Tag Archives: alone

Thank You

There are some things in life that we must go through the hard way. We have to go through hell and back over and over again, in order for us to understand what it takes to stay in heaven and truly appreciate it.

Personally, I thought that I would be able to focus on myself, my goals, and my daily lifestyle while managing a relationship with someone. Since I have been in many failed relationships, I have discovered that being single is exactly what I need to do. Right now, it is difficult, but easier than it has been in the past and I am incredibly fortunate for this opportunity. If all of those relationships and situations with men wouldn’t have failed, then I would have never found myself.

I am still discovering who I am, so if anything I want to tell all my exes who break up with me, hurt me, used me, etc. Thank you.

Burnt Out

I am in a completely new phase that I didn’t imagine I would ever go through. I legitimately do not want to pursue a relationship with another guy right now. I don’t want to meet anyone new, go out on a date, or even fall in love. I feel as if this is the first time in my life that I am ready to go through the hardships of being alone for an long amount of time. I have always been the type of person to want to be in a relationship, due to many factors and reasons that I am still discovering today. I am discovering myself for the first time in my life.

I have realized that taking some serious time to myself is going to greatly help me get to a better mindset and a healthier emotional state. I have to listen to my spirit and protect myself by taking time to heal from the experiences I have been through. Without taking time to seriously reflect, separate myself, I don’t think I will genuinely be able to grow. Due to the circumstances with guys, I have decided to remove myself from all situations.

I deleted my Tinder.

I cut off those who won’t worth my time and who only wanted to use me.

I don’t have many conversations with guys, because I don’t want to be presented with an romantic, sexual, or any potential opportunity that could present itself.

Right now, I have to surround myself with friends and let go of all other distractions.

It’s about time I gave myself the biggest reality check of them all.

I have reached that point to where I am burnt out and want nothing more than to spend some time single.

Any desire, hope, dream, or idea of a relationship has been crushed, destroyed, or dismissed.

I am finally ready to embrace this reality and take in all the emotions that come with being 100% single.

Here’s to yet another beginning and another path on my journey in this life!

A Splash of Positivity

KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Be prepared to spend time in a state of unexpected solitude at any given moment of your life. Sometimes, it necessary to close doors, in order to open new opportunities in your life. It is better to be alone reflecting on what it is your truly desire, than to be around someone who isn’t for-fulling that desire. If you surround yourself with people who are not meeting your standards, who leave you wanting something more, and who simply don’t care to invest time into you, then walk away. You deserve to get as much out of a situation as you are putting into it. Do not allow people to manipulate you, belittle you, make you feel guilty for wanting more, etc. You are obligated to cut people off who are not benefiting you. Yes, it may be selfish. At times, you may doubt yourself. But, you must understand there is a bigger picture being painted and you are the one in control of making sure that picture is a masterpiece. It’s your life and you only get one chance. Don’t cheat yourself by being surrounded by those who are going to use you, take advantage of you, or drain your energy. Be picky and don’t ever feel bad about doing what is best for you and your goals, dreams, and desires. If something or someone is in the way, then be done with it! Raise your standards. I promise you a life spent in solitude is more beneficial than always hoping for something more with someone else. If you want something, then you have the right to have it!

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Positive Note

Sometimes we have to put ourselves through hell in order to realize exactly what heaven feels like. During these times, we will probably lose our minds, change our perceptive on life (multiple times), go back on everything we ever believed in and do things we never imagined we could do, both positive and negative. Its about how you react to these times that really affect who you are as a person. It is during these times that you are able to reflect on who you have been, who you are currently, and who you would like to become. It is important to keep an open-mind and don’t be too judgmental of yourself or other people. We are all in this journey together, so when you think about it why make it all so serious? Embrace all the emotions, thoughts, and memories you create and continue to build wisdom based on everything you go through. Every moment is crucial to your soul. There is a reason for every experience, some times it may take you awhile to realize this, as well as find the reason at all. With every possibility in life lays an opportunity. It is up to you to decide what risk you will take.

