Tag Archives: single

Thank You

There are some things in life that we must go through the hard way. We have to go through hell and back over and over again, in order for us to understand what it takes to stay in heaven and truly appreciate it.

Personally, I thought that I would be able to focus on myself, my goals, and my daily lifestyle while managing a relationship with someone. Since I have been in many failed relationships, I have discovered that being single is exactly what I need to do. Right now, it is difficult, but easier than it has been in the past and I am incredibly fortunate for this opportunity. If all of those relationships and situations with men wouldn’t have failed, then I would have never found myself.

I am still discovering who I am, so if anything I want to tell all my exes who break up with me, hurt me, used me, etc. Thank you.

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Burnt Out

I am in a completely new phase that I didn’t imagine I would ever go through. I legitimately do not want to pursue a relationship with another guy right now. I don’t want to meet anyone new, go out on a date, or even fall in love. I feel as if this is the first time in my life that I am ready to go through the hardships of being alone for an long amount of time. I have always been the type of person to want to be in a relationship, due to many factors and reasons that I am still discovering today. I am discovering myself for the first time in my life.

I have realized that taking some serious time to myself is going to greatly help me get to a better mindset and a healthier emotional state. I have to listen to my spirit and protect myself by taking time to heal from the experiences I have been through. Without taking time to seriously reflect, separate myself, I don’t think I will genuinely be able to grow. Due to the circumstances with guys, I have decided to remove myself from all situations.

I deleted my Tinder.

I cut off those who won’t worth my time and who only wanted to use me.

I don’t have many conversations with guys, because I don’t want to be presented with an romantic, sexual, or any potential opportunity that could present itself.

Right now, I have to surround myself with friends and let go of all other distractions.

It’s about time I gave myself the biggest reality check of them all.

I have reached that point to where I am burnt out and want nothing more than to spend some time single.

Any desire, hope, dream, or idea of a relationship has been crushed, destroyed, or dismissed.

I am finally ready to embrace this reality and take in all the emotions that come with being 100% single.

Here’s to yet another beginning and another path on my journey in this life!

Wishful Thinking Advice

As defined, Wishful thinking is the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality. It is a product of resolving conflicts between belief and desire.

For many people, such as myself, I used to live my life based on wishful thinking. This is a very unhealthy and harmful way to live your life. With any situation, you should always “hope for the best, and expect the worst”. With my previous relationship, I spent the first 6 months expecting the worst. For example, I always thought he was going to walk out on me. (Which he did, but that’s beside the point.) I thought he was going to cheat on me, turn into some asshole, or I would find out something dark about him. All that anxiety and worry was built up in my mind every single day. When you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your life or someone in it, it really can hurt you. Only thinking positive thoughts can hurt you as well. You wouldn’t think that always looking on the bright side, or having hope could be a bad thing. It’s all about balancing the good and the bad. You have to balance your thoughts and learn how to control them. For me, this has been a very difficult process.

Within the last months of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I wasn’t even in the present moment. I was so caught up in wishful thinking that I failed to enjoy the days spent with him. In my head, I thought I was going to marry this man. No questions asked. I honestly that he was the one for me. This is not the first time I have had wishful thinking in a relationship. I also thought these same things about other guys in my past. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend was the best one I have had so far, so it only made wishful thinking that much worse. Wishful thinking is not a bad thing. Just like anything else, you can have too much of a good thing. If you strictly only think about the good outcomes, you will be much more disappointed if things do not go your way. I have learned my lesson, over and over again. You can only get your hopes up and your heart broke so many times before something finally clicks. A wake-up call. Slap in the face by reality. Of course, it is going to be a constant struggle. It is not easy at the beginning. But you have to start somewhere when managing your thoughts.

Start by living your life for the moment. In reality, all we ever have is the moment. You have the accept the fact that you have no control over what is going to happen in the future with other people. Sure, you can prepare for your own future and in a way you will determine your own future. For example, you can control your education, job, and what not. But, you can control how other people are going to treat you. It doesn’t matter how much you worry, the truth is you never really know when someone will be out of your life. Death may take them away. They may chose another path and you might lose contact with them. Whatever happens, it is beyond your control.

When it comes to “dating”, wishful thinking can be a HUGE problem. Personally, I always wanted to find ONE guy to settle down with and share my life with ONLY them. That’s not a problem to have that vision for myself, the problem was thinking it was a certain person too soon. You really have to take time to get to know someone before having those thoughts. Sure, have wishful thinking but always realize the facts and come back to reality. For example, I have been sleeping with this guy for a month or so. At first, I didn’t look into it, told myself it was going to be a one-night stand. Due to mine and his emotional state things have been dragged on longer. At one point, I thought we were going to get together. I was being naive. At the time, I was pissed off when he told me this but it actually makes a lot of sense. He told me one night when I was upset and questioning him about his confusing actions. He says, “Just because a guy is nice to a girl, takes a girl out, she can be good company but that doesn’t mean he wants to be with her.” My wishful thinking was going on and that crushed me at that moment. I was not in any emotional state to even be in a relationship especially with a guy I barely know and who has his own emotional battles going on. I always think about what he said because it is the truth. When dating someone you are getting to know them and enjoying their company. You have to give you relationship time to develop. It is scary when feelings start happening because you become more vulnerable and wishful thinking will come more frequent. It is true, I do care for Doug right now but I have accepted the facts. The truth is we are still getting to know each other and we both have a lot of emotional work to do before we could ever be in a relationship with anymore. It is difficult, especially for a woman, not to gain feelings for a man. Especially, if you are having sex with them. I have learned how to control my emotions. I tell myself every time I see Doug. It is going to be a good time. I may never hear from him again but I will enjoy my time with him instead of worrying about what I can not change.

