Tag Archives: advice

Instant Inspiration

Sometimes, it is easier for me to give advice, then take it. It comes natural to give others advice, but not listen to my own words. During these times, people like myself may need to be reminded of our inspiration. Being positive doesn’t mean you remain positive all the time. Everyone falls down into the darkness sometimes. It is up to each and every one of us to pick each other up by exposing us to the light again.

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Adjusting to Life

Life is consistently changing from day to day. Each and every day something new awaits for each and every one of us. We are always adjusting to the whatever it is that life gives us, whether it be for the better or for the worst. You just have to remember that what ever you are going through is temporary and that you will get through it. There is always a way to make your life better, even if it seems as if things are not going the way you want them to go. You must create the necessary measurements in order for things to continue to go in the direction that is going to benefit you the most. Even if it is not the way you want to go, you must realize that sometimes we must go down paths we don’t want to go, so we can reach our destination. Just because things seem harder and more complicated doesn’t mean it isn’t worth pursuing. It just means that you may have to work a little harder, or walk a little farther so you can get to the place you want to go. While you arrive there, you will be thankful for the struggles and obstacles that stood in your way.

Life is all about balance. Finding a way to do all the things you want to do, while doing the things you have to do to survive. It can seem impossible at times, but with determination you will figure out a way to make it happen. All you have to do is want for it to happen. Stay positive and focus on your goals and dreams. Accept that things are not going to happen instantly. You must put in countless hours and keep a positive mind to be where you want to be in your life. But once you are there, all you will be able to do is smile.

Uncertainty

I think what bothers me most about life is the fact that nothing is ever set in stone. It bothers me, because at any given time my world as I know it could be turned upside down. I used to think that being comfortable in life was the most important thing. You know, graduate, get a job, a house, start a family, live the American dream. Right? Isn’t that what this life is about? I don’t think that is what life is about anymore. How could you ever allow yourself to become that comfortable? I don’t think you should and here’s why.

Life is all about uncertainty. Taking chances. Risking yourself. Believing in the unknown.

If you are married with kids, I’m sure you have some level of certainly and trust in your marriage and lifestyle. That would be the only natural way to be. Of course, you want to believe that everything is going to go the way you want them to. It makes it much easier to get caught up in the illusion that things are always going to be the way they are right now. But, in reality things could change any day, and life as we know it simply won’t exist anymore.

I think as humans, we must face the ultimate truth. Nothing in this world is permanent. Change will always happen for better or for worst, it is inevitable. I have decided it is time for me to be okay with change and uncertainty. I can not continue living my life in my head, based around an idea. I don’t think I should continue to be comfortable in an aspect of my life. Anything could happen at any moment, and that scares me.

I am thriving for myself to get to a point where I am okay with life. A point where if something happens, I will be fine with change. I must always expect the unexpected, instead of convincing myself my life will be a certain way and with a particular person. The truth is you never know. Especially when you are sharing your life with someone else in a relationship. You don’t have any idea what is going through their mind at any given time. Same with family, friends, or spouses.

When you go to a job interview, you don’t think about all the negative things that may happen. Like, once your hired you will be treated like crap, or that the manager will treat you differently because you are a woman. You don’t expect things to be bad, because it is normal to want to the best in any situation.

When you get into a relationship with another person, you shouldn’t think about all the bad things that may happen. You don’t consider that your heart may be broken. Once you fall in love with them, you expect things to always be that way. The truth is relationships may not always last. That is a hard pill to swallow, especially when you have invested so much of your time, feelings, and energy into a person.

When you are born into a family, you expect everyone to love you and accept you for who you are. You look at those people as the only ones that really matter. Then, one day your dad decides he doesn’t want to be apart of the family anymore. He leaves and you never see him again. You never expected this person to leave you behind, because he was your family.

Life doesn’t always work the way we want it. We don’t always get what we want. People don’t always stick around in our lives.

