Tag Archives: lonely

Transform From Your Emotions

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When you feel as if you are falling apart you should take that has a sign that you are growing. All the emotions you are feeling are proof of this process. These emotions are temporary, yet necessary for your personal journey.

For example, when you feel pain you must understand why you are feeling it by asking yourself questions and digging down deep for the answers. You have to remember that you contain the power to overcome those emotions. If you are lonely you must ask yourself why you are searching for something more than yourself. You have always been enough. You are already complete. Feeling lonely is only an illusion. We are connected with the entire universe. If you are scared you must realize that those feelings of fear do not really exist and that you are allowing your negative thoughts to influence your emotions.

Don’t be afraid to feel.

Emotions are created inside of you, therefore you have the power to control them. You must take a step back, allow yourself to go through them and fully fathom the reason for them. Ultimately, you must decide to let them go once and for all in order to create space in your life for thoughts and energy that is going to benefit you.

This process may break you down. It might tear you to pieces. You may feel as if the process will never be over. Let me tell you something, this process will always repeat itself in some way in your life. That is inevitable. That’s the bittersweet reality of how things are in this existence. You must accept that there can be no light without the dark.

But, hey isn’t it better that way? Think about it, if things went the way you wanted all the time, then you wouldn’t ever appreciate those moments of joy. You wouldn’t understand their worth. You wouldn’t even blink an eye at the good times, but by experiencing pain and grief you learn to appreciate the positive moments. Something as simple as waking up will suddenly turn into the most precious gift. Your entire mentality will start to change once you understand that you are not meant to remain the same. The more perspectives, ideas, theories, knowledge, and life experiences you obtain the more you will understand how transformation is necessary.

Not everything in life is black and white. It’s the gray areas that are most important. Be cautious some things are not as they appear on the surface. Also, understand that your mind will play tricks on you. You must take control and look at all aspects of life from every perspective you can imagine while diving into your emotions.

Keep in mind that you aren’t meant to stay in your emotions for long periods of time if they are going to have a negative affect on you. Your emotions are simply tools you must use to understand yourself on a deeper, more intellectual way. This process of self-reflection is meant to build you up and give you a better understanding of who you were, who you are, and who you are becoming.

We are all fighting a battle between the good and bad, at times it isn’t going to be clear what is right or wrong. Embrace these times. We don’t make mistakes. We create experiences that give us the opportunity to grow.

You personally must burn, blow up, and explode into someone completely new everyday. You aren’t meant to remain the same, because you were designed for transformation.

 

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Transform from Your Emotions

When you feel as if you are falling apart you should take that has a sign that you are growing. All the emotions you are feeling are proof of this process. These emotions are temporary, yet necessary for your personal journey.

For example, when you feel pain you must understand why you are feeling it by asking yourself questions and digging down deep for the answers. You have to remember that you contain the power to overcome those emotions. If you are lonely you must ask yourself why you are searching for something more than yourself. You have always been enough. You are already complete. Feeling lonely is only an illusion. We are connected with the entire universe. If you are scared you must realize that those feelings of fear do not really exist and that you are allowing your negative thoughts to influence your emotions.

Don’t be afraid to feel.

Emotions are created inside of you, therefore you have the power to control them. You must take a step back, allow yourself to go through them and fully fathom the reason for them. Ultimately, you must decide to let them go once and for all in order to create space in your life for thoughts and energy that is going to benefit you.

This process may break you down. It might tear you to pieces. You may feel as if the process will never be over. Let me tell you something, this process will always repeat itself in some way in your life. That is inevitable. That’s the bittersweet reality of how things are in this existence. You must accept that there can be no light without the dark.

But, hey isn’t it better that way? Think about it, if things went the way you wanted all the time, then you wouldn’t ever appreciate those moments of joy. You wouldn’t understand their worth. You wouldn’t even blink an eye at the good times, but by experiencing pain and grief you learn to appreciate the positive moments. Something as simple as waking up will suddenly turn into the most precious gift. You’re entire mentality will start to change once you understand that you are not meant to be the same person. 

Not everything in life is black and white. It’s the gray areas that are most important. Be cautious some things are not as they appear on the surface. Also, understand that your mind will play tricks on you. You must take control and look at all aspects of life from every perspective you can imagine while driving into your emotions.

Keep in mind, that you aren’t meant to stay in your emotions for long periods of time if they are going to have a negative affect on you. Your emotions are simply tools you must use to understand yourself on a deeper, more intellectual way.

We are all fighting a battle between the good and bad, at times it isn’t going to be clear what is right or wrong. Embrace these times. We don’t make mistakes. We create experiences that give us the opportunity to grow.

You personally must burn, blow up, and explode into someone completely new everyday. You aren’t meant to remain the same, because you were designed for transformation.

