Nature has a way of soothing my soul. When I feel chaos inside my mind, I simply escape into the trees and lose myself in the sky.
Nature has a way of soothing my soul. When I feel chaos inside my mind, I simply escape into the trees and lose myself in the sky.
When you feel as if you are falling apart you should take that has a sign that you are growing. All the emotions you are feeling are proof of this process. These emotions are temporary, yet necessary for your personal journey.
For example, when you feel pain you must understand why you are feeling it by asking yourself questions and digging down deep for the answers. You have to remember that you contain the power to overcome those emotions. If you are lonely you must ask yourself why you are searching for something more than yourself. You have always been enough. You are already complete. Feeling lonely is only an illusion. We are connected with the entire universe. If you are scared you must realize that those feelings of fear do not really exist and that you are allowing your negative thoughts to influence your emotions.
Don’t be afraid to feel.
Emotions are created inside of you, therefore you have the power to control them. You must take a step back, allow yourself to go through them and fully fathom the reason for them. Ultimately, you must decide to let them go once and for all in order to create space in your life for thoughts and energy that is going to benefit you.
This process may break you down. It might tear you to pieces. You may feel as if the process will never be over. Let me tell you something, this process will always repeat itself in some way in your life. That is inevitable. That’s the bittersweet reality of how things are in this existence. You must accept that there can be no light without the dark.
But, hey isn’t it better that way? Think about it, if things went the way you wanted all the time, then you wouldn’t ever appreciate those moments of joy. You wouldn’t understand their worth. You wouldn’t even blink an eye at the good times, but by experiencing pain and grief you learn to appreciate the positive moments. Something as simple as waking up will suddenly turn into the most precious gift. You’re entire mentality will start to change once you understand that you are not meant to be the same person.
Not everything in life is black and white. It’s the gray areas that are most important. Be cautious some things are not as they appear on the surface. Also, understand that your mind will play tricks on you. You must take control and look at all aspects of life from every perspective you can imagine while driving into your emotions.
Keep in mind, that you aren’t meant to stay in your emotions for long periods of time if they are going to have a negative affect on you. Your emotions are simply tools you must use to understand yourself on a deeper, more intellectual way.
We are all fighting a battle between the good and bad, at times it isn’t going to be clear what is right or wrong. Embrace these times. We don’t make mistakes. We create experiences that give us the opportunity to grow.
You personally must burn, blow up, and explode into someone completely new everyday. You aren’t meant to remain the same, because you were designed for transformation.
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I have realized that being able to stay content is one of my main weaknesses. My mind has been filled with all these wonderful ideas for my blog and how I want to build on this positivity idea.
For example, I am trying to make this website better, but I am missing the fact that I don’t have the knowledge for it. Earlier, I tried to download wordpress 4.4 on my computer. Needless, to say that went down the drain when I was presented with tons of information that was foreign to me. I keep telling myself, just believe you can make this happen and it will.
That is a true statement, but I have to understand that I am not in a position to go forward with this website and blog anymore than I have. This week alone, I have started a facebook account, an instagram account, and bought the domain name. Also, published many more blogs and beat my daily Stat records. I should be proud that I have come this far and give myself a break.
I get so consumed in an idea sometimes and try to jump ahead of myself. After spending another night, trying to download software and use codes that I had no knowledge of, I realized something. I’m not ready for that step. It is going to take my years upon years to make this happen.
I have to slow down and remember why I’m doing this. It’s not for the traffic, or to make money. It’s to help myself understand what it is I am going through. Of course, I have a passion to help others that’s why I have chosen to make this blog public.
Something I am going to work on this week is being more content with what I have going on in my life. Focus on the projects I have already started and make some time not to worry about anything. Set some time aside to “burn” and enjoy without questioning whether I should be wrapped up in a book or writing a blog post.
Not to mention, I went through some difficult times with my ex boyfriend the other night and I haven’t given myself a chance to fully get over it all, because I’ve been so focused on this blog.
Basically, to sum this up I have to find a healthy balance in my life and quit looking too far ahead.
It’s great to have goals, but it’s important to slow down, in order to take in everything that is happening in your life.
“Demons” represent any negative thoughts or energy that may haunt you. For me, demons are things that have hurt me in the past, anything that upsets me or fears in general. Sometimes, I want to stay in the negativity and allow myself to get upset. We are all guilty of this. I just wanted to share and see what the world thinks, I have struggled with anxiety and some depression my entire life, and sharing this allows me to release some of that.
Demons, Demons I don’t know if I am running away or chasing after you?
These thoughts are killing me, yet aide me in such a twisted way
Everyday, loneliness keeps me company, and so do you.
I can’t seem to escape from you, but do I really want to?
