Category Archives: Personal Diaries

Creative Projects

I went to this festival last year and I was extremely inspired by all of the creativity around me. There was music, healing arts, flow arts, paintings, glass-blowing. All types of personal creativity. Some people were dressed in costumes and dancing in their own unique way. I will never forget that place and I intend to gather with that community again in October. I have been exploring different creative projects myself. One being this blog Conquer Your Emotions. I transform my experiences into creative writing including metaphors based on my understanding of those experiences and also others perspectives that I have been exposed to. That is why I really enjoy reading different personal development books, because it is like I am peeling back layers of myself through looking at a personal experience or feeling in a different way. This process of shifting my focus on a different perspective allows me to create my own interpretation of whatever it is that is happening. I deeply want to bring the energy I have inside myself to life. I have tons of ideas and projects pop into my mind daily. I have written many of them down. If you are reading this and ever want to bring a creative idea to life through writing, craft, cooking, etc, let me know. I am open to helping other with their creative goals.

I have been making jewelry as Simply Serene Stones on Etsy. You can visit my shop here. https://www.etsy.com/shop/SimplySereneStones?ref=hdr_shop_menu

I am excited to see where this path leads me. I am setting aside all money made for something I am not sure of yet.  I want to also inspire others to support each other by spreading awareness about one another’s talents/crafts. I think we are already creating communities for self-sufficiently and towards a healthier more sustainable future for the coming generations.

I have also planted a garden this year. I am very new to growing my own food, but I figured why not plant a few things and learn along the way. I have planted arugula, spinach, swiss chard, cucumbers, strawberries, and bell peppers. I still have to plant my sunflower seeds. I may pick up a few more things in the coming weeks.

I also want to write a book about some of my deeply personal traumas and struggles to inspire others and help them heal. I feel like it is my duty to give back the same energy I have received myself. Some topics would include: codependency, attachments, addictions, relationships cycles, fear of abandonment, coping with anxiety. I know I am not in a position to write this book yet, because I am still going through some areas of my life, but this book will hopefully be manifested within the next (5) years.

I have set time aside to do things such as coloring, drawing, and watching movies. It has been tough for me to do something for fun lately. I have been so focused on a goal, achievement, becoming, etc. I have to remember to take time to let things flow. That is where music has seriously helped me let loose. I have secret dance sessions in my room a couple times a week. I let all the energy flow out of me and capture it through moving my body.

There are a couple other things I am wanting to work on, but only time will allow me to do all of these things.

Patience. Determination. and i will just keep going after the life of my dreams, because what else is there to do? Fall in line with society standards?

No way. I’m breaking out of that system, one day at a time & one step at a time all while thinking about a future where people won’t have to deal with the stresses we are facing today.

Current Thoughts: Blog Origins, Self-Discovery, Writing

Sometimes, I ask myself why am I living my life this way? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go back to college, get a normal job, and just settle into society’s standards. That’s self-doubt and it sucks. It is something I am sure we are all struggling with among many other emotions. That’s why I started this blog, because I wanted to understand my emotions and ultimately conquer them completely. In 2014, I was at the lowest point I have ever been due to foot surgery and break-up ending all at once. I had invested an incredible amount of time and energy into a relationship based upon this fantasy in my head and also I felt like my college degree was useless, because I feared the worst. In less than 4 months, my entire life was turned upside down. I also had an heated discussion with my dad, more like me telling him exactly how I felt, but the anger and hurt came out, so needless to say, we haven’t talked since. Also, my best-friend at the time quit talking to me all together. I think it was like a 10 year friendship, suddenly gone. I was spiraling down.

(The first month I was taking my pain medication mainly, because I was depressed and numbing out was the solution. I wasn’t overtaking my medication, but I made sure not to miss one dose. I know I have an addictive personality and I had to remember that when I thought about getting more of these to take after I took the last pill. Thankfully, I never actually took anymore, but I know not everyone else is not in the same boat. I live in a neighborhood where many people are addicted to them and I don’t want to go down that path. I have seen where it leads. So, I decided to deal with the pain through writing, because that’s all I felt I had left. Whoa, the emotions coming up as I reflect upon that dark time in my past.

