Tag Archives: dreams

Current Thoughts: Blog Origins, Self-Discovery, Writing

Sometimes, I ask myself why am I living my life this way? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go back to college, get a normal job, and just settle into society’s standards. That’s self-doubt and it sucks. It is something I am sure we are all struggling with among many other emotions. That’s why I started this blog, because I wanted to understand my emotions and ultimately conquer them completely. In 2014, I was at the lowest point I have ever been due to foot surgery and break-up ending all at once. I had invested an incredible amount of time and energy into a relationship based upon this fantasy in my head and also I felt like my college degree was useless, because I feared the worst. In less than 4 months, my entire life was turned upside down. I also had an heated discussion with my dad, more like me telling him exactly how I felt, but the anger and hurt came out, so needless to say, we haven’t talked since. Also, my best-friend at the time quit talking to me all together. I think it was like a 10 year friendship, suddenly gone. I was spiraling down.

(The first month I was taking my pain medication mainly, because I was depressed and numbing out was the solution. I wasn’t overtaking my medication, but I made sure not to miss one dose. I know I have an addictive personality and I had to remember that when I thought about getting more of these to take after I took the last pill. Thankfully, I never actually took anymore, but I know not everyone else is not in the same boat. I live in a neighborhood where many people are addicted to them and I don’t want to go down that path. I have seen where it leads. So, I decided to deal with the pain through writing, because that’s all I felt I had left. Whoa, the emotions coming up as I reflect upon that dark time in my past.

Now, I’m wondering if this blog is too personal? Or am I just being vulnerable? Either way, I feel like the only way that we can truly learn from one another is to open up about some of our deepest struggles.

Alcohol soon became a new friend to me over the years 2014-2016. I went through a 3 month straight downward spiral, I would drink about 3-4 beers almost every night. One day, I realized that I was going down the wrong path yet again with alcohol. Honestly, I have always made regretful decisions when I drank too much. So, the next day I quit. Then, last year 2016, alcohol took it’s grip on me again. I was drinking regularly but not always getting drunk. Then, one night I decided to drive when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to stay with the person I was drinking with due to personal reasons. Anyway, long story short, I was arrested and was in the booking/holding areas for like five hours. It felt like the longest night I ever lived. I was completely dehydrated, just worked a double, tired, starving, and emotional. Then, I had to face my parents who had been waiting hours for me to be released. I don’t want to talk too much about what happened, because

I am still on probation. More to come 7/7/17.

777, I wonder if that has some significant meaning. I will have to research that later.

Anyways, this blog become a place for me to escape and get real with myself through sharing my experiences with the world. I have made many of my past blogs private due to the amount of personal information shared. At the time, I was writing under this blog anonymously. In recent years, I have wanted to share some of my writings with my family, friends, and people I meet. I wanted to write about the early struggles that brought me to writing and share why I think it is important to write down what you are thinking, feelings, and what you want out of life. This is where things may get a little inspirational for you. Each person interprets information, images, words, etc with their own perspectives which act as filters to create their own meaning of what they experience. Whether it’s music, art, writing, and other creative personal journeys we are all experiencing something that we have imagined in our minds. I have thinking a lot about different theories and perspectives about life and manifestation the life you want by setting intentions, being mindful, being creative, and and practicing gratitude.

I suppose that by writing about my struggles allows me to understand them more, share the experience with others, and truly heal from past experiences. This entire blog lead me to a path of self-discovery. That is why I feel so attached to it and want to continue to envision things for this blog in the future. I want to help others heal from their wounds by understanding their emotions and ways towards living a more positive, healthy lifestyle based on their personal goals and dreams. I feel strongly that I may be able to do that with this blog.

One of my biggest realizations is that I desire to travel. I decided that I am going on a road-trip next year. Hopefully for three months. I am extremely nervous, but I am ready to make this a reality. The feeling I get when I think about discovering new places in nature and being disconnected from the city is unlike anything I can really describe. The power of wanderlust is so deeply integrated within me. I have been experiencing very vivid day-dreams and even dreaming at night about beautiful nature landscapes and the open road. This dream is alive. And that’s something that I want people to think about.

If this is my dream, what is yours? Imagine if we all starting dreaming up a new way of life? A new way of living. A new society. I get so pumped up thinking about the future and all of the positive changes that are already taking places in all the different communities. We are uniting and deciding that in order to see change is the be the change and that is another part of my life mission. Being the change is something that inspires me daily to do what I do. I have many ideas on ways I want to bring inspiration and positivity into people’s lives.

Anyway’s this is my first blog I have written in awhile. Thank you for supporting me on my journey during this life. In a way this is simply an online diary. And a travel blog in the future. Feel free to comment with your journey.