I’m not saying live your life and never be happy. I just think it is important to never allow yourself to get caught up in the idea that something is forever. I think everyone should always think about the worst in situations and have that in the back of their minds. With that being said, don’t always dwell on it though. That is the tough part, at least for me. I can get so caught up in thinking the worst, that I fail to be happy in the good moments. I think most people forget that things will change, because we are so happy and excited about how things are going, We fail to accept that they may not always be that way.

Life is full of up and down times. I think it is important to prepare yourself mentality by accepting that bad things are going to always happen. It may sound crazy, but at least when something unexpected happens, you have already told yourself that you are going to be okay with it. Therefore, in my opinion it is easier to deal with.

Appreciate every moment you spend with someone, because they may not always be apart of your life.

Learn the most you can from any experience and allow those things to make you a better, wiser person.

Thrive to be your own individual person, find your dream, focus on yourself, because you are the only guarantee you have in this life.

Expectations: Letting Go

Expectation means having a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

Every single one of us struggle with our own personal expectations everyday. But, we can change that, by letting them go. Personally, this is has been very difficult for me, because at one point in my life I told myself I was going to let go of all expectations. I thought I had, but lately I have been extra moody, up and down, and feeling not myself. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me until today. I read this article on Facebook: http://www.the-open-mind.com/3-ways-youre-making-your-life-harder-than-it-has-to-be/. Everything suddenly makes more sense. I am struggling with a huge wave of disappointments. Instead of living my life in the moment and taking things as they present themselves to me, I had previously made expectations about how my life should be. For example, I had to quit my job a couple of weeks ago, because it was such a negative environment and it was causing me great stress. Now, I see that I could have been happier there if I would of let go of my expectations. I expected it to be a great place to work with fun people I could learn from. So, when I found out it wasn’t going to be that I was greatly disappointed. Another example, is my relationship with my boyfriend. This past week I have wanted to leave him, because I haven’t been happy. Now, I understand why, it is because he isn’t the person I expected him to be. Not in a bad way, but my mind was telling me it was bad that he isn’t exactly what I thought he would be. Nobody is going to be what you expected. Nobody could ever live up to someone’s standards 100% of the time. We have to learn to let go of what we think of someone and accept who they are. Keeping in the mind that people change, as we change ourselves. It is all apart of life. If you aren’t changing then you may not be growing as an individual.

The last expectation that has been weighing on my mind is my fitness journey. I expected that I would have a six pack by now, show more definition in my body, and be healthier. I didn’t think that things would be this hard, or that I would fail many many times before I would succeed. I am still trying to do better. I have to let go of how I think I should look, or feel and just be thankful for how I feel and look right now. Smile, take a deep breath, and tell myself things can only get better from this moment on. IF, I want them to. I can’t see progress if I keep looking behind me.

So, how do I let go of my expectations once and for all? I suppose the only way is to practice mindfulness. By realizing that the only thing that exists is the here and now. Things are going to happen the way the are meant to happen. Worrying about how they are going to occur isn’t going to change things. Stressing over “what if’s” and “wish I would of’s”, isn’t going to benefit you in any way.  The constant weight of disappointments can leave you feeling depressed and moody. That isn’t how life should be. We have to realize we do not have control of every situation, we only have control over how we react to a situation. We can control our own emotions and thoughts, but not the events going on around us. Letting go of the things we can not control, will ultimately change our own perspective of our life.

Now that I have found out the source of my unhappiness, I must find a way to change things within myself. I am still on my path of healing. I started this blog over a year ago, and I am not completely okay yet with my mental state. And to be honest, I probably won’t ever be 100% okay with it, because everyday there is going to be a new challenge I am going to have to face. Another anxiety to work on, or even something from my past I am going to have to let go of. The journey is an on-going process for me, that is something that I shouldn’t ignore. I won’t stop trying to get better and from this point on I will try my hardest not to have any expectations in my life. I will accept the way things are and let go of how I think they should be.

Happiness Over Everything

There comes a point in your life where you have to decide what is most important to you. I choose happiness over everything.