Now, I’m wondering if this blog is too personal? Or am I just being vulnerable? Either way, I feel like the only way that we can truly learn from one another is to open up about some of our deepest struggles.

Alcohol soon became a new friend to me over the years 2014-2016. I went through a 3 month straight downward spiral, I would drink about 3-4 beers almost every night. One day, I realized that I was going down the wrong path yet again with alcohol. Honestly, I have always made regretful decisions when I drank too much. So, the next day I quit. Then, last year 2016, alcohol took it’s grip on me again. I was drinking regularly but not always getting drunk. Then, one night I decided to drive when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to stay with the person I was drinking with due to personal reasons. Anyway, long story short, I was arrested and was in the booking/holding areas for like five hours. It felt like the longest night I ever lived. I was completely dehydrated, just worked a double, tired, starving, and emotional. Then, I had to face my parents who had been waiting hours for me to be released. I don’t want to talk too much about what happened, because

I am still on probation. More to come 7/7/17.

777, I wonder if that has some significant meaning. I will have to research that later.

Anyways, this blog become a place for me to escape and get real with myself through sharing my experiences with the world. I have made many of my past blogs private due to the amount of personal information shared. At the time, I was writing under this blog anonymously. In recent years, I have wanted to share some of my writings with my family, friends, and people I meet. I wanted to write about the early struggles that brought me to writing and share why I think it is important to write down what you are thinking, feelings, and what you want out of life. This is where things may get a little inspirational for you. Each person interprets information, images, words, etc with their own perspectives which act as filters to create their own meaning of what they experience. Whether it’s music, art, writing, and other creative personal journeys we are all experiencing something that we have imagined in our minds. I have thinking a lot about different theories and perspectives about life and manifestation the life you want by setting intentions, being mindful, being creative, and and practicing gratitude.

I suppose that by writing about my struggles allows me to understand them more, share the experience with others, and truly heal from past experiences. This entire blog lead me to a path of self-discovery. That is why I feel so attached to it and want to continue to envision things for this blog in the future. I want to help others heal from their wounds by understanding their emotions and ways towards living a more positive, healthy lifestyle based on their personal goals and dreams. I feel strongly that I may be able to do that with this blog.

One of my biggest realizations is that I desire to travel. I decided that I am going on a road-trip next year. Hopefully for three months. I am extremely nervous, but I am ready to make this a reality. The feeling I get when I think about discovering new places in nature and being disconnected from the city is unlike anything I can really describe. The power of wanderlust is so deeply integrated within me. I have been experiencing very vivid day-dreams and even dreaming at night about beautiful nature landscapes and the open road. This dream is alive. And that’s something that I want people to think about.

If this is my dream, what is yours? Imagine if we all starting dreaming up a new way of life? A new way of living. A new society. I get so pumped up thinking about the future and all of the positive changes that are already taking places in all the different communities. We are uniting and deciding that in order to see change is the be the change and that is another part of my life mission. Being the change is something that inspires me daily to do what I do. I have many ideas on ways I want to bring inspiration and positivity into people’s lives.

Anyway’s this is my first blog I have written in awhile. Thank you for supporting me on my journey during this life. In a way this is simply an online diary. And a travel blog in the future. Feel free to comment with your journey.

 

Political Thoughts

Upon seeing Hillary Clinton speak about winning the democratic nomination, tears started to fall from my eyes. I was feeling rage, belittlement, and disgust mixed with faith, hope and passion. This race hasn’t been fair to say the least, and we all know that the odds were never in Bernie Sander’s favor.

