Tag Archives: stress

Unemployed Feels

*Like the picture in the top of this canyon, life can be complex to look at when you don’t know what you are looking at or looking for. When you are wandering about in life with no idea what direction you want to go in. Your options can blend together, like the different colors of the minerals on the rock’s surface.*


Well, I knew this day would surely come again, but not now. I didn’t anticipate to quit my job two days ago. I just didn’t expect this change and I am not sure what direction to go in next.  I am holding on to hope that this is what is meant to be and  really trust that this is what is suppose to be happening in this moment. I have a tendency to worry and overthink every thing that happens in my life. I have to sit around and analyze it for hours and I am just not wanting to do that this time around. I have my bills paid for this month. I am entitled to taking some days to recharge, brainstorm, and take it easy. I think I deserve that much, because I have been struggling emotionally, physically, and mentally. Just feeling very worn out about half the time.  I am also single, record breaking, going on 8 months now.  But, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried dating. I can’t seem to find a guy who wants to stick around and actually create something real together. Dating is confusing and right now that is something I don’t need. A relationship is the least of my worries, because I can’t even be happy on my own some days, but when I get down it does sound nice to have that person to vent to again.

Anyway, I want to go on a quick rant about society and the workforce.

I have determined that I don’t really want to be apart of society’s corporate greed which means really trying to find a company who isn’t apart of the system. I really want to work somewhere local, authentic and for a company that shares the same moral values as me. I may make less money, but maybe that is what needs to happen right now. I am not sure if I want to continue in the food and beverage industry, like I need a break.

Society wants to make it out like a bad thing if you are not working, but sometimes people need a break, because not everybody handles stress the same. Not every body experiences the same hardships whether they are mental, physical, or emotional problems. I am fortunate to still be at home and not forced to get in debt with all the bills I don’t feel I need. I am completely okay living at home. I am guilty of allowing what other people may think about me really bother me. I assume people are going to judge me a certain way and it’s tough to ignore those thoughts at times.

Soon enough, I will certainly figure out what direction I need to take in order for me to be happy, make money, and accomplish my goals. For now, I am taking some time to clear my mind.


Server Troubles

I really enjoy my job, but the stresses can really get to me sometimes. I serve tables at this breakfast causal dining chain-restaurant. I absolutely love meeting new people, especially since about 90% of them are from out of town or from another country. I try to help them out by telling them information about the city and giving them guidebooks. It makes me feel as if I apart of their journey by doing this. I love to make people happy and if I make them laugh then that’s even better. I have a great work ethic and legitimately care about what I do and everyone I meet. My intentions are always good and selfless. I believe that working in a restaurant, you have to realize that you are in it together. Basically, if one area falls, the entire things collapses kinda deal. We are a nearly opened establish, therefore, there are still many things that need to be worked on.

For months, we have been cycling through kitchen staff. There has only been two consistent cooks that have been there since opening five months ago. I am stressed out because it seems that there is always something going wrong. Duh, nature of the food industry right?! Well, I would like to believe that there is still hope for this job being in my future. I had planned to find a different job for months now, but recently decided to stick it out awhile longer and see how things go. I have been in this mindset off and on for about half the time I have worked there.

I honestly just want the place to be more positive and inviting. There are some days when I don’t feel as if I want to even be there. I am trying to change my attitude and have better days. I wish I could say that everyone else had the same mindset. I feel as if there is too much drama and shit talking about other people going on. People don’t want to work together, they would rather work against each other and it’s nuts to me. Some of the people I work with irk my nerves due to there attitudes, yet I try not to become angry or have any negative energy towards anyone. That alone is a battle in itself.

Anyway, I could sit here and go on and on, but I would rather forget about things for the night. I wanted to write this down to express the slight irritation I have in my soul for that place right now and to convince myself to quit worrying about it, because the day there is over.

