addictions, relationships cycles, fear of abandonment, coping with anxiety. I know I am not in a position to write this book yet, because I am still going through some areas of my life, but this book will hopefully be manifested within the next (5) years.

I have set time aside to do things such as coloring, drawing, and watching movies. It has been tough for me to do something for fun lately. I have been so focused on a goal, achievement, becoming, etc. I have to remember to take time to let things flow. That is where music has seriously helped me let loose. I have secret dance sessions in my room a couple times a week. I let all the energy flow out of me and capture it through moving my body.

There are a couple other things I am wanting to work on, but only time will allow me to do all of these things.

Patience. Determination. and i will just keep going after the life of my dreams, because what else is there to do? Fall in line with society standards?

No way. I’m breaking out of that system, one day at a time & one step at a time all while thinking about a future where people won’t have to deal with the stresses we are facing today.

Current Thoughts: Blog Origins, Self-Discovery, Writing

Sometimes, I ask myself why am I living my life this way? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go back to college, get a normal job, and just settle into society’s standards. That’s self-doubt and it sucks. It is something I am sure we are all struggling with among many other emotions. That’s why I started this blog, because I wanted to understand my emotions and ultimately conquer them completely. In 2014, I was at the lowest point I have ever been due to foot surgery and break-up ending all at once. I had invested an incredible amount of time and energy into a relationship based upon this fantasy in my head and also I felt like my college degree was useless, because I feared the worst. In less than 4 months, my entire life was turned upside down. I also had an heated discussion with my dad, more like me telling him exactly how I felt, but the anger and hurt came out, so needless to say, we haven’t talked since. Also, my best-friend at the time quit talking to me all together. I think it was like a 10 year friendship, suddenly gone. I was spiraling down.

(The first month I was taking my pain medication mainly, because I was depressed and numbing out was the solution. I wasn’t overtaking my medication, but I made sure not to miss one dose. I know I have an addictive personality and I had to remember that when I thought about getting more of these to take after I took the last pill. Thankfully, I never actually took anymore, but I know not everyone else is not in the same boat. I live in a neighborhood where many people are addicted to them and I don’t want to go down that path. I have seen where it leads. So, I decided to deal with the pain through writing, because that’s all I felt I had left. Whoa, the emotions coming up as I reflect upon that dark time in my past.

Now, I’m wondering if this blog is too personal? Or am I just being vulnerable? Either way, I feel like the only way that we can truly learn from one another is to open up about some of our deepest struggles.

Alcohol soon became a new friend to me over the years 2014-2016. I went through a 3 month straight downward spiral, I would drink about 3-4 beers almost every night. One day, I realized that I was going down the wrong path yet again with alcohol. Honestly, I have always made regretful decisions when I drank too much. So, the next day I quit. Then, last year 2016, alcohol took it’s grip on me again. I was drinking regularly but not always getting drunk. Then, one night I decided to drive when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to stay with the person I was drinking with due to personal reasons. Anyway, long story short, I was arrested and was in the booking/holding areas for like five hours. It felt like the longest night I ever lived. I was completely dehydrated, just worked a double, tired, starving, and emotional. Then, I had to face my parents who had been waiting hours for me to be released. I don’t want to talk too much about what happened, because

I am still on probation. More to come 7/7/17.

777, I wonder if that has some significant meaning. I will have to research that later.

Anyways, this blog become a place for me to escape and get real with myself through sharing my experiences with the world. I have made many of my past blogs private due to the amount of personal information shared. At the time, I was writing under this blog anonymously. In recent years, I have wanted to share some of my writings with my family, friends, and people I meet. I wanted to write about the early struggles that brought me to writing and share why I think it is important to write down what you are thinking, feelings, and what you want out of life. This is where things may get a little inspirational for you. Each person interprets information, images, words, etc with their own perspectives which act as filters to create their own meaning of what they experience. Whether it’s music, art, writing, and other creative personal journeys we are all experiencing something that we have imagined in our minds. I have thinking a lot about different theories and perspectives about life and manifestation the life you want by setting intentions, being mindful, being creative, and and practicing gratitude.

I suppose that by writing about my struggles allows me to understand them more, share the experience with others, and truly heal from past experiences. This entire blog lead me to a path of self-discovery. That is why I feel so attached to it and want to continue to envision things for this blog in the future. I want to help others heal from their wounds by understanding their emotions and ways towards living a more positive, healthy lifestyle based on their personal goals and dreams. I feel strongly that I may be able to do that with this blog.

One of my biggest realizations is that I desire to travel. I decided that I am going on a road-trip next year. Hopefully for three months. I am extremely nervous, but I am ready to make this a reality. The feeling I get when I think about discovering new places in nature and being disconnected from the city is unlike anything I can really describe. The power of wanderlust is so deeply integrated within me. I have been experiencing very vivid day-dreams and even dreaming at night about beautiful nature landscapes and the open road. This dream is alive. And that’s something that I want people to think about.