I have strongly supported Senator Bernie Sanders since the beginning of this year. I believe in his message and still have faith in his campaign. He has brought the truth to the millions of people, resulting in people waking up and asking questions about what is happening in politics.We have two very unfavorable candidates leading in the race for the presidency. What a weird and exciting time to be alive, right? Seriously, I have had many different emotions towards politics. I have cried watching Bernie’s speeches and have been filled with joy at the same time. I have donated to his campaign, purchased a bumper sticker, and even made a video to show my support. I have watched countless hours of his speeches, protests, and (HONEST) news networks to learn more about what this movement is about. Obviously, we need to fix the rigged economy, corrupt criminal justice system, focus on the gap between the middle class and the top 1 percent, take action against climate change, etc. There is no need for me to continue listing the issues of this country, because we already know that we as a whole are struggling and ready for change.

I strongly believe that this is not the end for this movement. There has just been too much information exposed to millions of people. It’s not like this is a fucking episode of American Idol or something. This is the political revolution! The start of people coming together and thinking about our future. Bernie has shared his vision of the United States with the world. Think about that for a minute. Look how much one man has done for change in politics and now, literally thousands of people are doing the same. I am remaining optimistic about the world. I want to believe that the good will win the fight against evil. I have to believe that all the dark souls out there will be brought to some type of justice, if not physically then spiritually.

 

 

Change is Our Reality

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I can sense that the world is changing; changing for the better. As I was growing up, I thought the world designed a certain way; a place of absolute freedom. I thought that after I was old enough; I could do whatever I wanted. I thought my parents were the only ones who had power over me. When I started learning the truth about our government, companies, and a hand-full of the conspiracies out there; my mindset shifted to a more negative outlook on life.

I spent my years in high school pretty isolated and in my head. The older I got the more I discovered and the more disgusted I became, but I’m not the only one! That’s the important part. Years and years ago, the evil people of this world could get away with everything they have done, because we didn’t have the ability to connect with one another as quickly as we do now. We have the internet now. That is HUGE! I strongly believe that Facebook in particular has helped spread knowledge about what is happening in around the world and in politics.

Many people started waking up last year when they heard Bernie Sanders speeches. The first time I heard his message I couldn’t believe that it was really happening. Finally, someone who believes in the right thing and who acknowledges the wrong-doings of those in charge. I couldn’t take him seriously for the next president, because I was afraid that those in power would never allow him to make it that far. Well, here we are on a winning streak! He has won the last 8 out of 9 primaries! This is huge! Bernie Sanders has started a movement in America, that will spread all across this world! Hope for a better world has definitely been restored in my life, as well as the lives of millions and millions of other people. We all are finally coming together, because we have uncovered the ways they want to divide us.

During the primary elections, we have discovered voter suppression and fraud, which goes to show that there is someone who doesn’t want the people to have a voice. You must ask yourself, now what reason would they have to not want to hear what we have to say? For years, we have been pretty damn oblivious to their manipulation techniques, down-right inhumane behavior, and purposefully under-educated. People are figuring out how to see the truth for themselves. People are no longer fooled by selfish lies and empty promises of the system.

We have are more aware of how they are treating people and discriminating on us, based on our sexual preference, gender, race, religion, and birth place. We are all human beings who share the Earth, which has been created for all of us, including the plants and animals. People are starting to understand just how important nature is and how we can’t survive without it. Nature has supplied everything we need for mental, emotional, physical, and spiritually abundance. 

This generation in particular has decided to take a stand and fight for a new government. There are many young people getting involved in politics for the very first time. Did these people in charge really expect to get away with their unfathomable greed and power-hungry mindsets forever? It is about time that they are bought to justice. We the people of the world demand freedom and equality!

I am completely overwhelmed with excitement, because I have faith that we can take back our world. We greatly outnumbered those in charge, and that speaks for itself. The people of the world are tired of being treated as slaves to a system. We are sick of struggling for life’s necessitates.

We can bring peace, happiness, and love into the world as it was meant to be for all people!

Read my blog called, Ways To Be Apart Of The Global Revolution, for advice on how you can be involved, so that together we can change our lives for the greater good!

Remember, it really is the smallest acts that will change the world.