 

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Blogging Stresses

I have realized that being able to stay content is one of my main weaknesses. My mind has been filled with all these wonderful ideas for my blog and how I want to build on this positivity idea.

For example, I am trying to make this website better, but I am missing the fact that I don’t have the knowledge for it. Earlier, I tried to download wordpress 4.4 on my computer. Needless, to say that went down the drain when I was presented with tons of information that was foreign to me. I keep telling myself, just believe you can make this happen and it will.

That is  a true statement, but I have to understand that I am not in a position to go forward with this website and blog anymore than I have. This week alone, I have started a facebook account, an instagram account, and bought the domain name. Also, published many more blogs and beat my daily Stat records. I should be proud that I have come this far and give myself a break.

I get so consumed in an idea sometimes  and try to jump ahead of myself. After spending another night, trying to download software and use codes that I had no knowledge of, I realized something. I’m not ready for that step. It is going to take my years upon years to make this happen.

I have to slow down and remember why I’m doing this. It’s not for the traffic, or to make money. It’s to help myself understand what it is I am going through. Of course, I have a passion to help others that’s why I have chosen to make this blog public.

Something I am going to work on this week is being more content with what I have going on in my life. Focus on the projects I have already started and make some time not to worry about anything. Set some time aside to “burn” and enjoy without questioning whether I should be wrapped up in a book or writing a blog post.

Not to mention, I went through some difficult times with my ex boyfriend the other night and I haven’t given myself a chance to fully get over it all, because I’ve been so focused on this blog.

Basically, to sum this up I have to find a healthy balance in my life and quit looking too far ahead.

It’s great to have goals, but it’s important to slow down, in order to take in everything that is happening in your life.

A Splash of Positivity

KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Be prepared to spend time in a state of unexpected solitude at any given moment of your life. Sometimes, it necessary to close doors, in order to open new opportunities in your life. It is better to be alone reflecting on what it is your truly desire, than to be around someone who isn’t for-fulling that desire. If you surround yourself with people who are not meeting your standards, who leave you wanting something more, and who simply don’t care to invest time into you, then walk away. You deserve to get as much out of a situation as you are putting into it. Do not allow people to manipulate you, belittle you, make you feel guilty for wanting more, etc. You are obligated to cut people off who are not benefiting you. Yes, it may be selfish. At times, you may doubt yourself. But, you must understand there is a bigger picture being painted and you are the one in control of making sure that picture is a masterpiece. It’s your life and you only get one chance. Don’t cheat yourself by being surrounded by those who are going to use you, take advantage of you, or drain your energy. Be picky and don’t ever feel bad about doing what is best for you and your goals, dreams, and desires. If something or someone is in the way, then be done with it! Raise your standards. I promise you a life spent in solitude is more beneficial than always hoping for something more with someone else. If you want something, then you have the right to have it!

If you enjoyed this post then please like my Facebook page and help spread my writings 😀

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Positive Note

Sometimes we have to put ourselves through hell in order to realize exactly what heaven feels like. During these times, we will probably lose our minds, change our perceptive on life (multiple times), go back on everything we ever believed in and do things we never imagined we could do, both positive and negative. Its about how you react to these times that really affect who you are as a person. It is during these times that you are able to reflect on who you have been, who you are currently, and who you would like to become. It is important to keep an open-mind and don’t be too judgmental of yourself or other people. We are all in this journey together, so when you think about it why make it all so serious? Embrace all the emotions, thoughts, and memories you create and continue to build wisdom based on everything you go through. Every moment is crucial to your soul. There is a reason for every experience, some times it may take you awhile to realize this, as well as find the reason at all. With every possibility in life lays an opportunity. It is up to you to decide what risk you will take.

Join the gym and push yourself harder than ever before.

Go out to eat alone. Take yourself out on solo adventures.

Try new activities. Do things you never thought you would.

Buy flowers. Explore around your hometown.

Go places your have never been. Talk to strangers.

Open up your mind. Expand your consciousness.

Be happy. Be free. Be you.

Why Not Just Move?

For years and years I have contemplated the idea of traveling around the world. For the longest time, I thought that it simply wasn’t realistic. Negative thinking was hard at play, my thoughts were telling me that I would never make enough money to be able to afford it, that place is too far away, etc. My fear to be alone stood in the way for the longest portion of my life. I didn’t want to leave the house alone and now I am considering traveling solo. I have sure come a long way from where I started out when I first thought about traveling. I did a culinary project on Northwestern cuisine and by doing so, I was exposed to Washington and Oregon. I came across scenic photographs of the Oregon forests, waterfalls, coast, and mountains while researching the cuisine. This was nearly four years ago! I told myself I would take a trip there eventually, but I soon became distracted by other goals and wishes. I forgot all about my Northwest dream, until the past couple of months. I kept saying, and saying I was going to take a huge trip to the Northwest next year. So, today I decided to start researching what I would do there. Everything was popping out to me. Rose gardens, waterfalls, coffee shops, restaurants. I started typing up everything I was discovering, when suddenly I realized something! How am I going to be able to do everything I want to do just by visiting for a couple of weeks? I thought about this for a bit, and kept browsing more and more websites. I began thinking to myself, there is nearly 6 coffee shops I want to go to, how the hell would I ever fit that in? I need to just live there, but I am not there. Hmmm. The trip is going to take at least 4-5 days just for the travel to get there and to get back home. So, I thought about it some more. Why not just move there? Seriously. Then, it clicked. This is what I have to do. I won’t be satisfied until it happens. That would be my ULTIMATE adventure. Moving somewhere brand new. Starting out fresh.

