Tag Archives: relationship

I’ll Hold Out My Hand

I’ll Hold Out My Hand

Walking away isn’t nearly as hard as not turning around.

I wasn’t suppose to fall for you, yet here I am on my knees

You left me right where you found me.

 I’m wishing you would come pick me up again.

I’m drowning without you, but in your presence I will surely suffocate.

I know you aren’t coming back, but here I wait.

Do I turn around, go forward, or stay right where I am?

I reach out for your hand, and call out your name.

This was never apart of our plan, things may never be the same.

The emptiness lingers around me,

Keeping me company to remind that you’re really gone.

Will you come back for me?

Will I still be here if you return?

What if, I turned around?

Would you be there where I found you

Waiting for me to come back to you, too?

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Life is Limited, But The Life You Live Doesn’t Have To Be

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Life is limited, but the life you live doesn’t have to be. 

It comes to no surprise that we are all living on borrowed time in this world. Life and death are the two concepts that make the world we live in continue spinning around and around again. Life is limited of course, and therefore we must do our best to live a life without limitations. We have to push our boundaries and dive deeper into what is out there waiting for us. We have to step into the unknown by getting out of our comfort zone and taking risks. We must understand that there is always something new out there waiting for us to find it. Whether that be a new book, or a new friendship, we must not allow ourselves to become too comfortable in our lives. If we allow ourselves to be comfortable, we are limiting ourselves from our own potentials. In life, we must be willing to always go the extra mile, go the longer way, take the harder road, because that is how we grow. That is how we become stronger, wiser, and better human beings. We should be willing to challenge ourselves, so that we can transform into a greater version of ourselves. We must also understand that there is always going to be more to life than what we are living. ALWAYS. There is consistent knowledge, information, and data out there in the universe for us to grasp and do what we wish with it.

If you are simply letting your life pass you by, you might want to take a stand and start walking in another direction. If you are feeling “stuck”, “bored”, or “lost”. It is time for you to pick another path. You must make a change in your life, so that you can figure out what you have been lacking. If you continue to stay in the same spot, you may become depressed, anxious, or even hopeless. Life is about removing boundaries and living out of the box you have created.You may be thinking, “Well this is how I have always lived and I am happy living this way, so I am not going to change or go looking for anything else, because I don’t feel the need to. I am content.” That is fine, do what makes you happy, but understand that you may not be living up to your potential. If you push yourself to open your mind, try something different, learn something new, you may find that life will become more exciting for you.

There are many opportunities out there waiting for us to find. We should want to go look for them. We should want to see what is out there and never stop searching. We must not limited ourselves by working our 9-5 job and being sucked into television or consumed into our phone screens. We need to take advantage of the technology in front of us and start digging into the internet. There is more information on there than you will ever discover, but why not try to find something? Remember you never know what you could find.

Be brave. Be open-minded. Be adventurous. Be free. Be limitless.

Discover new hobbies. Make new friends. Learn new things. Develop new skills. Set new goals.

Read more. Write more. Do more.

Don’t set limits, push every boundary, and tear down every wall.

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Lines Of Us

The worst kind of pain is the type that doesn’t even hurt.

You are the tear I didn’t let fall.

The missed opportunity I couldn’t take.

The disappointment to my expectation.

You are everything and nothing at all.

Pieces of our heart were tossed into an untraceable hole that we fell into blinded,

While we were picking them up, we decided to mix them with each other’s pain

Now we can’t seem to figure out whose piece we are trying to put back together,

Maybe we are trying to put each other together again, or looking for the pieces we left behind.

We are running away from each other only to turn around and do it all over again.

When will it be the last time, only one more time.

Closer yet farther apart, alone yet together, free but yet chained,

A perfect mix of right and wrong, choices of uncertainly fulled with indecisive thoughts.

For now, or for tomorrow, for today, but not later.

I am de-attached but completely connected.

Always and Never…

Solitude and Romance

No-More

Solitude and Romance

To be in love or to chase a dream

We must be stuck somewhere in-between

Either its you or me, how can we be free?

From this life, from our pain

Sometimes it feels like it is all just a game.

To be alone or to be together,

Whether or not

To go our separate ways

Maybe, it will all go away

And we can be happy for another day.

Solitude and romance are too opposite ends,

Is it possible to have both, do we have to pretend?

