Tag Archives: depressed

Current Thoughts: Blog Origins, Self-Discovery, Writing

Sometimes, I ask myself why am I living my life this way? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go back to college, get a normal job, and just settle into society’s standards. That’s self-doubt and it sucks. It is something I am sure we are all struggling with among many other emotions. That’s why I started this blog, because I wanted to understand my emotions and ultimately conquer them completely. In 2014, I was at the lowest point I have ever been due to foot surgery and break-up ending all at once. I had invested an incredible amount of time and energy into a relationship based upon this fantasy in my head and also I felt like my college degree was useless, because I feared the worst. In less than 4 months, my entire life was turned upside down. I also had an heated discussion with my dad, more like me telling him exactly how I felt, but the anger and hurt came out, so needless to say, we haven’t talked since. Also, my best-friend at the time quit talking to me all together. I think it was like a 10 year friendship, suddenly gone. I was spiraling down.

(The first month I was taking my pain medication mainly, because I was depressed and numbing out was the solution. I wasn’t overtaking my medication, but I made sure not to miss one dose. I know I have an addictive personality and I had to remember that when I thought about getting more of these to take after I took the last pill. Thankfully, I never actually took anymore, but I know not everyone else is not in the same boat. I live in a neighborhood where many people are addicted to them and I don’t want to go down that path. I have seen where it leads. So, I decided to deal with the pain through writing, because that’s all I felt I had left. Whoa, the emotions coming up as I reflect upon that dark time in my past.

Now, I’m wondering if this blog is too personal? Or am I just being vulnerable? Either way, I feel like the only way that we can truly learn from one another is to open up about some of our deepest struggles.

Alcohol soon became a new friend to me over the years 2014-2016. I went through a 3 month straight downward spiral, I would drink about 3-4 beers almost every night. One day, I realized that I was going down the wrong path yet again with alcohol. Honestly, I have always made regretful decisions when I drank too much. So, the next day I quit. Then, last year 2016, alcohol took it’s grip on me again. I was drinking regularly but not always getting drunk. Then, one night I decided to drive when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to stay with the person I was drinking with due to personal reasons. Anyway, long story short, I was arrested and was in the booking/holding areas for like five hours. It felt like the longest night I ever lived. I was completely dehydrated, just worked a double, tired, starving, and emotional. Then, I had to face my parents who had been waiting hours for me to be released. I don’t want to talk too much about what happened, because

I am still on probation. More to come 7/7/17.

777, I wonder if that has some significant meaning. I will have to research that later.

Anyways, this blog become a place for me to escape and get real with myself through sharing my experiences with the world. I have made many of my past blogs private due to the amount of personal information shared. At the time, I was writing under this blog anonymously. In recent years, I have wanted to share some of my writings with my family, friends, and people I meet. I wanted to write about the early struggles that brought me to writing and share why I think it is important to write down what you are thinking, feelings, and what you want out of life. This is where things may get a little inspirational for you. Each person interprets information, images, words, etc with their own perspectives which act as filters to create their own meaning of what they experience. Whether it’s music, art, writing, and other creative personal journeys we are all experiencing something that we have imagined in our minds. I have thinking a lot about different theories and perspectives about life and manifestation the life you want by setting intentions, being mindful, being creative, and and practicing gratitude.

I suppose that by writing about my struggles allows me to understand them more, share the experience with others, and truly heal from past experiences. This entire blog lead me to a path of self-discovery. That is why I feel so attached to it and want to continue to envision things for this blog in the future. I want to help others heal from their wounds by understanding their emotions and ways towards living a more positive, healthy lifestyle based on their personal goals and dreams. I feel strongly that I may be able to do that with this blog.

One of my biggest realizations is that I desire to travel. I decided that I am going on a road-trip next year. Hopefully for three months. I am extremely nervous, but I am ready to make this a reality. The feeling I get when I think about discovering new places in nature and being disconnected from the city is unlike anything I can really describe. The power of wanderlust is so deeply integrated within me. I have been experiencing very vivid day-dreams and even dreaming at night about beautiful nature landscapes and the open road. This dream is alive. And that’s something that I want people to think about.

If this is my dream, what is yours? Imagine if we all starting dreaming up a new way of life? A new way of living. A new society. I get so pumped up thinking about the future and all of the positive changes that are already taking places in all the different communities. We are uniting and deciding that in order to see change is the be the change and that is another part of my life mission. Being the change is something that inspires me daily to do what I do. I have many ideas on ways I want to bring inspiration and positivity into people’s lives.

Anyway’s this is my first blog I have written in awhile. Thank you for supporting me on my journey during this life. In a way this is simply an online diary. And a travel blog in the future. Feel free to comment with your journey.

 

Instant Inspiration

Sometimes, it is easier for me to give advice, then take it. It comes natural to give others advice, but not listen to my own words. During these times, people like myself may need to be reminded of our inspiration. Being positive doesn’t mean you remain positive all the time. Everyone falls down into the darkness sometimes. It is up to each and every one of us to pick each other up by exposing us to the light again.

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Wishful Thinking (Edited)

An edited version of my blog post about wishful thinking. I hope each and every one of you can take something from this. Please give me your opinons if you take the time to read. Thank you guys 🙂 

 

 

As defined, Wishful thinking is the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality. It is a product of resolving conflicts between belief and desire.