Demons, Demons, you’re following me it seems
But, am I holding your hand?
Have I given you the coordinates to my destination?
Or is it you that already knew my plan?
Maybe I don’t want you gone, maybe I want you to come along.
What if, I am running from some, and welcoming others?
Pleasure is laced with darkness sometimes,
Pain wears an unrecognizable disguise.
How could I even tell the difference?
Are you dragging me down or am I pulling you along?
We are inseparable, that is the truth.
I must admit it. I want you here. Yes all of you.
Demons, Demons, you are part of me
It is you that has me chained, and I can’t get free.
Whether or not I have the choice, I’ll never be too sure
Because once I sense you’re not around
I feel myself searching for you once more.
Demons, Demons, oh how I despise you
Thoughts racing through my mind just to remind me
That this game we play, will never be through
You’re to stay, it is might as well be true.
If you were to leave me now, new ones would surely find me
Demons, Demons oh how I embrace you.
I enjoy the sensations you create inside me.
Oh, I crave the chaos sometimes.
So, I’ll stop running for the slightest moment.
Just to allow you to attack me, harass me, and destroy me once again.
Demons, demons I wouldn’t be myself without you.
Eventually I’ll start to flee and pretend that it’s you I’m running from,
yet we both know that this isn’t over, and this will never be done.
Do you ever feel as if your life is out of your control? Maybe you don’t even know who you are anymore. You may be living your life day to day feeling as if there isn’t a meaning to what you are doing. You may even feel like you don’t want to be alive and that there is no point to life. Are you experiencing feelings of self-doubt, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, emptiness, loneliness,stress, uneasiness, nervousness, or tension? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life, but you can’t seem to figure out why or what could be causing you to feel this way. Have you ever considered that you should take some time to yourself in order to figure out what is going on inside of you?
I felt this way for many years and I had no idea what could possibly be wrong with me. I felt scared, alone, and out of control for far too long. One way I filled this void was investing my life into someone else’s. I thought that I needed to be in a relationship with someone, so that these feelings would subside. When I was going through these emotions, I didn’t even realize what they were. I honestly didn’t realize that what I was doing was completely toxic and unhealthy. I have been consumed in different relationships with several guys throughout my life. It didn’t occur to me that I didn’t know who I was, because I was distracted by the relationship with them. I didn’t think about myself, or the things I wanted. I didn’t have any personal goals. I had no clue what self-improvement even meant. By being addicted to the feeling of being in love, I was distracted from the truth. I was completely unaware that by putting all my energy and focus into another person, I would develop co-dependency issues. I didn’t know that one day, I would be left so extremely heartbroken, that it would cause me to be physically sick for months.
How did I allow myself to get attached to another person in a way that completely destroyed me? By not taking time to myself. I didn’t realize “I” even existed. So, when that day came and my world as I knew it fell into a million pieces, I had to discover myself. I had to figure out exactly what I wanted out of MY life. I had no other choice but to come face to face with myself. I was a stranger to my own soul. I never had a relationship with myself and didn’t have any knowledge of where to start. So, I started writing and suddenly everything started to make sense.
I have learned more about myself in the past 2 years than my entire life combined, because I have spent time alone. I was in a place previously where I feared being alone. I didn’t want to sleep in the bed, go to the store, or go anywhere for that matter by myself. I was so dependent on another person being around me, that when the time came for me to be alone, I had no clue how to act. Now, I crave solitude. I believe it is critical to living a for-fulling life. You have to be able to understand yourself, love yourself, and create a relationship with yourself before you could ever do that with another person. This is something I didn’t understand nor did I feel like I was capable of doing.
Being addicted to the feeling of being in love, is not an easy cycle to break. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever break the cycle because I enjoy being in love, but there is a difference in my mentality. I understand how important it is to take time to figure out exactly what is going on in my head, in order to fathom the thoughts I am thinking. Also, during this time I can observe my feelings and understand why I am feeling a certain way. In my past, I didn’t take time to understand my thoughts or emotions, so I felt lost and vulnerable all the time.
You must understand that taking time to yourself is not an option. It is not something you can just decide you are not going to do. It is not something that should not be taken lightly. It is highly important you set aside time to reflect on your life. Then, from there you must understand why you are experiencing what ever it is you are going through. You must decide what the best for you. Now, this is where it gets tricky, because doing what is best for yourself is not always going to be something you want to do.
To sum this up, I strongly believe that when you spend time alone, you awaken your soul. You have to really listen to your thoughts and be gentle with yourself. You are not perfect, you are flawed. You have made mistakes, and will continue to do so. It is your responsibility to learn from your past experiences and set yourself up for a bright future.