Join the gym and push yourself harder than ever before.

Go out to eat alone. Take yourself out on solo adventures.

Try new activities. Do things you never thought you would.

Buy flowers. Explore around your hometown.

Go places your have never been. Talk to strangers.

Open up your mind. Expand your consciousness.

Be happy. Be free. Be you.

Discover Yourself

Do you ever feel as if your life is out of your control? Maybe you don’t even know who you are anymore. You may be living your life day to day feeling as if there isn’t a meaning to what you are doing. You may even feel like you don’t want to be alive and that there is no point to life. Are you experiencing feelings of self-doubt, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, emptiness, loneliness,stress, uneasiness, nervousness, or tension? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life, but you can’t seem to figure out why or what could be causing you to feel this way. Have you ever considered that you should take some time to yourself in order to figure out what is going on inside of you?

I felt this way for many years and I had no idea what could possibly be wrong with me. I felt scared, alone, and out of control for far too long. One way I filled this void was investing my life into someone else’s. I thought that I needed to be in a relationship with someone, so that these feelings would subside. When I was going through these emotions, I didn’t even realize what they were. I honestly didn’t realize that what I was doing was completely toxic and unhealthy. I have been consumed in different relationships with several guys throughout my life. It didn’t occur to me that I didn’t know who I was, because I was distracted by the relationship with them. I didn’t think about myself, or the things I wanted. I didn’t have any personal goals. I had no clue what self-improvement even meant. By being addicted to the feeling of being in love, I was distracted from the truth. I was completely unaware that by putting all my energy and focus into another person, I would develop co-dependency issues. I didn’t know that one day, I would be left so extremely heartbroken, that it would cause me to be physically sick for months.

How did I allow myself to get attached to another person in a way that completely destroyed me? By not taking time to myself. I didn’t realize “I” even existed. So, when that day came and my world as I knew it fell into a million pieces, I had to discover myself. I had to figure out exactly what I wanted out of MY life. I had no other choice but to come face to face with myself. I was a stranger to my own soul. I never had a relationship with myself and didn’t have any knowledge of where to start. So, I started writing and suddenly everything started to make sense.

I have learned more about myself in the past 2 years than my entire life combined, because I have spent time alone. I was in a place previously where I feared being alone. I didn’t want to sleep in the bed, go to the store, or go anywhere for that matter by myself. I was so dependent on another person being around me, that when the time came for me to be alone, I had no clue how to act. Now, I crave solitude. I believe it is critical to living a for-fulling life. You have to be able to understand yourself, love yourself, and create a relationship with yourself before you could ever do that with another person. This is something I didn’t understand nor did I feel like I was capable of doing.

Being addicted to the feeling of being in love, is not an easy cycle to break. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever break the cycle because I enjoy being in love, but there is a difference in my mentality. I understand how important it is to take time to figure out exactly what is going on in my head, in order to fathom the thoughts I am thinking. Also, during this time I can observe my feelings and understand why I am feeling a certain way. In my past, I didn’t take time to understand my thoughts or emotions, so I felt lost and vulnerable all the time.

You must understand that taking time to yourself is not an option. It is not something you can just decide you are not going to do. It is not something that should not be taken lightly. It is highly important you set aside time to reflect on your life. Then, from there you must understand why you are experiencing what ever it is you are going through. You must decide what the best for you. Now, this is where it gets tricky, because doing what is best for yourself is not always going to be something you want to do.

To sum this up, I strongly believe that when you spend time alone, you awaken your soul. You have to really listen to your thoughts and be gentle with yourself. You are not perfect, you are flawed. You have made mistakes, and will continue to do so. It is your responsibility to learn from your past experiences and set yourself up for a bright future.