Like my Facebook for more convenience to my positivity posts 😀

https://www.facebook.com/Conquer-Your-Emotions-1538118779838221

Two Beer Kinda Morning

For the past two nights, I have been restless. The thoughts of what I have lost have really been bothering me. Just a few minutes ago, I finally cried a few tears but I have learned to push them back. It is true I just need to have a good cry and maybe I would feel better. Hopefully by writing this blog, the tears will flow as do the words on the screen in front of me. It seems this emptiness, alone feeling is becoming my new normal. The truth is I am still stick in this same pattern. On dating websites. It makes me feel less alone and I enjoy good conversation. I do hope to meet someone legit but for now I am satisfied with talking to random guys. I stopped being so picky and started talking to other guys who aren’t really that attractive to me. It doesn’t matter, it someone to talk to at this point. I feel desperate and I know I need to work through some things right now. I am on the edge of another breakdown, I can tell. I am finally more and more alone every day.

Also, I know I have developed a dependency for alcohol and herbs, once again. It is not something I am bragging about or suggest anyone else develop.

OKAY PISSED OFF. I had an entire post written and it’s just gone. Just like that fucking gone. I had so much written that I needed to see. So time for me to recap the best I can. But I am just not in the mood to rewrite everything, let me grab the second beer.

Alright, thanks WordPress way to mess up my buzz. Anyways let me try to remember what I had originally wrote in this blog. I realize that I am at the bottom right now and that they ONLY way to get to the top is to deal with all these emotions I am feeling. My thoughts have been drifting back to my ex a lot lately. I hate to admit it but I miss him. It makes me sick to my stomach that I still feel that way about him. It cuts down deep to the core. I mean, it’s been almost 5 months and I am still caught up on him. I love him. I thought I had worked through all these feelings already but here I am repeating history once more. I think I just miss having that one person to talk to.

Ever since my bestfriend cut me off, I have been feeling even more alone than before. Times like these are hard. But they are required. Like I said before you can’t get to the top without first being on the bottom. I realize where I am at. I understand where I have been and I know where I want to be. I just have to deal with all the baggage first. I also realize that I am okay. But I am not in a healthy position emotionally. I feel down. I feel abandoned. The guy I was screwing won’t text me, I refuse to text him. The guy I accidently hooked up with because I was drunk on 7 beers won’t reply to my texts wishing him the best, the guy who took my out on a date never talks to me anymore and my other friends have been distant. I understand that people are busy and I do not blame them nor am I angry. It just makes me feel replaceable, dirty, and unimportant. I really hate that this blog didn’t go through the first time because it hard to rewrite my emotions with the same level of power. UGH. Irritated.

Anyways I have accepted that I have become dependent on the feeling of being buzzed, high, drunk. It is a way for me to feel asleep at night without all my thoughts keeping me up at night. I feel so temporary when I think of those in my past who have walked away. My own father doesn’t even give a fuck. I mean thoughts like this really get me feeling down and questioning myself.

The only way for me to get through this cycle in my life is to deal with this phase. I know I am not living life to my potential. I also realize I am not on the right path, as far as turning to alcohol or illegal herbs. But it is what it is right now. I have accepted my flaws. I know I will not always engage myself in these activities for comfort but for tonight I am going to continue to drink this beer and allow the good vibes to wash over me.

I know my blog could be more inspirational, less personal, and more detailed. But this is me. This is my life. This is my FUCKED up situation. No I am not proper, I do cuss when I want. I am not here to impress anyone. I simply write this blog for clarity and to put my experiences out there. I hope that whoever reads this, if anyone can get some insight, knowledge, just something from it that would make me happy. Maybe even learn from my mistakes. I am not always positive but I will always acknowledge the positivity  exists. Of course I am negative right now because I don’t feel up to par. I am finding happiness at the end of a bottle. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or have pity towards me.

Like I said, I am rambling now because I desperately wish my past blog post would have saved instead of this redo. I have to continue to roll with the punches, deal with these emotions as they present themselves in my life. I hope you can respect my honesty. I am not making excuses for myself.  It is necessary I write so I can see for myself the truth. I can’t lie to myself.

 

Pain is Just A Thing

Pain. It makes us who we are. We have two options when it comes to pain. Let it destroy us or let it change us. There are experiences in our lives that cause us pain, it is unavoidable. It will happen to us all. We may never understand why we have to feel pain but we must accept that pain is a part of life. There is no escaping pain, there is not a way to get rid of pain. Pain is something we must live with and carry around with us every day for our entire lives. It is a very unfortunate feeling but pain doesn’t have to consume us. We have to understand that pain causes us to feel other negative emotions such as regret, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, shame, rage, anger, agony, distress and misery. These are some of the most commonly recognized emotions because these emotions are what we feel first because of pain. For example, I am dealing with a broken-heart among past feelings due to other bad experiences in my life. All this really hurts all the time right now but I am not letting it conquer me. I feel down, lonely, irritated, frustrated, regretful, sadness, and confused. All because of one thing: pain.