By taking time alone, you will be able to focus on what it is you what out of your life. Don’t put anyone else in the picture when you are thinking about your life.(If you have kids, this doesn’t apply to you, because obviously you have to take their lives into consideration. Do not include significant others.) It may be hard, but know it is necessary for you to do. Once you remove all attachments from your mind, you will be left with just yourself. During this time, figure out what it is you enjoy doing, and what you would like to do more of. Start making goals and plan to do things that are going to benefit you. Whether that be going to the gym or playing your favorite game. You decide what makes you happy and nobody has any right to challenge you on that. Once you practice taking time to yourself, you will feel awake and aware. You will feel like a completely new person and the person you have been previously will no longer exist. You will be reborn.
I must emphasis that having a relationship with yourself is the most important part of your life, because once you discover who you are, you will feel a new type of happiness you could have never imagined before.
By being thankful for every single thing that happens to me and not having any expectations is what keeps me feeling alive. I don’t allow fear to set in, because I know that no matter what happens, I will have experienced something and learned from it. It’s all about being in the moment and allowing things to flow. Don’t try to make the pieces fit together, just let life happen. When you start to reflect on your life, you will see how the pieces fit together naturally. For the first time, I feel like I am on the verge of understanding and conquering my anxiety. I’m in a state of complete mindfulness and nothing feels better than this.
I feel like the key to feeling alive is to practice mindfulness every single moment of your life and maintaining an attitude of gratitude. The key is to start appreciating everything you have in your life in the moment. You must let go of any and all negative energy, because even the smallest ounce can drag you down without you realizing it. When I speak of negative energy, it could be a person who is bringing you down, literally anything you feel isn’t going to benefit your life. You must let go of all judgement from other people and most importantly you must stop judging yourself. You are a human being, like everybody else in this world. It is up to you to be aware of what you are doing in your life and how you decide to feel about it. For example, just because you live your life a certain way doesn’t mean it is wrong, good or bad. It just means that you are doing what feels right for you at that time. Even if later on you realize that what you did wasn’t the best decision, it doesn’t mean you should get upset over it.
A personal example for me is hooking up with someone random one night while I was super drunk and what I thought was even worse is that it wasn’t the first time I have done something like that. At first, I felt the same old feelings of shame, regret and guilt. But, I started to look at the situation differently. I finally understood that it doesn’t matter what the situation looks like in “black and white” and it doesn’t matter what it looks like to everyone else. The only thing that matters is my happiness and I had to find a way to be okay with something I didn’t believe was okay. So, instead of beating myself up over it, I embraced every single emotion for what it was. I felt used, like a slut, because I allowed a stranger to have sex with me. But, I enjoyed it. That’s what I couldn’t escape from and the fact that I enjoyed it, bothered me at first. Then, I decided why not be okay with that? It happened and it wasn’t bad. It just isn’t something I want to happen all the time. Something clicked inside of me. Suddenly, I wasn’t concerned with “feeling dirty”, “feeling like a slut”, or being “easy”. I can smile thinking about that night and the one that followed it, because I learned something critical about myself from that night. I am in control of my actions while I’m sober, and if I choose to drink obsessively I better be prepared to face to the consequences. Basically, I owned up to my actions and took responsibility. I didn’t put blame on the alcohol, or being in a weird state of mind. I simply looked at it as an experience instead of a mistake.
Let me emphasis on this, because it has been a life changing sentence for me here lately. When you view things that happen to you in your life as mistakes, waste of time, or any other negative way, you are cheating yourself from the opportunity of fulling understanding why that happened. Furthermore, you are closing your mind to the negative thoughts and soon enough begin to feel negative about the situation or event. If you change your perspective on what happened and simply open your mind to the idea that whatever happened/happens is a NOT bad thing and nothing that you do is ultimately wrong. Life is about being alive and by doing so, you clearly make memories with others and act a certain way at a certain time. By being non-judgmental to yourself, you allow yourself to grow into someone you never imagined you could be. Once you let go of all that judgment, you will sense a feeling of relief and peace start to creep up on you. All of a sudden, you are no longer a victim to your self-conscious. By being aware of what you are doing and choosing to not feel any way about them allows you to be free and to live life to the fullest. The only person holding you back from happiness is yourself. Most of the time the only person judging you is yourself. Let that sink it for a minute.