By taking time alone, you will be able to focus on what it is you what out of your life. Don’t put anyone else in the picture when you are thinking about your life.(If you have kids, this doesn’t apply to you, because obviously you have to take their lives into consideration. Do not include significant others.) It may be hard, but know it is necessary for you to do. Once you remove all attachments from your mind, you will be left with just yourself. During this time, figure out what it is you enjoy doing, and what you would like to do more of. Start making goals and plan to do things that are going to benefit you. Whether that be going to the gym or playing your favorite game. You decide what makes you happy and nobody has any right to challenge you on that. Once you practice taking time to yourself, you will feel awake and aware. You will feel like a completely new person and the person you have been previously will no longer exist. You will be reborn.

I must emphasis that having a relationship with yourself is the most important part of your life, because once you discover who you are, you will feel a new type of happiness you could have never imagined before.

Hiking Therapy

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Upon waking up today, I randomly decided it was time for me to go exploring. I didn’t waste any time, nor did I wait around for someone to reply to my post on Facebook I made about going to Fall Creek Falls. Monday, I went to Cummin’s Falls and spent pretty much the entire day out there, but since I had today and tomorrow off, I wanted to plan a two-day trip. Instantly, Fall Creek Falls popped into my mind and I was rushing to get everything packed, hotel booked, clothes washed, gas in the car, and snacks in my basket at the grocery store. After about three hours of driving down the highway, taking a quick bathroom break, and waving left and right down the curvy roads to get the park, I arrived at Fall Creek Falls with an attitude filled with determination and craving adventure. I couldn’t check into my hotel until 4pm, so I had plenty of time to kill. After detouring down the scenic drive (peeing on the side of the road, it’s only natural :D) and finally remembering where it was I had been looking for I arrived at the overlook of the Fall Creek Falls waterfall.

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As soon as I looked down at the waterfall, excitement built up inside of me. This was the trip I have been waiting years for. I had to get down there as quickly as I possible. I asked some random guy which way the trail was to get down there, he pointed me in the right direction, and I was on my way.

As I was preceding to the trail, an old man gave me his walking stick saying that I may need it farther down. I took it from him, thanked him and headed down the path.

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It didn’t seem to be as challenging as I remembered, not sure if that is because I have hiked it before, or because I have been working out a lot lately. Either way, I made it down without being out of breath. Once I was down there, I wasn’t completely satisfied. It was almost like it wasn’t challenging enough. But, I was in awe of how beautiful the waterfall was and how the mist looked around the rocks. I couldn’t look away and I continued to venture closer and closer to the waterfall. It may not have been the biggest waterfall I have ever seen, but it was still just as beautiful. Nature is truly inspiring to me. 50 selfies later, I decided that it was time to hike back up. I stopped some guy and asked him to take a photo of me by the waterfall.

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I continued hiking back, anticipating where I was going to go next. Thoughts of inspiration were racing through my mind the entire time. I wandered onto the trail that lead to the nature center. I chose to take the longer of the two paths in order to get there. I figured it would be more of a challenge. There were several overlooks on my way to the nature center. I knew in my mind I couldn’t wait to get to the cascades though. I have had that place stuck in my mind for years now, because last time I was here I couldn’t go down that way. The overlook to Cane Creek Falls was absolutely stunning. I probably stood there for a good ten minutes or so. I didn’t want to leave this view.

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Once I was back on track, it didn’t take long before I reached the nature center. It was pretty basic in there. Ya know, souvenirs, information about the park, history of the park on the walls, and an middle-aged woman who was clearly ready to leave, because I walked in at closing time. I didn’t spend much time in there. I grabbed a couple of books and a park map and was on my way out the door. Ahh, the cascades. I pretty much ran down the trail, only to come upon a swinging bridge. OH. It wasn’t that bad. At least, I was able to get an inspirational picture from it and it was a bit terrifying to cross, but isn’t that what life is about? Being able to get over things that seem scary at the time?

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The journey to get to the cascades was definitely worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat! I literally stayed there the longest of all the scenes I traveled to today. I felt so at peace and at one with nature. I wanted to get into the water and swim, but it was too cold unfortunately. I was kinda bummed out about that, but didn’t let it get me down. I was just thankful to be able to finally be there. My dreams are finally becoming reality and nothing feels better than that.