For the past seven months, I was working in the kitchen as a pantry chef at this well-known restaurant. The pay was great, the environment was okay sometimes, and I could do whatever I wanted. Such as come in late, eat anything there, joke around with employees, make new menu items. It was great for like the first two or three months. Then, it seemed like it was one thing after another that was causing me stress. I decided last Saturday, that I had no other choice, but to quit. It seemed like the best ultimate decision for my personal happiness.

The environment was mainly always negative, people’s attitude’s were bitter and unhelpful. Slowly, I started to dread going to work. I would walk into work in the best mood and leave feeling drained and stressed out. I finally decided that it was enough. I had previously wanted to put in my two-week notice, but the owner talked me out of it. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you, and not worry about what affect your actions may have on others. I am so empathetic and I truly care about other people. I know by leaving, that it is going to make things harder on everyone else. That has been bothering me ever since I sent the message. I need to come to terms with things right now, and let the whole situation go.

1) Happiness over everything.

2) I have to do what is best for me.

3) The cons outweigh the pros.

4) I was wasting my potential there.

5) The owner didn’t seem to appreciate me or my extra efforts.

6) I have another job on the weekends, that alone will allow me to pay my rent.

I feel like being in a bad, abusive job environment has the same feelings as being in an unhealthy relationship with someone. It’s like you always want to leave, but you stay thinking things will get better. People may change. It is only bad today, it will be better tomorrow type of attitude. The truth is, if you are unhappy with someone, or something, change it. End of story. There is no waiting around, things can get better, but the odds are not in your favor. Always have a back-up plan. That is why I picked up a second job, because I knew I was on the edge of quitting this one. In the end, your happiness is more important than any paycheck, yet money will make your life better in some aspects. It is quite the dilemma when you are thinking about quitting a job that makes good money. Just like relationships, there are plenty of other people in the world, and there are plenty of jobs to go around. Raise your standards and be happy with everything you do in life.

Now, that my advice is out of the way. I feel much more relaxed about the situation. Now, I can focus more on my personal journey. Last year, I was realizing what I needed to do to change my life. This year is about applying it to my life.

Live In The Now

You really have to live your life day by day. You have to deal with things as they present themselves in your life.

The Past:

You may find yourself dwelling over situations that have happened to you in the past. You may find yourself feeling regretful over mistakes that you have made. You may find yourself wishing things would have happened differently. I can assure you that thinking in the past is a very harmful way to live your life. You must forgive yourself for any mistakes or wrong doings you have committed. You must also, forgive those who have harmed you or hurt you in any way. If you continue to think about these things all the time, you will not live a happy, positive lifestyle. You need to analyze your past, figure out what is really bothering you and come to terms with it. Do not procrastinate. Do this right now, because every minute you spent feeling guilty, ashamed, sad or regretful, is a minute in the present you could be spending happy. Dig down deep. Think back to your childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. Sort though all your experiences. Take each situation one at a time. Examine the situation and break it apart. Write down your emotions and ask yourself why you feel that way. Once you have your answers you can see things for how they really are. For example, for about 2 weeks I was feeling stuck in my past. I was regretful for sleeping with a random guy. I had to finally tell myself, “No more, it is time to get over it.” You can not beat yourself up for a past mistake. You must understand why it happened, learn from the situation, and move on. If there were events in your past that make you unhappy, you have to leave them there. It is okay to remember these times, but do not allow yourself to become consumed in your thoughts.

The Future:

Many people find themselves always thinking about the future and how it will play out. I can promise you if you allow yourself to get captivated in these thoughts, you will develop unnecessary anxiety. It is fine to think about your future, because you every day actions will influence your future. But, if you catch yourself being obsessive when it comes to future events, you may need to take a step back. For example, if you have an upcoming date Friday evening and it is only Tuesday. Do not let this event bother you in any way. Worry about that time when the day comes. Do not stress about what could happen, what if’s, or doubts. In all reality, what will happen is going to happen no matter how much you worry about it. You are going to cause yourself much grief and stress by worrying about future events that you have no direct control over. Concentrate on what you have immediately control over and what is required to happen first such as paying a bill tomorrow.