Elaborating on this topic, I would say that it is also best to let go of all expectations. The future is simply something that we can not predict, but we can create. The truth is, we can never know what is going to happen 100% of the time, and I have learned to embrace it. Think about it, if you knew exactly what was going to happen, would life even be enjoyable? It’s almost as if life is a huge mystery and every day you uncover a new chapter. I truly embrace every single day now. Another personal example is today. I am off work, enjoying some Pandora-playing my favorite tunes-, drinking a damn good cup of coffee(quality-local brand), and writing down all these amazing thoughts, while glancing out of the window, noticing how beautiful the sunlight looks in my front yard. It is the smallest things, that mean the most to me. I feel like there is nothing more I could be doing. I quit being so hard on myself with all the expectations. Of course, I have goals, wants, and dreams, that I am going to work towards, but I do believe it is critical to take time to enjoy whatever it is you feel like doing in that moment. There is not a way to ever predict these moments. Trust me. I have told myself for days and days, that I was going to write when I arrived at home, or the next day off I am going to do this and that. But, for the past couple of weeks, I felt that I needed to really reflect and take in every single detail around me, and by doing so, something life-changing would occur. I knew that by taking a step back from writing, that I would discover the things I would later write about. Like, I understood that simply experiencing life and not worrying about writing it down, would result in better writing in the future, aka now. I am over-loaded with ideas, thoughts, inspiration, and overall full of positive energy. Just by writing this blog, I can understand that I have WAY WAY too many thoughts to try to put a title on it. Therefore, consequences make you who are, fits perfectly to me. Everything you do in this life is molding you into someone new, you just have to decide who you want to be, and what who you want to grow into. I could go on and on, and I plan to. But suddenly, I want to look at tattoos. So, that’s exactly what I am going to do. Be in the moment and things will start to work out for you. LAW OF ATTRACTION, next blog 😉
An edited version of my blog post about wishful thinking. I hope each and every one of you can take something from this. Please give me your opinons if you take the time to read. Thank you guys 🙂
As defined, Wishful thinking is the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality. It is a product of resolving conflicts between belief and desire.
Wishful thinking can conquer your happiness, cause you to become depressed, and even cause anxiety. It is a very unhealthy and harmful way to live your life based strictly on “wishful thinking”. With any situation, you should always “hope for the best, and expect the worst”. When you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your life or someone in it, it really can hurt you. Only thinking positive thoughts can hurt you as well. You wouldn’t think that always looking on the bright side, or having hope could be a bad thing. It’s all about balancing the good and the bad. You have to balance your thoughts and learn how to control them. Wishful thinking is not a bad thing. Just like anything else, you can have too much of a good thing. If you strictly think about the good outcomes, you will be much more disappointed if things do not go your way. You can only get your hopes up and your heart broke so many times before something finally clicks. A wake-up call. A slap in the face by reality. It isn’t going to be easy in the beginning, it is going to take time to learn how to manage your thoughts so be prepared for the struggle.
Start by living your life for the moment. In reality, all we ever have is the moment. You have the accept the fact that you have no control over what is going to happen in the future with other people. Sure, you can prepare for your own future and in a way you will determine your own future. For example, you can control your education, job, and who you choose to associate yourself with. But, you can not control how other people are going to treat you. It doesn’t matter how much you worry, the truth is you never know when someone will be out of your life. Unfornately, death may take them away from your life or they may simply chose another path causing you to lose contact with them. Whatever happens, it is ultimately beyond your control when it comes to other people actions, thoughts, and emotions.
When it comes to “dating”, wishful thinking can be a HUGE problem. You really have to take time to get to know someone before having thoughts of being with a certain individual. Wishful thinking is completely fine when you like someone, but always look at the situation with a realistic view point instead of judging things based on your emotions. When dating someone, you are getting to know them and enjoying their company. You have to give you relationship time to develop. It can be scary when feelings start to develop for another person because you become more vulnerable, and wishful thinking happens more frequently. You are only choosing to share your life with someone: Give them your love, invest your time, and risk your heart. No big deal, right? Be smart and be honest with yourself. It is necessary to really take some time to get to know who that person is before you can make that decision. Be sure to look at things for the moment, and try not to put too much hope into someone when you first meet them. You shouldn’t allow yourself to get caught up in the “idea” of being with that person. Do not convince yourself that you are going to end up being with this person for the rest of your life. You must accept the fact that you may get hurt again, because nothing is ever set in stone.
This type of thinking doesn’t just go for “dating’ but any relationship that you develop with another person. Whether it be friends, or roommates, it going to be a constant risk allowing someone in your life. It is up to you how you decide to deal with your thoughts and emotions. Facing reality and being logical seems like common sense, yet it can be hard if you allow yourself to get caught up in wishful thinking. You must always remember that wishful thinking is strictly based on thoughts of what YOU want to happen with a certain person or situation. Do not forget that those thoughts may not ever come true. Be sure to always look at all the possibilities of the situation in order to accept each and every outcome. Once you accept every outcome, you are setting yourself up for success. You may still get your hopes up. You may still get your heart broken. You may even lose your bestfriend, but at least you will be able to get through it easier because you have already accepted the outcome was a possibility from the very beginning.