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It was quite amusing when this man and his young son came around the corner only to discover me in a swimsuit, posing for my camera that was propped up against the rocks. He kinda just pulled his son’s arm and turned around. I felt a little awkward, but shook it off. I did put my clothes back on soon after that though. Ah, I felt content in that moment. More content than I had felt in a very long time. I wanted to come back to this place for so long. I think to prove to myself that I could do it alone and also to redeem the last time I was here when I was 18 with an ex-bf. He didn’t want to go to the cascades, so I didn’t go. I felt like I had cheated myself from an experience ever since then. It feels amazing to be able to say I made it and I did something I enjoyed for me.

I observed many squirrels, some deer, and a lot of grand-daddy long-legged spiders. I think that is the name of them. Nature is such a beautifully crafted mystery that happens all by chance. I feel honored to be able to walk in the paths carved out by it’s creator. I feel spirituality at one with everything in the world by being in this place. I finished the night off by going back to the hotel room, taking a shower, eating a buffet that surely had the world’s worst fish and chicken, yet the soup was good. It’s all about finding the good things in everything you do in life. Plus, enjoying a craft brewed beer doesn’t hurt any either. Ugh, artificially flavored cherry cobbler wasn’t the best choice either.

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I went to the small gift shop at the hotel, didn’t find anything that interested me so I decided to head over to the general store. Once I arrived, it seemed a bit too dark, and I discovered online that it had closed at 6. I questioned myself for not looking it up before, but what happened next was the highlight of this whole trip I think.

I drove past the lake and decided to stop really quick and look up at the stars. It had completely slipped my mind that I could actually see them. It was pitch black outside, like as soon as I turned off my phone’s flashlight, it felt like everything melted together. The sky, the earth and me. Darkness. When, I looked up. I literally couldn’t breath for a moment. The sight of all those stars in the sky was mesmerizing. I stand in the darkness in total awe. I don’t think I had ever witnessed so many stars in my life. It made me realize how small I truly am. How small we all are in this world. Which made my gratitude grow even greater.

I feel transformed. Overwhelmed by how I am changing. Changing into someone new. The fact that I drove 2-3 hours away, all alone is a huge accomplishment for me. I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store by myself a year ago. I have started to grow into my own individuality and to feel alone is astonishingly comfortable. There isn’t any words to express how free I feel. I feel like I have finally found peace within myself. The exact thing I set out to do almost two years ago. I wish I could live in this moment forever, but I can’t so I am going to continue to embrace all of these “new” feelings as I lay down. Not afraid. Not really feeling lonely.

Tomorrow is a fresh new journey. I am going to do some more hiking and exploring. I can’t imagine what I will find out about myself next. This is what it feels like to be living your dreams and it feels unlike anything I have ever felt before.

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Like the bright blue sky above me, be open and free. Be limitless without any boundaries. Accept everything that flies into your sky, because it is all apart of you. Welcome all emotions and feelings into your life; the good, the bad, the unwanted, and the anticipated. It is all happening for a reason. Live a life of gratitude.

Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from doing what you want to do in this life. The truth is some people aren’t going to understand. Do it anyway. Sometimes, the best things in life are experienced in solitude. Dare to be different and don’t hesitate to go down the road less traveled. Be fearless and watch your dreams come true.

I’ll Hold Out My Hand

I’ll Hold Out My Hand

Walking away isn’t nearly as hard as not turning around.

I wasn’t suppose to fall for you, yet here I am on my knees

You left me right where you found me.

 I’m wishing you would come pick me up again.

I’m drowning without you, but in your presence I will surely suffocate.

I know you aren’t coming back, but here I wait.

Do I turn around, go forward, or stay right where I am?

I reach out for your hand, and call out your name.

This was never apart of our plan, things may never be the same.

The emptiness lingers around me,

Keeping me company to remind that you’re really gone.

Will you come back for me?

Will I still be here if you return?

What if, I turned around?

Would you be there where I found you

Waiting for me to come back to you, too?