I drive myself crazy with worrying thoughts everyday. I try to understand that living in the present moment is what is most important. I have to remember that the past is gone, and it’s never coming back. I also, have to keep in my mind the future is going to take time so I need to slow down my thoughts, yet I have to remember to think things through so that my future can be successful.
Sometime’s I found myself caught up in an idea, or a dream I would like to pursue and it becomes obsessive. Lately, I have tried taking my own advice, which is, enjoy the moment because it’s the only one we are sure exists. We don’t what to spend the present moment with constant worrying, that isn’t really living life to your potential. Throughout the day it is a constant battle for me to keep myself from getting caught up in what if’s, could of been’s, and next thing I know I am in some type of fantasy world, or alternative reality. At times, I do relive the past and I am working on not spending too much time thinking about it. I know it is important to have dreams and goals. But for me once I think about something I really want to do, I can’t seem to stop obsessing over the thought. For example, my ex is suppose to be on his way over whenever he gets off work to get the rest of his things. I can’t stop imagining the situation. How I want things to play out? If they go that way, then what? If they don’t, how upset I’m going to be? Will he be angry, will he be happy to see me?
Soon anxiety is running through my whole body and I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t focus on anything but that moment. This is the way everything has been for me for at least the past 5 years, if not longer. Another example, I started a new job back in September and I was a baker. The whole night I couldn’t turn off the thoughts, what if I can’t make the food right? Will I even like the job? After a few weeks in, the anxiety became worse because the job was too stressful because I couldn’t keep up with the demand in the bakery, this wasn’t my fault, they needed more people to help me.
Long story short, because I could literally be here for days explaining my anxiety and how it has been tough for me throughout the years doing the simplest things. I worry about worrying about worrying.
When is it time to say enough is enough? At this point, I strongly believe it has became an unhealthy lifestyle, and sometimes I feel so out of control of my own mind, it is exhausting. Is there such thing as thinking too much?