I already have 1500 dollars saved up for this trip, so I’m going to start putting back everything I make for this decision. At this point, I have no idea where my life is going and this may be what I need to get my life going in the direction I want it to go. I may not live there for the rest of my life, but temporarily is possible. New goal, move there by the time I am 25. I have no choice but to do this. This is the time for me to make things happen. Time to bust my ass and get that money!

Hiking Therapy

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Upon waking up today, I randomly decided it was time for me to go exploring. I didn’t waste any time, nor did I wait around for someone to reply to my post on Facebook I made about going to Fall Creek Falls. Monday, I went to Cummin’s Falls and spent pretty much the entire day out there, but since I had today and tomorrow off, I wanted to plan a two-day trip. Instantly, Fall Creek Falls popped into my mind and I was rushing to get everything packed, hotel booked, clothes washed, gas in the car, and snacks in my basket at the grocery store. After about three hours of driving down the highway, taking a quick bathroom break, and waving left and right down the curvy roads to get the park, I arrived at Fall Creek Falls with an attitude filled with determination and craving adventure. I couldn’t check into my hotel until 4pm, so I had plenty of time to kill. After detouring down the scenic drive (peeing on the side of the road, it’s only natural :D) and finally remembering where it was I had been looking for I arrived at the overlook of the Fall Creek Falls waterfall.

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As soon as I looked down at the waterfall, excitement built up inside of me. This was the trip I have been waiting years for. I had to get down there as quickly as I possible. I asked some random guy which way the trail was to get down there, he pointed me in the right direction, and I was on my way.

As I was preceding to the trail, an old man gave me his walking stick saying that I may need it farther down. I took it from him, thanked him and headed down the path.

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It didn’t seem to be as challenging as I remembered, not sure if that is because I have hiked it before, or because I have been working out a lot lately. Either way, I made it down without being out of breath. Once I was down there, I wasn’t completely satisfied. It was almost like it wasn’t challenging enough. But, I was in awe of how beautiful the waterfall was and how the mist looked around the rocks. I couldn’t look away and I continued to venture closer and closer to the waterfall. It may not have been the biggest waterfall I have ever seen, but it was still just as beautiful. Nature is truly inspiring to me. 50 selfies later, I decided that it was time to hike back up. I stopped some guy and asked him to take a photo of me by the waterfall.

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I continued hiking back, anticipating where I was going to go next. Thoughts of inspiration were racing through my mind the entire time. I wandered onto the trail that lead to the nature center. I chose to take the longer of the two paths in order to get there. I figured it would be more of a challenge. There were several overlooks on my way to the nature center. I knew in my mind I couldn’t wait to get to the cascades though. I have had that place stuck in my mind for years now, because last time I was here I couldn’t go down that way. The overlook to Cane Creek Falls was absolutely stunning. I probably stood there for a good ten minutes or so. I didn’t want to leave this view.

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Once I was back on track, it didn’t take long before I reached the nature center. It was pretty basic in there. Ya know, souvenirs, information about the park, history of the park on the walls, and an middle-aged woman who was clearly ready to leave, because I walked in at closing time. I didn’t spend much time in there. I grabbed a couple of books and a park map and was on my way out the door. Ahh, the cascades. I pretty much ran down the trail, only to come upon a swinging bridge. OH. It wasn’t that bad. At least, I was able to get an inspirational picture from it and it was a bit terrifying to cross, but isn’t that what life is about? Being able to get over things that seem scary at the time?

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The journey to get to the cascades was definitely worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat! I literally stayed there the longest of all the scenes I traveled to today. I felt so at peace and at one with nature. I wanted to get into the water and swim, but it was too cold unfortunately. I was kinda bummed out about that, but didn’t let it get me down. I was just thankful to be able to finally be there. My dreams are finally becoming reality and nothing feels better than that.