Time for some food, Netflix, and music ❤

Expectations: Letting Go

Expectation means having a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

Every single one of us struggle with our own personal expectations everyday. But, we can change that, by letting them go. Personally, this is has been very difficult for me, because at one point in my life I told myself I was going to let go of all expectations. I thought I had, but lately I have been extra moody, up and down, and feeling not myself. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me until today. I read this article on Facebook: http://www.the-open-mind.com/3-ways-youre-making-your-life-harder-than-it-has-to-be/. Everything suddenly makes more sense. I am struggling with a huge wave of disappointments. Instead of living my life in the moment and taking things as they present themselves to me, I had previously made expectations about how my life should be. For example, I had to quit my job a couple of weeks ago, because it was such a negative environment and it was causing me great stress. Now, I see that I could have been happier there if I would of let go of my expectations. I expected it to be a great place to work with fun people I could learn from. So, when I found out it wasn’t going to be that I was greatly disappointed. Another example, is my relationship with my boyfriend. This past week I have wanted to leave him, because I haven’t been happy. Now, I understand why, it is because he isn’t the person I expected him to be. Not in a bad way, but my mind was telling me it was bad that he isn’t exactly what I thought he would be. Nobody is going to be what you expected. Nobody could ever live up to someone’s standards 100% of the time. We have to learn to let go of what we think of someone and accept who they are. Keeping in the mind that people change, as we change ourselves. It is all apart of life. If you aren’t changing then you may not be growing as an individual.

The last expectation that has been weighing on my mind is my fitness journey. I expected that I would have a six pack by now, show more definition in my body, and be healthier. I didn’t think that things would be this hard, or that I would fail many many times before I would succeed. I am still trying to do better. I have to let go of how I think I should look, or feel and just be thankful for how I feel and look right now. Smile, take a deep breath, and tell myself things can only get better from this moment on. IF, I want them to. I can’t see progress if I keep looking behind me.

So, how do I let go of my expectations once and for all? I suppose the only way is to practice mindfulness. By realizing that the only thing that exists is the here and now. Things are going to happen the way the are meant to happen. Worrying about how they are going to occur isn’t going to change things. Stressing over “what if’s” and “wish I would of’s”, isn’t going to benefit you in any way.  The constant weight of disappointments can leave you feeling depressed and moody. That isn’t how life should be. We have to realize we do not have control of every situation, we only have control over how we react to a situation. We can control our own emotions and thoughts, but not the events going on around us. Letting go of the things we can not control, will ultimately change our own perspective of our life.

Now that I have found out the source of my unhappiness, I must find a way to change things within myself. I am still on my path of healing. I started this blog over a year ago, and I am not completely okay yet with my mental state. And to be honest, I probably won’t ever be 100% okay with it, because everyday there is going to be a new challenge I am going to have to face. Another anxiety to work on, or even something from my past I am going to have to let go of. The journey is an on-going process for me, that is something that I shouldn’t ignore. I won’t stop trying to get better and from this point on I will try my hardest not to have any expectations in my life. I will accept the way things are and let go of how I think they should be.

Happiness Over Everything

There comes a point in your life where you have to decide what is most important to you. I choose happiness over everything.

For the past seven months, I was working in the kitchen as a pantry chef at this well-known restaurant. The pay was great, the environment was okay sometimes, and I could do whatever I wanted. Such as come in late, eat anything there, joke around with employees, make new menu items. It was great for like the first two or three months. Then, it seemed like it was one thing after another that was causing me stress. I decided last Saturday, that I had no other choice, but to quit. It seemed like the best ultimate decision for my personal happiness.

The environment was mainly always negative, people’s attitude’s were bitter and unhelpful. Slowly, I started to dread going to work. I would walk into work in the best mood and leave feeling drained and stressed out. I finally decided that it was enough. I had previously wanted to put in my two-week notice, but the owner talked me out of it. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you, and not worry about what affect your actions may have on others. I am so empathetic and I truly care about other people. I know by leaving, that it is going to make things harder on everyone else. That has been bothering me ever since I sent the message. I need to come to terms with things right now, and let the whole situation go.

