Tag Archives: humanity

Current Thoughts: Blog Origins, Self-Discovery, Writing

Sometimes, I ask myself why am I living my life this way? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go back to college, get a normal job, and just settle into society’s standards. That’s self-doubt and it sucks. It is something I am sure we are all struggling with among many other emotions. That’s why I started this blog, because I wanted to understand my emotions and ultimately conquer them completely. In 2014, I was at the lowest point I have ever been due to foot surgery and break-up ending all at once. I had invested an incredible amount of time and energy into a relationship based upon this fantasy in my head and also I felt like my college degree was useless, because I feared the worst. In less than 4 months, my entire life was turned upside down. I also had an heated discussion with my dad, more like me telling him exactly how I felt, but the anger and hurt came out, so needless to say, we haven’t talked since. Also, my best-friend at the time quit talking to me all together. I think it was like a 10 year friendship, suddenly gone. I was spiraling down.

(The first month I was taking my pain medication mainly, because I was depressed and numbing out was the solution. I wasn’t overtaking my medication, but I made sure not to miss one dose. I know I have an addictive personality and I had to remember that when I thought about getting more of these to take after I took the last pill. Thankfully, I never actually took anymore, but I know not everyone else is not in the same boat. I live in a neighborhood where many people are addicted to them and I don’t want to go down that path. I have seen where it leads. So, I decided to deal with the pain through writing, because that’s all I felt I had left. Whoa, the emotions coming up as I reflect upon that dark time in my past.

Now, I’m wondering if this blog is too personal? Or am I just being vulnerable? Either way, I feel like the only way that we can truly learn from one another is to open up about some of our deepest struggles.

Alcohol soon became a new friend to me over the years 2014-2016. I went through a 3 month straight downward spiral, I would drink about 3-4 beers almost every night. One day, I realized that I was going down the wrong path yet again with alcohol. Honestly, I have always made regretful decisions when I drank too much. So, the next day I quit. Then, last year 2016, alcohol took it’s grip on me again. I was drinking regularly but not always getting drunk. Then, one night I decided to drive when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to stay with the person I was drinking with due to personal reasons. Anyway, long story short, I was arrested and was in the booking/holding areas for like five hours. It felt like the longest night I ever lived. I was completely dehydrated, just worked a double, tired, starving, and emotional. Then, I had to face my parents who had been waiting hours for me to be released. I don’t want to talk too much about what happened, because

I am still on probation. More to come 7/7/17.

777, I wonder if that has some significant meaning. I will have to research that later.

Anyways, this blog become a place for me to escape and get real with myself through sharing my experiences with the world. I have made many of my past blogs private due to the amount of personal information shared. At the time, I was writing under this blog anonymously. In recent years, I have wanted to share some of my writings with my family, friends, and people I meet. I wanted to write about the early struggles that brought me to writing and share why I think it is important to write down what you are thinking, feelings, and what you want out of life. This is where things may get a little inspirational for you. Each person interprets information, images, words, etc with their own perspectives which act as filters to create their own meaning of what they experience. Whether it’s music, art, writing, and other creative personal journeys we are all experiencing something that we have imagined in our minds. I have thinking a lot about different theories and perspectives about life and manifestation the life you want by setting intentions, being mindful, being creative, and and practicing gratitude.

I suppose that by writing about my struggles allows me to understand them more, share the experience with others, and truly heal from past experiences. This entire blog lead me to a path of self-discovery. That is why I feel so attached to it and want to continue to envision things for this blog in the future. I want to help others heal from their wounds by understanding their emotions and ways towards living a more positive, healthy lifestyle based on their personal goals and dreams. I feel strongly that I may be able to do that with this blog.

One of my biggest realizations is that I desire to travel. I decided that I am going on a road-trip next year. Hopefully for three months. I am extremely nervous, but I am ready to make this a reality. The feeling I get when I think about discovering new places in nature and being disconnected from the city is unlike anything I can really describe. The power of wanderlust is so deeply integrated within me. I have been experiencing very vivid day-dreams and even dreaming at night about beautiful nature landscapes and the open road. This dream is alive. And that’s something that I want people to think about.

If this is my dream, what is yours? Imagine if we all starting dreaming up a new way of life? A new way of living. A new society. I get so pumped up thinking about the future and all of the positive changes that are already taking places in all the different communities. We are uniting and deciding that in order to see change is the be the change and that is another part of my life mission. Being the change is something that inspires me daily to do what I do. I have many ideas on ways I want to bring inspiration and positivity into people’s lives.