Why should we have to pick

To be in love or to chase a dream

When we can be stuck somewhere in-between.

Uncertainty

I think what bothers me most about life is the fact that nothing is ever set in stone. It bothers me, because at any given time my world as I know it could be turned upside down. I used to think that being comfortable in life was the most important thing. You know, graduate, get a job, a house, start a family, live the American dream. Right? Isn’t that what this life is about? I don’t think that is what life is about anymore. How could you ever allow yourself to become that comfortable? I don’t think you should and here’s why.

Life is all about uncertainty. Taking chances. Risking yourself. Believing in the unknown.

If you are married with kids, I’m sure you have some level of certainly and trust in your marriage and lifestyle. That would be the only natural way to be. Of course, you want to believe that everything is going to go the way you want them to. It makes it much easier to get caught up in the illusion that things are always going to be the way they are right now. But, in reality things could change any day, and life as we know it simply won’t exist anymore.

I think as humans, we must face the ultimate truth. Nothing in this world is permanent. Change will always happen for better or for worst, it is inevitable. I have decided it is time for me to be okay with change and uncertainty. I can not continue living my life in my head, based around an idea. I don’t think I should continue to be comfortable in an aspect of my life. Anything could happen at any moment, and that scares me.

I am thriving for myself to get to a point where I am okay with life. A point where if something happens, I will be fine with change. I must always expect the unexpected, instead of convincing myself my life will be a certain way and with a particular person. The truth is you never know. Especially when you are sharing your life with someone else in a relationship. You don’t have any idea what is going through their mind at any given time. Same with family, friends, or spouses.

When you go to a job interview, you don’t think about all the negative things that may happen. Like, once your hired you will be treated like crap, or that the manager will treat you differently because you are a woman. You don’t expect things to be bad, because it is normal to want to the best in any situation.

When you get into a relationship with another person, you shouldn’t think about all the bad things that may happen. You don’t consider that your heart may be broken. Once you fall in love with them, you expect things to always be that way. The truth is relationships may not always last. That is a hard pill to swallow, especially when you have invested so much of your time, feelings, and energy into a person.

When you are born into a family, you expect everyone to love you and accept you for who you are. You look at those people as the only ones that really matter. Then, one day your dad decides he doesn’t want to be apart of the family anymore. He leaves and you never see him again. You never expected this person to leave you behind, because he was your family.

Life doesn’t always work the way we want it. We don’t always get what we want. People don’t always stick around in our lives.

I’m not saying live your life and never be happy. I just think it is important to never allow yourself to get caught up in the idea that something is forever. I think everyone should always think about the worst in situations and have that in the back of their minds. With that being said, don’t always dwell on it though. That is the tough part, at least for me. I can get so caught up in thinking the worst, that I fail to be happy in the good moments. I think most people forget that things will change, because we are so happy and excited about how things are going, We fail to accept that they may not always be that way.

Life is full of up and down times. I think it is important to prepare yourself mentality by accepting that bad things are going to always happen. It may sound crazy, but at least when something unexpected happens, you have already told yourself that you are going to be okay with it. Therefore, in my opinion it is easier to deal with.

Appreciate every moment you spend with someone, because they may not always be apart of your life.

Learn the most you can from any experience and allow those things to make you a better, wiser person.

Thrive to be your own individual person, find your dream, focus on yourself, because you are the only guarantee you have in this life.

Change of Plans

Sometimes we really think we have our lives figured out and then our plans crumble right in front of our eyes. This could be looked at as tragic or as a blessing. Change is never easy but it is necessary.