That’s how the dating game should go. I am still learning this myself but it has really helped me from getting my feelings hurt. If you only look at things for the moment, try not to put so much hope into someone too soon, your emotions will balance themselves out. At least, this strategy has been working for me. In the past, I met a guy, enjoyed his company, and jumped into a relationship with him from the very beginning! This is the reason why I believe my past relationships have failed. It is necessary to really take some time to get to know that person before you can make that decision. I mean, you are only choosing to share your life with someone, give them your love, invest your time, and risk your heart. No big deal, right? Be smart and be honest with yourself. Do not convince yourself that you are going to end up with a certain person. Accept the fact that you may get hurt again, but remember you can get through it. Nothing is ever set in stone. It is a constant risk allowing someone in your life. It is up to you how you decide to deal with your thoughts and emotions. Facing reality and being logical seems like common sense. It is hard when you get yourself caught up in wishful thinking. Always remember that your wishful thinking is only thoughts of what you want to happen but don’t forget that they may not come true. Look at all the possibilities of your situation. Accept each and every outcome. Once you accept every outcome, you are setting yourself up for success. You may still get your hopes up, you may still get your heart broken, but at least you will be able to get through it easier because you have already accepted it. By living in the moment, I have saved myself from many disappointments and I have enjoyed my life incredibility more than when I was constantly anxious for the future or caught up in wishful thinking.

Change of Plans

Sometimes we really think we have our lives figured out and then our plans crumble right in front of our eyes. This could be looked at as tragic or as a blessing. Change is never easy but it is necessary.

My entire life I have been involved in the food industry. I took Culinary Arts in High school and stuck with it all through the years and even went to college for it. Now I have my associate’s degree. I also went to Bartending school which was some-what a waste of about 700 dollars. Fun experiences but nobody will hire me without experience from a bar somewhere. Go figure! What I am getting at is I am about to change my whole world around. I am looking for a desk job. Reason being is that I had surgery back in January on my left foot. At first, it hurt but not that bad, it was tolerable. My job threw two doubles a week at me for the past two weeks. The last few shifts have really knocked me on my ass. My foot hurts incredibly. It stays swollen and I have developed a limp. I can’t live my life like this. For example, this morning around 1ish  I went out downtown with a few co-workers and a buddy of theirs. It was a good time but irresponsible. I had a bad limp walking. It’s like as long as I am on my feet it is fine but as soon as I sit down I am screwed. Basically, I have to keep walking on it to “loosen” it up. It sucks so much and it is kinda embarrassing but I wanted to go out. Not that brightest of ideas. I forgot my ID when we were almost there. My fellow co-worker, who I barely know, says well take my car back and grab your ID. I’m thinking this isn’t a good idea at all but I don’t really have much choice. It was a stupid decision on her part and I don’t know why she would trust me with her car. I was with Luke. Yes, the immature asshole from work, the one who I have already slept with his bestfriend. He’s a red-flag. But he asked me to hang out, and since I already had plans I decided to ask him to come along. No harm done. Except he’s cute and constantly flirting around me. But I am in control and I have resisted any temptations with him. Although, I am starting to believe I am attracted to the guys I know are a bad idea. It is quite strange but I can see this pattern within myself. I suppose it is true we always want what we can not have. In this case I can not have him because he is not good for me. Blah.

Anyways, I am hoping for this desk job at my cousin’s job. It starts off at 17 an hour then goes to 15 an hour with a possible 1000 a month incentive. If I can land that job it would be perfect. 40 hours a week, Monday-Friday. If I don’t get that one, there is another one open for 12 an hour. These jobs involve collecting money from hospitals and customers over the phone. It doesn’t seem like it would be that different to learn. I am a fast learner. Also, one more option I have is at a place this guy on my facebook works at. Two positions. Customer service 16 an hour, land transportation( I think) 14.50 an hour. So I have 4 options. All amazing pay. All I can do is have hope that I will get one of them. I need something reliable and with benefits. I am getting older and I have to start planning for my future. Serving tables aren’t gonna cut it like I thought it would.

Another new change, I am 90 percent sure I am going back to college for business. Not only would it give me more options for jobs but I may still be able to pursue my goal in the future. Opening my own catering business. I love to cook but I haven’t in months, due to surgery, break-up, working, laziness, etc. But no more! Tuesday night, it’s on! I am gonna cook my favorite chicken dish. It is not going to be easy because this was my ex-boyfriend’s favorite thing I made for him and it was the last meal I made when he decided not to show up and send me a text saying it was over for good. WONDERFUL. So needless to say I am going to be emotionally challenged but I am not going to let it stop me. My mom also really loves this dish and I am going to use that as my motivation to replace the negative emotions and thoughts of my ex. She has done so much for me and helped me in ridiculous amounts. I feel it is the least I could do is make this for her. Not to mention we didn’t even have an Easter dinner. I wanted to make it tonight, but my foot is so bad. The past few days, when I got off I asked my mom to bring the crutches to the car cause I didn’t want to put anymore pressure on it. I usually get my ice pack but lately, I have been going straight to the bath. I can’t live this way…I can take physical pain pretty well but I have cried and cried because of this pain in my foot. I can’t take it anymore. I hope by cutting back my hours this week it won’t be so hard on me. Rant over. College, work, and new opportunities in my future. Single and honestly, I don’t have time for someone when I need to figure out all these things for myself! No need for disappointments. If something happens, then it happens but I am not going out of my way to find it.