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It was quite amusing when this man and his young son came around the corner only to discover me in a swimsuit, posing for my camera that was propped up against the rocks. He kinda just pulled his son’s arm and turned around. I felt a little awkward, but shook it off. I did put my clothes back on soon after that though. Ah, I felt content in that moment. More content than I had felt in a very long time. I wanted to come back to this place for so long. I think to prove to myself that I could do it alone and also to redeem the last time I was here when I was 18 with an ex-bf. He didn’t want to go to the cascades, so I didn’t go. I felt like I had cheated myself from an experience ever since then. It feels amazing to be able to say I made it and I did something I enjoyed for me.

I observed many squirrels, some deer, and a lot of grand-daddy long-legged spiders. I think that is the name of them. Nature is such a beautifully crafted mystery that happens all by chance. I feel honored to be able to walk in the paths carved out by it’s creator. I feel spirituality at one with everything in the world by being in this place. I finished the night off by going back to the hotel room, taking a shower, eating a buffet that surely had the world’s worst fish and chicken, yet the soup was good. It’s all about finding the good things in everything you do in life. Plus, enjoying a craft brewed beer doesn’t hurt any either. Ugh, artificially flavored cherry cobbler wasn’t the best choice either.

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I went to the small gift shop at the hotel, didn’t find anything that interested me so I decided to head over to the general store. Once I arrived, it seemed a bit too dark, and I discovered online that it had closed at 6. I questioned myself for not looking it up before, but what happened next was the highlight of this whole trip I think.

I drove past the lake and decided to stop really quick and look up at the stars. It had completely slipped my mind that I could actually see them. It was pitch black outside, like as soon as I turned off my phone’s flashlight, it felt like everything melted together. The sky, the earth and me. Darkness. When, I looked up. I literally couldn’t breath for a moment. The sight of all those stars in the sky was mesmerizing. I stand in the darkness in total awe. I don’t think I had ever witnessed so many stars in my life. It made me realize how small I truly am. How small we all are in this world. Which made my gratitude grow even greater.

I feel transformed. Overwhelmed by how I am changing. Changing into someone new. The fact that I drove 2-3 hours away, all alone is a huge accomplishment for me. I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store by myself a year ago. I have started to grow into my own individuality and to feel alone is astonishingly comfortable. There isn’t any words to express how free I feel. I feel like I have finally found peace within myself. The exact thing I set out to do almost two years ago. I wish I could live in this moment forever, but I can’t so I am going to continue to embrace all of these “new” feelings as I lay down. Not afraid. Not really feeling lonely.

Tomorrow is a fresh new journey. I am going to do some more hiking and exploring. I can’t imagine what I will find out about myself next. This is what it feels like to be living your dreams and it feels unlike anything I have ever felt before.

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Like the bright blue sky above me, be open and free. Be limitless without any boundaries. Accept everything that flies into your sky, because it is all apart of you. Welcome all emotions and feelings into your life; the good, the bad, the unwanted, and the anticipated. It is all happening for a reason. Live a life of gratitude.

Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from doing what you want to do in this life. The truth is some people aren’t going to understand. Do it anyway. Sometimes, the best things in life are experienced in solitude. Dare to be different and don’t hesitate to go down the road less traveled. Be fearless and watch your dreams come true.

Life is Happiness

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What is my purpose? Why am I here?

I am sure these are two questions that most people ask themselves the most. But, where are the answers? Do they even exist? Personally, I believe that you will never really find the answers to these questions until you figure out what you want to do in life. For everyone that is going to be something different. For some, you may have no clue what you want out of life and that’s okay. Life is about finding yourself and figuring out what makes you happy. By setting goals, venturing out of your comfort zone and being open-minded you can figure it out. These are a few ways to begin your personal journey to find your happiness, which I think is our ultimate purpose, because if nothing else be happy in this life.

Finding your purpose isn’t going to be something that happens overnight. I am still trying to figure out my whole purpose in this life as well. It isn’t easy, because one day you may think you have it figured out and the next you are back at square one. It happens, that is just part of life. Becoming okay with that is probably going to be a hard thing for anyone to do, but you most know that is it okay to not know what you want out of life. I think life is an on-going ride, one day you may want to make someone happy by doing something nice for them, the next you may what to stay at home and watch Netflix all day. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, as long as you are smiling you are living.

I have come to this conclusion:

Do what makes you happy. Follow your dreams. Accomplish your goals. Become a better person. Inspire others.

If that is all life is, then personally I am fine with that. You can either waste time by questioning life every single day and still not finding an answer, or you can live your life doing what makes you happy. That is what is most important.

My purpose in this life may be to learn whatever I can, experience as much as I can, meet as many people as I can, travel to as many places as I can, and be the best I can and right now that is all I know.

I’m not going to get down if I can’t accomplish my goals right away. That is fine, as long as I am working my way towards them.

Life is about learning.

Life is about a lot of things.

Find your thing.

Find your happiness.