My entire life I have been involved in the food industry. I took Culinary Arts in High school and stuck with it all through the years and even went to college for it. Now I have my associate’s degree. I also went to Bartending school which was some-what a waste of about 700 dollars. Fun experiences but nobody will hire me without experience from a bar somewhere. Go figure! What I am getting at is I am about to change my whole world around. I am looking for a desk job. Reason being is that I had surgery back in January on my left foot. At first, it hurt but not that bad, it was tolerable. My job threw two doubles a week at me for the past two weeks. The last few shifts have really knocked me on my ass. My foot hurts incredibly. It stays swollen and I have developed a limp. I can’t live my life like this. For example, this morning around 1ish  I went out downtown with a few co-workers and a buddy of theirs. It was a good time but irresponsible. I had a bad limp walking. It’s like as long as I am on my feet it is fine but as soon as I sit down I am screwed. Basically, I have to keep walking on it to “loosen” it up. It sucks so much and it is kinda embarrassing but I wanted to go out. Not that brightest of ideas. I forgot my ID when we were almost there. My fellow co-worker, who I barely know, says well take my car back and grab your ID. I’m thinking this isn’t a good idea at all but I don’t really have much choice. It was a stupid decision on her part and I don’t know why she would trust me with her car. I was with Luke. Yes, the immature asshole from work, the one who I have already slept with his bestfriend. He’s a red-flag. But he asked me to hang out, and since I already had plans I decided to ask him to come along. No harm done. Except he’s cute and constantly flirting around me. But I am in control and I have resisted any temptations with him. Although, I am starting to believe I am attracted to the guys I know are a bad idea. It is quite strange but I can see this pattern within myself. I suppose it is true we always want what we can not have. In this case I can not have him because he is not good for me. Blah.

Anyways, I am hoping for this desk job at my cousin’s job. It starts off at 17 an hour then goes to 15 an hour with a possible 1000 a month incentive. If I can land that job it would be perfect. 40 hours a week, Monday-Friday. If I don’t get that one, there is another one open for 12 an hour. These jobs involve collecting money from hospitals and customers over the phone. It doesn’t seem like it would be that different to learn. I am a fast learner. Also, one more option I have is at a place this guy on my facebook works at. Two positions. Customer service 16 an hour, land transportation( I think) 14.50 an hour. So I have 4 options. All amazing pay. All I can do is have hope that I will get one of them. I need something reliable and with benefits. I am getting older and I have to start planning for my future. Serving tables aren’t gonna cut it like I thought it would.

Another new change, I am 90 percent sure I am going back to college for business. Not only would it give me more options for jobs but I may still be able to pursue my goal in the future. Opening my own catering business. I love to cook but I haven’t in months, due to surgery, break-up, working, laziness, etc. But no more! Tuesday night, it’s on! I am gonna cook my favorite chicken dish. It is not going to be easy because this was my ex-boyfriend’s favorite thing I made for him and it was the last meal I made when he decided not to show up and send me a text saying it was over for good. WONDERFUL. So needless to say I am going to be emotionally challenged but I am not going to let it stop me. My mom also really loves this dish and I am going to use that as my motivation to replace the negative emotions and thoughts of my ex. She has done so much for me and helped me in ridiculous amounts. I feel it is the least I could do is make this for her. Not to mention we didn’t even have an Easter dinner. I wanted to make it tonight, but my foot is so bad. The past few days, when I got off I asked my mom to bring the crutches to the car cause I didn’t want to put anymore pressure on it. I usually get my ice pack but lately, I have been going straight to the bath. I can’t live this way…I can take physical pain pretty well but I have cried and cried because of this pain in my foot. I can’t take it anymore. I hope by cutting back my hours this week it won’t be so hard on me. Rant over. College, work, and new opportunities in my future. Single and honestly, I don’t have time for someone when I need to figure out all these things for myself! No need for disappointments. If something happens, then it happens but I am not going out of my way to find it.

Poetic Feelings

Poetic Feelings

I wouldn’t take back any of the days that we spent together.I wouldn’t wish my life any different than it is right now.

Yet I find myself thinking if only the moments we lived with one another were longer. But I can’t ponder.

I must go on each and every day and learn to leave those who walked away.

They always seem to find their own stealthy way to creep into the cracks of my mind.

Between the holes in my wall I continue to build up so high. Soon I’ll be hearing the words they used to say.

Holding back the tears I try not to cry. I must not let these thoughts consume me.

Although the pain feels like needles running through my veins. I have to remain in the here and now. But how?

There is no way to completely forget the love I gave to you. Remembering our past is becoming a difficult task.

The life we made will only continue to fade. Even as time flies by I still question why?

Decisions you made will forever be yours to own and it’s not my fault you never picked up the phone.

Maybe you’re a little too lost to understand yourself maybe I’m too far gone to care.

The reasons you left will always be yours to hold. Our future we planned will never unfold.

This is your fate that you planned. Goodbye. That date is craved on our conscious for the rest of our lives.

So every time i start missing you, it wasn’t me it was you who was through.

I gave you my all and you watched me fall. I must never regret feeling any of the emotions

I felt for you because at one time they were true.

We must live and learn. Love and forgive.