If this is my dream, what is yours? Imagine if we all starting dreaming up a new way of life? A new way of living. A new society. I get so pumped up thinking about the future and all of the positive changes that are already taking places in all the different communities. We are uniting and deciding that in order to see change is the be the change and that is another part of my life mission. Being the change is something that inspires me daily to do what I do. I have many ideas on ways I want to bring inspiration and positivity into people’s lives.

Anyway’s this is my first blog I have written in awhile. Thank you for supporting me on my journey during this life. In a way this is simply an online diary. And a travel blog in the future. Feel free to comment with your journey.

 

Riding the Wave of Life

If you are like me you are probably super confused about what the fuck is happening in this world. As someone who is constantly learning about what is going on with politics and through other sources of education such as documentaries and books. I enjoy studying psychology, religion, ways of life, and spirituality in general. I am always on a mission to progress as if I am not enough already. It is exhausting at times to feel like there is always pressure to do more, have more, and be more. Hmmm, I am beginning to analyze my own life, my own behaviors and thoughts, and emotions. I am seeing my own habits, responses, and seeing the patterns in everything I do. At the same time I feel more aware of the events, situations, and experiences I am having. I feel as if I am living them to the fullest. Basically, I feel like I am on an emotional roller-coaster with life. I go through phases of being extremely happy- in the moment, and anxious- living in the future. It has always been a struggle for me to remain in the present without my mind wandering about the next thing there is to do, or what will happen in this situation and play out different outcomes to whatever it is. All of a sudden I feel like all these outcomes could potentially happen to me personally, and even all of humanity and nature. It gets overwhelming at times, but there are moments of pure bliss and peace that are  worth all of the troubles and pain. I am learning about balance and it is truly amazing when really area in your life is balanced out. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps even energetically. We really are in charge of what we think and whatever is in our thoughts happens to us in the future. I have been digging into this concept of Law of Attraction for awhile and it is seriously scary accurate. I feel like a magnet attracting these events, it is pretty incredible, but also frustrating, because not all things that happen to you are going to be things you want to happen. You can equally attract events into your life by thinking about it. It’s like you have to gain awareness of your thoughts and pay attention to your emotions. Become more in tune with yourself and your surroundings. Some call this enlightenment/awakening/ nirvana, ultimate happiness and peace of mind. I strongly believe that there is a spiritual revolution happening in this country. I can feel that people are starting to dig deeper into themselves. I believe due to all of the truth coming out in politics, social media, and other news outlets. It can all be a bit over-stimulating. We are the first generation to be exposed to this much technology all at once. It is almost like we are living in two different worlds all the time. Perhaps, even more depending on how realistic your dreams are. It is all so mind blogging and then to question why we are here and where we came from all the time. It can be tough to simply be without wandering about some deep shit sometimes.

Embrace Your Experiences

Embracing where I have been lately has been really tough, especially as I continue to learn more about myself and what things I would love to starting doing. I have felt myself change, so much over the past 6 months. There have been many up and down periods and currently I feel myself stepping back into my power. There have been some emotional things come up in my life that I wasn’t ready to handle. Mainly, by the outer world events and the political drama. Ever since I discovered who Bernie Sanders is I feel like my entire mind has been awakened to the issues of this country. I have spent many days thinking about what is happening and what could I possibility do to make things better. Also, much time has been spent watching documentaries, political and educational videos, blog posts, Facebook videos, mainstreams media. Not to mention all the different opinions I have read, perspectives, ideas, solutions, etc. I have exposed myself to another layer of our reality and it has been hard for me to accept. I realize now that I must have balance in my life. I spent so much time worried about the problems and thinking about the terrible events that it begun to drain my energy. Especially after going the Philly, volunteering for the Green Party, and attending other protests/rallies. I feel absolutely exhausted from it all. I have to remember that I have to give myself time to let all the information sink in. I have decided that I better start focusing on solutions and ways that I can contribute to the planet and the people. That can be tough, especially when I have always been so introverted. I have also realized my fear of rejection has increased due to my resent breakup. It always hurts to not be with someone who I told, “I love you to everyday.”, but knowing that I still am going to be friends with him is comforting and even confusing at times. Yet, I am trusting love the best way I know how to and also knowing that things are happening the way that it is meant to. I have to remind myself that my thoughts are going to shape my reality. So, I am trying to become more aware of my thoughts. It has been a tough at times, because I find myself getting lost in a thought and then experiencing my feelings based on whatever I am thinking. Some thoughts are harder to resist than others, especially if the emotions are strong, and even traumatic. It is easy to get lost and maybe feel down a little when this happens. One of the most important things I like to keep in mind is that it is okay it feel negative feelings. It doesn’t mean that it is good or bad. I have been too judgmental with myself and realized that I am the one who is pressuring myself and that there is not anyone else holding any expectations on me. I am the one who decides what I want to do with my life and it doesn’t matter what anyone has to say. I find myself caring about what people think sometimes, and it can cause social anxiety. Which is something very real that nobody ever wants to talk about. I know I even don’t like to think about it, but I think it is important for me too. I strongly believe that when I look at my problems right in the face and call it out for exactly what it is, usually through writing, I discover that it really healing. Sometimes, I have too many thoughts, and trying to listen to them all is really tiring, so I have been practicing meditation. Someone I listened to said something like this, “Think of your thoughts like clouds in the sky. You don’t have to listen to them, you can let them just float right by.” Basically, I am becoming aware of the thoughts that case me suffering and to experience emotions, by simply choosing to think about other things. I am doing much rewiring and unlearning. I feel like I am literally transforming into someone else… Perhaps, I am really learning who I am and realizing that I am not who I thought I was. I have spent much of my time thinking about the future or the past, causing much anxiety. Anxiety has caused me to struggle in basically every area of my life. It has been a true challenge to do things I know I have to do. Sometimes, I don’t eat correctly, have trouble being around others, feeling panic, and confused overall. Yet, I always find the power inside me to call anxiety out for what it is and not allow myself to get lost in the emotions. Panic attacks are definitely a real thing. Last year, I totally freaked out, because I randomly got lost somewhere I felt I should not be lost in, my phone died, and I was suppose to be back at work, but obviously I was late and couldn’t call anyone. There was a negative voice judging the entire event in my head. The fact was is that everything was going to be okay, no matter what. I have realized that most of the panic attacks were called from believing what was happening in my thoughts was actually happening in real life! I was experiencing emotions, because of my thoughts and ever since then it is as if something has clicked for me. I feel more in control of my life. I am more accepting of what happens without judging it as bad or good.

