Tag Archives: break-up

Burnt Out

I am in a completely new phase that I didn’t imagine I would ever go through. I legitimately do not want to pursue a relationship with another guy right now. I don’t want to meet anyone new, go out on a date, or even fall in love. I feel as if this is the first time in my life that I am ready to go through the hardships of being alone for an long amount of time. I have always been the type of person to want to be in a relationship, due to many factors and reasons that I am still discovering today. I am discovering myself for the first time in my life.

I have realized that taking some serious time to myself is going to greatly help me get to a better mindset and a healthier emotional state. I have to listen to my spirit and protect myself by taking time to heal from the experiences I have been through. Without taking time to seriously reflect, separate myself, I don’t think I will genuinely be able to grow. Due to the circumstances with guys, I have decided to remove myself from all situations.

I deleted my Tinder.

I cut off those who won’t worth my time and who only wanted to use me.

I don’t have many conversations with guys, because I don’t want to be presented with an romantic, sexual, or any potential opportunity that could present itself.

Right now, I have to surround myself with friends and let go of all other distractions.

It’s about time I gave myself the biggest reality check of them all.

I have reached that point to where I am burnt out and want nothing more than to spend some time single.

Any desire, hope, dream, or idea of a relationship has been crushed, destroyed, or dismissed.

I am finally ready to embrace this reality and take in all the emotions that come with being 100% single.

Here’s to yet another beginning and another path on my journey in this life!

I’ll Hold Out My Hand

I’ll Hold Out My Hand

Walking away isn’t nearly as hard as not turning around.

I wasn’t suppose to fall for you, yet here I am on my knees

You left me right where you found me.

 I’m wishing you would come pick me up again.

I’m drowning without you, but in your presence I will surely suffocate.

I know you aren’t coming back, but here I wait.

Do I turn around, go forward, or stay right where I am?

I reach out for your hand, and call out your name.

This was never apart of our plan, things may never be the same.

The emptiness lingers around me,

Keeping me company to remind that you’re really gone.

Will you come back for me?

Will I still be here if you return?

What if, I turned around?

Would you be there where I found you

Waiting for me to come back to you, too?

Pain is Just A Thing

Pain. It makes us who we are. We have two options when it comes to pain. Let it destroy us or let it change us. There are experiences in our lives that cause us pain, it is unavoidable. It will happen to us all. We may never understand why we have to feel pain but we must accept that pain is a part of life. There is no escaping pain, there is not a way to get rid of pain. Pain is something we must live with and carry around with us every day for our entire lives. It is a very unfortunate feeling but pain doesn’t have to consume us. We have to understand that pain causes us to feel other negative emotions such as regret, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, shame, rage, anger, agony, distress and misery. These are some of the most commonly recognized emotions because these emotions are what we feel first because of pain. For example, I am dealing with a broken-heart among past feelings due to other bad experiences in my life. All this really hurts all the time right now but I am not letting it conquer me. I feel down, lonely, irritated, frustrated, regretful, sadness, and confused. All because of one thing: pain.

Sorrow is a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Misery is a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body. Agony is extreme physical or mental suffering. Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Regret is feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, esp. a loss or missed opportunity). Distress is extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain.

I just wanted to define a few emotions to make a point. All of these are negative and well only hurt us more if we don’t realize pain for what it is. It is alright to feel them and it is impossible not to feel them at some point during our lives. But we can not get too consumed in these emotions because they can lead to more negativity such as depression. Pain also causes us to make poor decisions. We are all guilty of masking our pain, trying to cover it up, and throwing it to the back of our minds. We just pretend it doesn’t exist or ignore it altogether. Some people use alcohol, weed, pills, or other drugs. Some develop compulsive behavior, such as gambling, shopping, pornography, etc. Others use games, books, television, and other activities to escape their feelings. Pain is just a thing, it is what it is. We can not change it, we can not run from it, and we can not hide. Pain will always find you. It doesn’t matter how many beers you drink or how many games you play. Eventually your mind is going to remember what you are trying to avoid and it will come crashing down on you even worse. For example, last night I wanted to drink to have a carefree night without the constant reminder that I lost the man I love. I wanted to stop feeling this knot in my chest for one night. I drink 4 beers and decided to watch a new tv series. You know double up on my escape plan. I should have learned my lesson by now that it never works but sometimes we just have to do it again, just to feel a little better for a short while. I was golden for about an hour and a half, after that I was in tears once again. The pain was coming on stronger than before I started drinking, but I didn’t care so I just downed the whole glass of beer in my hand. Sure, it made me feel better at first, but overall it didn’t change anything. I still hurt the same, I still feel the same knot in my chest. What I am getting at is we need to look at pain and say, “Stop right there. I acknowledge you and yes you hurt me a lot BUT I will not surrender to you. I will feel you only because I know I have to. I have push myself everyday to feel the all the emotions you bring.” We must look at pain in the face, eye to eye and say, “I will overcome you. I will not let you destroy me. I will not let you define me  because I own you.” Pain changes people but it doesn’t have to be for the worst.