1) Happiness over everything.

2) I have to do what is best for me.

3) The cons outweigh the pros.

4) I was wasting my potential there.

5) The owner didn’t seem to appreciate me or my extra efforts.

6) I have another job on the weekends, that alone will allow me to pay my rent.

I feel like being in a bad, abusive job environment has the same feelings as being in an unhealthy relationship with someone. It’s like you always want to leave, but you stay thinking things will get better. People may change. It is only bad today, it will be better tomorrow type of attitude. The truth is, if you are unhappy with someone, or something, change it. End of story. There is no waiting around, things can get better, but the odds are not in your favor. Always have a back-up plan. That is why I picked up a second job, because I knew I was on the edge of quitting this one. In the end, your happiness is more important than any paycheck, yet money will make your life better in some aspects. It is quite the dilemma when you are thinking about quitting a job that makes good money. Just like relationships, there are plenty of other people in the world, and there are plenty of jobs to go around. Raise your standards and be happy with everything you do in life.

Now, that my advice is out of the way. I feel much more relaxed about the situation. Now, I can focus more on my personal journey. Last year, I was realizing what I needed to do to change my life. This year is about applying it to my life.

Live In The Now

You really have to live your life day by day. You have to deal with things as they present themselves in your life.

The Past:

You may find yourself dwelling over situations that have happened to you in the past. You may find yourself feeling regretful over mistakes that you have made. You may find yourself wishing things would have happened differently. I can assure you that thinking in the past is a very harmful way to live your life. You must forgive yourself for any mistakes or wrong doings you have committed. You must also, forgive those who have harmed you or hurt you in any way. If you continue to think about these things all the time, you will not live a happy, positive lifestyle. You need to analyze your past, figure out what is really bothering you and come to terms with it. Do not procrastinate. Do this right now, because every minute you spent feeling guilty, ashamed, sad or regretful, is a minute in the present you could be spending happy. Dig down deep. Think back to your childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. Sort though all your experiences. Take each situation one at a time. Examine the situation and break it apart. Write down your emotions and ask yourself why you feel that way. Once you have your answers you can see things for how they really are. For example, for about 2 weeks I was feeling stuck in my past. I was regretful for sleeping with a random guy. I had to finally tell myself, “No more, it is time to get over it.” You can not beat yourself up for a past mistake. You must understand why it happened, learn from the situation, and move on. If there were events in your past that make you unhappy, you have to leave them there. It is okay to remember these times, but do not allow yourself to become consumed in your thoughts.

The Future:

Many people find themselves always thinking about the future and how it will play out. I can promise you if you allow yourself to get captivated in these thoughts, you will develop unnecessary anxiety. It is fine to think about your future, because you every day actions will influence your future. But, if you catch yourself being obsessive when it comes to future events, you may need to take a step back. For example, if you have an upcoming date Friday evening and it is only Tuesday. Do not let this event bother you in any way. Worry about that time when the day comes. Do not stress about what could happen, what if’s, or doubts. In all reality, what will happen is going to happen no matter how much you worry about it. You are going to cause yourself much grief and stress by worrying about future events that you have no direct control over. Concentrate on what you have immediately control over and what is required to happen first such as paying a bill tomorrow.

Therefore, do not waste your life living in the past or the future. Keep yourself thoughts in the present. Live your life for today. Live in the moment. Enjoy things as they come to you. You life will greatly improve if you are thinking in the present moment. You do not want to get caught up in the past or future because then you lose that “here and now” experience. Take things day by day. Stay positive and keep a smile on your face because you are alive!

Wishful Thinking (Edited)

An edited version of my blog post about wishful thinking. I hope each and every one of you can take something from this. Please give me your opinons if you take the time to read. Thank you guys 🙂 



As defined, Wishful thinking is the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality. It is a product of resolving conflicts between belief and desire.