Transform From Your Emotions

t1larg.star.nasa

When you feel as if you are falling apart you should take that has a sign that you are growing. All the emotions you are feeling are proof of this process. These emotions are temporary, yet necessary for your personal journey.

For example, when you feel pain you must understand why you are feeling it by asking yourself questions and digging down deep for the answers. You have to remember that you contain the power to overcome those emotions. If you are lonely you must ask yourself why you are searching for something more than yourself. You have always been enough. You are already complete. Feeling lonely is only an illusion. We are connected with the entire universe. If you are scared you must realize that those feelings of fear do not really exist and that you are allowing your negative thoughts to influence your emotions.

Don’t be afraid to feel.

Emotions are created inside of you, therefore you have the power to control them. You must take a step back, allow yourself to go through them and fully fathom the reason for them. Ultimately, you must decide to let them go once and for all in order to create space in your life for thoughts and energy that is going to benefit you.

This process may break you down. It might tear you to pieces. You may feel as if the process will never be over. Let me tell you something, this process will always repeat itself in some way in your life. That is inevitable. That’s the bittersweet reality of how things are in this existence. You must accept that there can be no light without the dark.

But, hey isn’t it better that way? Think about it, if things went the way you wanted all the time, then you wouldn’t ever appreciate those moments of joy. You wouldn’t understand their worth. You wouldn’t even blink an eye at the good times, but by experiencing pain and grief you learn to appreciate the positive moments. Something as simple as waking up will suddenly turn into the most precious gift. Your entire mentality will start to change once you understand that you are not meant to remain the same. The more perspectives, ideas, theories, knowledge, and life experiences you obtain the more you will understand how transformation is necessary.

Not everything in life is black and white. It’s the gray areas that are most important. Be cautious some things are not as they appear on the surface. Also, understand that your mind will play tricks on you. You must take control and look at all aspects of life from every perspective you can imagine while diving into your emotions.

Keep in mind that you aren’t meant to stay in your emotions for long periods of time if they are going to have a negative affect on you. Your emotions are simply tools you must use to understand yourself on a deeper, more intellectual way. This process of self-reflection is meant to build you up and give you a better understanding of who you were, who you are, and who you are becoming.

We are all fighting a battle between the good and bad, at times it isn’t going to be clear what is right or wrong. Embrace these times. We don’t make mistakes. We create experiences that give us the opportunity to grow.

You personally must burn, blow up, and explode into someone completely new everyday. You aren’t meant to remain the same, because you were designed for transformation.

 

Justice is Engraved in My Soul

libra-6-lg

Justice is engraved in my soul. I want to fight for the greater good for all of humanity, because I take everything so personally. It hurts me to see people suffering in any kind of way. I’m very emphatic and I’m still learning how to embrace it. I can’t shake this warrior energy. Even when these feelings leave me in the dust and feeling “shattered”, I have faith that I am meant to bring upon change to this world. I believe that those low times will enlighten me; show me charity. Even if I just inspire one person or make a small difference, that is enough for me. I will always stand up and seek those opportunities for equality and balance, whether that is me ranting online, protesting, meditating, writing, etc. I thrive for love and peace to radiate through my entire being and shine upon those who are in the dark. I am here for you friends; always.

Allow your light to burst into this existence!
🌌

14657514_10154080910482635_8689402336350343956_n