 

Wishful thinking can conquer your happiness, cause you to become depressed, and even cause anxiety. It is a very unhealthy and harmful way to live your life based strictly on “wishful thinking”. With any situation, you should always “hope for the best, and expect the worst”. When you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your life or someone in it, it really can hurt you. Only thinking positive thoughts can hurt you as well. You wouldn’t think that always looking on the bright side, or having hope could be a bad thing. It’s all about balancing the good and the bad. You have to balance your thoughts and learn how to control them. Wishful thinking is not a bad thing. Just like anything else, you can have too much of a good thing. If you strictly think about the good outcomes, you will be much more disappointed if things do not go your way. You can only get your hopes up and your heart broke so many times before something finally clicks. A wake-up call. A slap in the face by reality. It isn’t going to be easy in the beginning, it is going to take time to learn how to manage your thoughts so be prepared for the struggle.

 

Start by living your life for the moment. In reality, all we ever have is the moment. You have the accept the fact that you have no control over what is going to happen in the future with other people. Sure, you can prepare for your own future and in a way you will determine your own future. For example, you can control your education, job, and who you choose to associate yourself with. But, you can not control how other people are going to treat you. It doesn’t matter how much you worry, the truth is you never know when someone will be out of your life. Unfornately, death may take them away from your life or they may simply chose another path causing you to lose contact with them. Whatever happens, it is ultimately beyond your control when it comes to other people actions, thoughts, and emotions.

 

When it comes to “dating”, wishful thinking can be a HUGE problem. You really have to take time to get to know someone before having thoughts of being with a certain individual. Wishful thinking is completely fine when you like someone, but always look at the situation with a realistic view point instead of judging things based on your emotions. When dating someone, you are getting to know them and enjoying their company. You have to give you relationship time to develop. It can be scary when feelings start to develop for another person because you become more vulnerable, and wishful thinking happens more frequently. You are only choosing to share your life with someone: Give them your love, invest your time, and risk your heart. No big deal, right? Be smart and be honest with yourself. It is necessary to really take some time to get to know who that person is before you can make that decision. Be sure to look at things for the moment, and try not to put too much hope into someone when you first meet them. You shouldn’t allow yourself to get caught up in the “idea” of being with that person. Do not convince yourself that you are going to end up being with this person for the rest of your life. You must accept the fact that you may get hurt again, because nothing is ever set in stone.

 

This type of thinking doesn’t just go for “dating’ but any relationship that you develop with another person. Whether it be friends, or roommates, it going to be a constant risk allowing someone in your life. It is up to you how you decide to deal with your thoughts and emotions. Facing reality and being logical seems like common sense, yet it can be hard if you allow yourself to get caught up in wishful thinking. You must always remember that wishful thinking is strictly based on thoughts of what YOU want to happen with a certain person or situation. Do not forget that those thoughts may not ever come true. Be sure to always look at all the possibilities of the situation in order to accept each and every outcome. Once you accept every outcome, you are setting yourself up for success. You may still get your hopes up. You may still get your heart broken. You may even lose your bestfriend, but at least you will be able to get through it easier because you have already accepted the outcome was a possibility from the very beginning.

Down in the Dumps

Have you noticed yourself being down lately, feeling like nothing ever goes right for you. Asking yourself why is it always me? What did I do to deserve this fate?

Stop. Quit all the negative self-talk. You are not to blame. Things happen no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try to avoid them. It isn’t going to change anything or make anything easier on yourself by blaming yourself. Shit happens, most of the time there is nothing we can do about it. For whatever reason unknown to us, life doesn’t go the way we want it. Sometimes it feels as if the weight on your shoulders is too much to bare. The sayings it is always something, or it never fails, I can’t win for losing, all these are right. Truth is we can not control the things that happen to us.There is nothing we can do to stop these things from happening so we need to face the fact that life isn’t fair but we have to make the best of the time we are given here.

Feeling guilty? Are you replaying the past over and over in your head? Wishing there was something more that could have been done or if one more word would have been said, maybe things would be better and this wouldn’t have happened. You can’t go back and change the past, understand what happened, and learn from your mistakes and let the regret go. Every moment has happened to us for a reason, no matter how small or how big, every second we have been alive we have to take something from it. Do not take your life for granted, appreciate the good and bad memories. They have made you who you are today and you should be thankful because you have been able to experience those times and have gained so much more wisdom and knowledge from life.

Feeling anxious, are you thinking about the future? Give it time, slow down, relax. Enjoy the present moment because if you don’t you aren’t really living. Isn’t that what life is for? This is a huge struggle for many because we always thieve to be better and to improve ourselves and our lives. But we can not forget about the present because tomorrow is not promised, we never know what could happen. One day we are here and the next we could be gone. Take the time to really look into the present, and break it apart. You will see things that you never even knew where there. For example, say you have work in the morning and it is a block or so from your house. Maybe you always sleep in for this reason, well what if you took the time to wake up just a few more minutes earlier. Then, walked to work without being in a rush this time. You’re probably thinking okay so? What’s the point?

You could actually enjoy the walk, you could look at your surroundings, look up at the sky and realize just how lucky you are to be alive, we are so small compared to the rest of the world and even smaller compared to the rest of the universe. So breath in the fresh air, start dancing, sing, do whatever you what to do on your way to work, be free and let it all the worry go.

Next time you feel yourself getting down in the dumps, remember these things and that life is what you make it. Do not cheat yourself by being upset. Of course pain is just apart of life and sometimes we have to cry, and be sad just remember to pick yourself up and realize what really matters at the end of the day. It is not what happened last week. It is not what is happening tomorrow. It is the here and now.