Therefore, do not waste your life living in the past or the future. Keep yourself thoughts in the present. Live your life for today. Live in the moment. Enjoy things as they come to you. You life will greatly improve if you are thinking in the present moment. You do not want to get caught up in the past or future because then you lose that “here and now” experience. Take things day by day. Stay positive and keep a smile on your face because you are alive!

Wishful Thinking (Edited)

An edited version of my blog post about wishful thinking. I hope each and every one of you can take something from this. Please give me your opinons if you take the time to read. Thank you guys 🙂 

 

 

As defined, Wishful thinking is the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality. It is a product of resolving conflicts between belief and desire.

 

Wishful thinking can conquer your happiness, cause you to become depressed, and even cause anxiety. It is a very unhealthy and harmful way to live your life based strictly on “wishful thinking”. With any situation, you should always “hope for the best, and expect the worst”. When you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your life or someone in it, it really can hurt you. Only thinking positive thoughts can hurt you as well. You wouldn’t think that always looking on the bright side, or having hope could be a bad thing. It’s all about balancing the good and the bad. You have to balance your thoughts and learn how to control them. Wishful thinking is not a bad thing. Just like anything else, you can have too much of a good thing. If you strictly think about the good outcomes, you will be much more disappointed if things do not go your way. You can only get your hopes up and your heart broke so many times before something finally clicks. A wake-up call. A slap in the face by reality. It isn’t going to be easy in the beginning, it is going to take time to learn how to manage your thoughts so be prepared for the struggle.

 

Start by living your life for the moment. In reality, all we ever have is the moment. You have the accept the fact that you have no control over what is going to happen in the future with other people. Sure, you can prepare for your own future and in a way you will determine your own future. For example, you can control your education, job, and who you choose to associate yourself with. But, you can not control how other people are going to treat you. It doesn’t matter how much you worry, the truth is you never know when someone will be out of your life. Unfornately, death may take them away from your life or they may simply chose another path causing you to lose contact with them. Whatever happens, it is ultimately beyond your control when it comes to other people actions, thoughts, and emotions.

 

When it comes to “dating”, wishful thinking can be a HUGE problem. You really have to take time to get to know someone before having thoughts of being with a certain individual. Wishful thinking is completely fine when you like someone, but always look at the situation with a realistic view point instead of judging things based on your emotions. When dating someone, you are getting to know them and enjoying their company. You have to give you relationship time to develop. It can be scary when feelings start to develop for another person because you become more vulnerable, and wishful thinking happens more frequently. You are only choosing to share your life with someone: Give them your love, invest your time, and risk your heart. No big deal, right? Be smart and be honest with yourself. It is necessary to really take some time to get to know who that person is before you can make that decision. Be sure to look at things for the moment, and try not to put too much hope into someone when you first meet them. You shouldn’t allow yourself to get caught up in the “idea” of being with that person. Do not convince yourself that you are going to end up being with this person for the rest of your life. You must accept the fact that you may get hurt again, because nothing is ever set in stone.

 

This type of thinking doesn’t just go for “dating’ but any relationship that you develop with another person. Whether it be friends, or roommates, it going to be a constant risk allowing someone in your life. It is up to you how you decide to deal with your thoughts and emotions. Facing reality and being logical seems like common sense, yet it can be hard if you allow yourself to get caught up in wishful thinking. You must always remember that wishful thinking is strictly based on thoughts of what YOU want to happen with a certain person or situation. Do not forget that those thoughts may not ever come true. Be sure to always look at all the possibilities of the situation in order to accept each and every outcome. Once you accept every outcome, you are setting yourself up for success. You may still get your hopes up. You may still get your heart broken. You may even lose your bestfriend, but at least you will be able to get through it easier because you have already accepted the outcome was a possibility from the very beginning.