Lately, I have been thinking about pain and trying to find something positive to say about it. I have came up with quite a list of things you may not even realize is associated with pain. We can take our pain, and put all those emotions together to create energy. We can turn all that negativity into positive energy. We can make pain our motivation, determination, strength, courage, and our power. We can use pain to drive us. We can use pain to push us towards our goals, our dreams, our passions, and our purpose in life. Pain doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it is all about how you look at it. When you change the way you think about pain, you change the way pain affects your life. When you understand that pain is something that must be felt, then realize that all your feelings can be used to benefit your life as a result you will start to feel much better. For example, I use pain to be my motivation to go to the gym and to become emotional stable. Of course, I feel physical pain because of my work-out but honestly, that is a reminder that I am improving my body. So why not use emotional pain, as a way to improve your mind. Let it guide you into a more positive lifestyle. For me, I am allowing myself to feel so that I can find happiness, love, and peace all within myself. It exists in us all, we must dig deep to feel this way but I can sense myself getting closer everyday. It is not an easy journey and it will not be an quick task to get your mind thinking positive. Yes, I still try to escape sometimes, but that is just part of dealing with pain. At least at the end of the day, I can look back and see how far I have grown because of my past and all the pain I have felt. I wouldn’t have it any other way and I hope to always feel this way. Make pain your inspiration and smile even if it hurts!

Pain makes us stronger. Pain makes us wiser. Pain molds us. Pain changes us. Pain is hope. Pain is your opportunity,

With All the Broken Pieces of My Heart

This is a poem, I wrote about my ex-boyfriend last year, it bought tears to my eyes when i read it again and i felt the need to share it with the world because now that he isn’t apart of my life, the meaning really touches me in a way I can’t explain. Here’s to anyone who has ever lost someone who was there to heal their broken heart from their troublesome past. I will never forget him. I will always cherish him in my heart.

With All the Broken Pieces of My Heart

I love you with every piece of my broken heart, I have right from the start

When pain and sadness is all you know it is hard to believe what you show,

Your kind sweet words soothed me, proved to me the truth

Showed me the path out of the dark shadows of my past

You saved me from myself, from my insecurities eating away in my mind

Consuming me and capturing me in a prison filled with agony and regret

You lead me out, freed me from that horrible sentence, to feel happy again is amazing as ever

I never want to be locked up again so now I have to begin

To forget the bad and allow the good to always be present

Please don’t ever go, my handsome hero…take me to paradise in your arms

It doesn’t hurt when I am there, thanks to your love and care

It is where I always want to be, I will never leave you

Cause if I did I would return as a prisoner as well as a victim to myself

This ensures I will never go, I couldn’t leave the one who stole my heart

And put it back together, yes it is true

I loved you from the start with all the broken pieces of my heart.

Cycles of Emotions

 

Cycles of Emotions

A few hours go by and I am perfectly content

The next day arrives with no harm meant

Yet, I am battling emotions left and right

At times holding back tears with all my might

Reminiscing on our memories all day long

Other days spent wondering just what went wrong

Occasionally sorrow and anger start to surface

Then I get to thinking what is your purpose

Why would you walk away after all this history

Each and every day it is a great unknown mystery

I know you and this isn’t the person you are

Actions speak louder than words by far

The expressions you displayed are not of the voice you played

The fact that you gave me a last kiss, doesn’t make any sense

Hope begins to sink in when remembering the love we share

There is not a doubt in my heart that you still care, this isn’t fair

I try not to fall onto the path of desolation

I try to stay strong on my road of inspiration

Cycles of emotions and roller-coasters made full of feelings

It is difficult to stay on track when I am fighting that army

My predetermined destination is peace and harmony.

b r e n d a n m i c h a e l - Polyvore

Broken Love

images (2)

Broken Love

We had a connection right from the start

It wasn’t long before we stole each other’s heart

We were caught up in life’s sick twisted game

Now nothing will ever be quite the same

Our personal problems are to blame

We had nothing to lose, and everything to gain

We were caught up in a mix of pleasure and pain

I was broken, he was broken, we were complete

Too many problems, too many thoughts, too many mistakes

We wanted to fix it all, we wanted to take it all away

We just needed one other to not leave, to stay

All we wanted was for each other to be okay

But we couldn’t put all the pieces back in there place

Not enough time…. no… not this time.

He came into my life with all the right intentions

He had to walk away for all the right reasons.

We had to let each other go, we had to give each other space

All for a small chance, an ounce of hope, just in case

Once we all fully healed, we can meet again

We can have that option to be a friend

Love bought us together and love tore us apart.

When you lost your Love - Love Quotes

Half Empty

empty-closet

Half Empty

Everywhere I look, Everywhere I go

Everything I do, Everything I see

Memories of our love remain in the air

Moments of our life surround me

My bed we shared became ours

yet now it feels half empty

Half of the closet contains empty hangers, half of the shoes are now gone

Drawers contain nothing, and have nothing to fill them

Pictures of us, taken down yet I can still see them

Uncovered walls,  blank spots everywhere

Everywhere around me, is half empty space

In the bathroom it isn’t the same

The absence of your shampoo and body wash

It may sound silly, yet these items were cherished

Every little thing, some big, mostly small

The spaces between my fingers long to be filled

Desires run deep within my body for you

I can’t help but to feel incomplete without you here

Watching television shows, playing video games, reading books

These were our activities, something we did together

Now, doing them just doesn’t feel the same

Our goals, our dreams, our promises still remain in my head

Slowly all these things will fade, with time they will be forgotten

You walked away, you left me here alone

For all the right reasons, yet this feels so wrong

My heart is hurting, my mind is yearning, my soul is burning

You were my other half, my best-friend, my life, my future

I miss everything, I miss you, I miss us