Anyway’s this is my first blog I have written in awhile. Thank you for supporting me on my journey during this life. In a way this is simply an online diary. And a travel blog in the future. Feel free to comment with your journey.

 

Justice is Engraved in My Soul

libra-6-lg

Justice is engraved in my soul. I want to fight for the greater good for all of humanity, because I take everything so personally. It hurts me to see people suffering in any kind of way. I’m very emphatic and I’m still learning how to embrace it. I can’t shake this warrior energy. Even when these feelings leave me in the dust and feeling “shattered”, I have faith that I am meant to bring upon change to this world. I believe that those low times will enlighten me; show me charity. Even if I just inspire one person or make a small difference, that is enough for me. I will always stand up and seek those opportunities for equality and balance, whether that is me ranting online, protesting, meditating, writing, etc. I thrive for love and peace to radiate through my entire being and shine upon those who are in the dark. I am here for you friends; always.

Allow your light to burst into this existence!
🌌

14657514_10154080910482635_8689402336350343956_n

Enlightenment is Evolution

I am walking around an environment surrounded by many different structures varying in size and color. Suddenly, feelings of confusion and alienation come over me.

Where am I?

Looking down upon the ground, I see black pavement and pale sidewalks. Looking around me, I see other human beings, but I don’t think they see me. Stopping now, I observe their faces.

The sounds of many feet hitting these man-made surfaces seem to grow louder the longer I stand still.

Worry, Stress, Anxiety.

I feel it now.

The energy lingers in the air, as they pass by me with their tunnel vision.

Their minds aligned to the next destination.

Their focus on the next deadline.

Their minds on an imaginary clock.

Yet their awareness; empty.

I wonder where are they going and why won’t they look into my eyes?

Analyzing the huge signs in the air, I ask myself, who are these images and words for?Why does their messages make me desire something outside of myself? I feel like I am suppose to be listening, but I can’t comprehend. Are those letters talking to me?

I close my eyes to remember the last place where everything made sense.

I smell wooden trees and fresh plants. I feel the crisp air and the bright sun rays my skin. I hear the sounds of the leaves crunching, music playing, laughter, the birds singing, and the whispering of the wind. I feel the softness of the grass and the hardness of the dirt upon my feet. I see other people and they look at me radiating with light.  I remember who I am…

We hug, we dance, we talk, we sing, we eat.  

Connection. Unity. Freedom. Love. 

Back to the our essential being.

Allowing ourselves just to be.

To simply live in this existence without any obligations.

I’ll never forget how the embers of that fire danced with the night sky. 

Clarity. Peace. Serenity.

Where are those sensations? Where are those people? What is this place? How can this be where I call home?

Wait…

These people are the same; they just don’t know it. They don’t realize their true power. They are not aware of the loving energy radiating deep inside of them. They are distracted by social conditioning. They are filled with false judgments and complex misunderstandings. They are consumed with their egos and far away from their souls. They don’t know who they really are!

I must shine my light upon them to wake them up.

I must pour my love on them and heal them.

Enlightenment is evolution.

I am the messenger. The light worker. The peace keeper.

I have to tell them that this isn’t the way we were meant to live.

It’s time to tell them the truth…

This place wasn’t designed for us, it was designed by a select few.

Society is nothing more than a prison to keep us in debt and enslaved to a system that will never benefit us. These people trick us into believing that we need the things we see around us. Constant remainders that we must always have something bigger and better than ourselves, because we aren’t enough. We know we don’t want these things, but they persuade us any way.

Materialism and Capitalism are our biggest enemies.  

They have manipulated us to believe that we must do certain things, say certain things, and be certain things. But I am here to tell you, that we must not listen to them anymore.

Turn off the television. Quit listening to the radio. Think for yourself.

The hardest part is accepting that everything you ever believed is a lie.

To finally understand that this is reality is an man-made illusion.

They may be the controlling this game, but you have the choice whether or not you want to play.

If you throw in your cards; their whole world explodes.

When we come together there will be nothing standing in our way.

We must welcome this enlightenment, unite together, and evolve as one.

Do you feel that?

Your heart is beating and they can’t feel you.

Do you hear that?

That’s your thoughts and they can’t hear you.

What are you doing?

That’s your actions and they can’t see you. 

You are in control; never submit. Take back your power by remembering who you are.