~Love, Peace, and Happiness~

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Unemployed Feels

*Like the picture in the top of this canyon, life can be complex to look at when you don’t know what you are looking at or looking for. When you are wandering about in life with no idea what direction you want to go in. Your options can blend together, like the different colors of the minerals on the rock’s surface.*

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Well, I knew this day would surely come again, but not now. I didn’t anticipate to quit my job two days ago. I just didn’t expect this change and I am not sure what direction to go in next.  I am holding on to hope that this is what is meant to be and  really trust that this is what is suppose to be happening in this moment. I have a tendency to worry and overthink every thing that happens in my life. I have to sit around and analyze it for hours and I am just not wanting to do that this time around. I have my bills paid for this month. I am entitled to taking some days to recharge, brainstorm, and take it easy. I think I deserve that much, because I have been struggling emotionally, physically, and mentally. Just feeling very worn out about half the time.  I am also single, record breaking, going on 8 months now.  But, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried dating. I can’t seem to find a guy who wants to stick around and actually create something real together. Dating is confusing and right now that is something I don’t need. A relationship is the least of my worries, because I can’t even be happy on my own some days, but when I get down it does sound nice to have that person to vent to again.

Anyway, I want to go on a quick rant about society and the workforce.

I have determined that I don’t really want to be apart of society’s corporate greed which means really trying to find a company who isn’t apart of the system. I really want to work somewhere local, authentic and for a company that shares the same moral values as me. I may make less money, but maybe that is what needs to happen right now. I am not sure if I want to continue in the food and beverage industry, like I need a break.

Society wants to make it out like a bad thing if you are not working, but sometimes people need a break, because not everybody handles stress the same. Not every body experiences the same hardships whether they are mental, physical, or emotional problems. I am fortunate to still be at home and not forced to get in debt with all the bills I don’t feel I need. I am completely okay living at home. I am guilty of allowing what other people may think about me really bother me. I assume people are going to judge me a certain way and it’s tough to ignore those thoughts at times.

Soon enough, I will certainly figure out what direction I need to take in order for me to be happy, make money, and accomplish my goals. For now, I am taking some time to clear my mind.

Overloaded with Life! :D

For the past couple of months, I have been overloaded with tons of thoughts, ideas, and emotions. I am torn between many different paths in my life at the moment. I am trying to accomplish all of my goals. It is very tough to balance all of my interests and what I would like to do at any given time. I have huge goals involving writing, reading, cooking, fitness, travel, and obtaining new interests all the time. I want to start making jewelry, homemade soaps/lotions/etc, maybe even do some candles, oatmeal mixes (other fitness related foods I could sell). I would love to become self-sufficient and not need to actually work all the time. My creativity is through the roof and it is hard to focus on one thing. I am trying to sort through all of these things and still live my life in “society”.  Yet, where I am happiest and free is in nature. What a struggle, especially living in Nashville, TN which is growing by the minute, literally!

I am also diving into spirituality pretty hard and constantly learning new perspectives about the universe and myself. I am healing my emotional pain from the past, while growing stronger everyday and creating new relationships. So, yeah between social situations, alone time, work, and doing the basics. I find myself struggling to find the time to get everything done that I would like. Trust me, this blog isn’t me complaining, just venting this out, so I can discover which path to focus on at the moment. I figured I would write a little bit about it and see where my mind goes. Tons of blog posts are in progress either mentally, or in drafts on this site.

I strongly want to see this blog turn into something amazing and profitable one day. I know that if I put my concentration into the right sources, all of my goals and dreams stand a chance to come to life.

Whoa, I feel exhausted, but at the same time fully alive. I mean, what more could I ask for? I am never bored, without something to do, or someone to talk to. My life is grand actually, but I have to start focusing on ONE thing at a time, instead of allowing all of this to swirl around in my mind, resulting in me freezing up and doing nothing but staring into blank space…

This is a picture of how I feel. My hand open for whatever the universe decides to throw at me!

“In the midst of my chaos, I found an ounce of clarity!”

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