Sorrow is a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Misery is a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body. Agony is extreme physical or mental suffering. Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Regret is feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, esp. a loss or missed opportunity). Distress is extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain.

I just wanted to define a few emotions to make a point. All of these are negative and well only hurt us more if we don’t realize pain for what it is. It is alright to feel them and it is impossible not to feel them at some point during our lives. But we can not get too consumed in these emotions because they can lead to more negativity such as depression. Pain also causes us to make poor decisions. We are all guilty of masking our pain, trying to cover it up, and throwing it to the back of our minds. We just pretend it doesn’t exist or ignore it altogether. Some people use alcohol, weed, pills, or other drugs. Some develop compulsive behavior, such as gambling, shopping, pornography, etc. Others use games, books, television, and other activities to escape their feelings. Pain is just a thing, it is what it is. We can not change it, we can not run from it, and we can not hide. Pain will always find you. It doesn’t matter how many beers you drink or how many games you play. Eventually your mind is going to remember what you are trying to avoid and it will come crashing down on you even worse. For example, last night I wanted to drink to have a carefree night without the constant reminder that I lost the man I love. I wanted to stop feeling this knot in my chest for one night. I drink 4 beers and decided to watch a new tv series. You know double up on my escape plan. I should have learned my lesson by now that it never works but sometimes we just have to do it again, just to feel a little better for a short while. I was golden for about an hour and a half, after that I was in tears once again. The pain was coming on stronger than before I started drinking, but I didn’t care so I just downed the whole glass of beer in my hand. Sure, it made me feel better at first, but overall it didn’t change anything. I still hurt the same, I still feel the same knot in my chest. What I am getting at is we need to look at pain and say, “Stop right there. I acknowledge you and yes you hurt me a lot BUT I will not surrender to you. I will feel you only because I know I have to. I have push myself everyday to feel the all the emotions you bring.” We must look at pain in the face, eye to eye and say, “I will overcome you. I will not let you destroy me. I will not let you define me  because I own you.” Pain changes people but it doesn’t have to be for the worst.

Lately, I have been thinking about pain and trying to find something positive to say about it. I have came up with quite a list of things you may not even realize is associated with pain. We can take our pain, and put all those emotions together to create energy. We can turn all that negativity into positive energy. We can make pain our motivation, determination, strength, courage, and our power. We can use pain to drive us. We can use pain to push us towards our goals, our dreams, our passions, and our purpose in life. Pain doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it is all about how you look at it. When you change the way you think about pain, you change the way pain affects your life. When you understand that pain is something that must be felt, then realize that all your feelings can be used to benefit your life as a result you will start to feel much better. For example, I use pain to be my motivation to go to the gym and to become emotional stable. Of course, I feel physical pain because of my work-out but honestly, that is a reminder that I am improving my body. So why not use emotional pain, as a way to improve your mind. Let it guide you into a more positive lifestyle. For me, I am allowing myself to feel so that I can find happiness, love, and peace all within myself. It exists in us all, we must dig deep to feel this way but I can sense myself getting closer everyday. It is not an easy journey and it will not be an quick task to get your mind thinking positive. Yes, I still try to escape sometimes, but that is just part of dealing with pain. At least at the end of the day, I can look back and see how far I have grown because of my past and all the pain I have felt. I wouldn’t have it any other way and I hope to always feel this way. Make pain your inspiration and smile even if it hurts!

Pain makes us stronger. Pain makes us wiser. Pain molds us. Pain changes us. Pain is hope. Pain is your opportunity,

Half Empty

empty-closet

Half Empty

Everywhere I look, Everywhere I go

Everything I do, Everything I see

Memories of our love remain in the air

Moments of our life surround me

My bed we shared became ours

yet now it feels half empty

Half of the closet contains empty hangers, half of the shoes are now gone

Drawers contain nothing, and have nothing to fill them

Pictures of us, taken down yet I can still see them

Uncovered walls,  blank spots everywhere

Everywhere around me, is half empty space

In the bathroom it isn’t the same

The absence of your shampoo and body wash

It may sound silly, yet these items were cherished

Every little thing, some big, mostly small

The spaces between my fingers long to be filled

Desires run deep within my body for you

I can’t help but to feel incomplete without you here

Watching television shows, playing video games, reading books

These were our activities, something we did together

Now, doing them just doesn’t feel the same

Our goals, our dreams, our promises still remain in my head

Slowly all these things will fade, with time they will be forgotten

You walked away, you left me here alone

For all the right reasons, yet this feels so wrong

My heart is hurting, my mind is yearning, my soul is burning

You were my other half, my best-friend, my life, my future

I miss everything, I miss you, I miss us