Wishful thinking can conquer your happiness, cause you to become depressed, and even cause anxiety. It is a very unhealthy and harmful way to live your life based strictly on “wishful thinking”. With any situation, you should always “hope for the best, and expect the worst”. When you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your life or someone in it, it really can hurt you. Only thinking positive thoughts can hurt you as well. You wouldn’t think that always looking on the bright side, or having hope could be a bad thing. It’s all about balancing the good and the bad. You have to balance your thoughts and learn how to control them. Wishful thinking is not a bad thing. Just like anything else, you can have too much of a good thing. If you strictly think about the good outcomes, you will be much more disappointed if things do not go your way. You can only get your hopes up and your heart broke so many times before something finally clicks. A wake-up call. A slap in the face by reality. It isn’t going to be easy in the beginning, it is going to take time to learn how to manage your thoughts so be prepared for the struggle.


Start by living your life for the moment. In reality, all we ever have is the moment. You have the accept the fact that you have no control over what is going to happen in the future with other people. Sure, you can prepare for your own future and in a way you will determine your own future. For example, you can control your education, job, and who you choose to associate yourself with. But, you can not control how other people are going to treat you. It doesn’t matter how much you worry, the truth is you never know when someone will be out of your life. Unfornately, death may take them away from your life or they may simply chose another path causing you to lose contact with them. Whatever happens, it is ultimately beyond your control when it comes to other people actions, thoughts, and emotions.


When it comes to “dating”, wishful thinking can be a HUGE problem. You really have to take time to get to know someone before having thoughts of being with a certain individual. Wishful thinking is completely fine when you like someone, but always look at the situation with a realistic view point instead of judging things based on your emotions. When dating someone, you are getting to know them and enjoying their company. You have to give you relationship time to develop. It can be scary when feelings start to develop for another person because you become more vulnerable, and wishful thinking happens more frequently. You are only choosing to share your life with someone: Give them your love, invest your time, and risk your heart. No big deal, right? Be smart and be honest with yourself. It is necessary to really take some time to get to know who that person is before you can make that decision. Be sure to look at things for the moment, and try not to put too much hope into someone when you first meet them. You shouldn’t allow yourself to get caught up in the “idea” of being with that person. Do not convince yourself that you are going to end up being with this person for the rest of your life. You must accept the fact that you may get hurt again, because nothing is ever set in stone.


This type of thinking doesn’t just go for “dating’ but any relationship that you develop with another person. Whether it be friends, or roommates, it going to be a constant risk allowing someone in your life. It is up to you how you decide to deal with your thoughts and emotions. Facing reality and being logical seems like common sense, yet it can be hard if you allow yourself to get caught up in wishful thinking. You must always remember that wishful thinking is strictly based on thoughts of what YOU want to happen with a certain person or situation. Do not forget that those thoughts may not ever come true. Be sure to always look at all the possibilities of the situation in order to accept each and every outcome. Once you accept every outcome, you are setting yourself up for success. You may still get your hopes up. You may still get your heart broken. You may even lose your bestfriend, but at least you will be able to get through it easier because you have already accepted the outcome was a possibility from the very beginning.

Inevitable Mountains of Life

Good morning! I have been feeling much better since I put myself on a correct sleep schedule and I feel refreshed and energized when I wake up. It’s a wonderful thing people. I used to stay up all hours of the night and go to sleep around noon, and sleep the entire day. I was starting to feel like a vampire. Anyways, I want to talk about my life and this metaphor that’s been brewing in my head all morning, I will not claim this idea to be my own because I have been filling my head with positive quotes, videos, and articles everyday but this is what I think.

Life is like climbing a mountain.

Can't fall if you don't climb.

The Bottom:

We start at the bottom, look up and think about the climb to the top. It seems like an impossible journey because our desired outcome is so far at the top, sometimes we may not even be able to see it clearly. Some people may simply decide it is too hard to take the climb, therefore they remain at the bottom of the mountain. Others may be doubtful, some may welcome the struggle. There may come a point in someone’s life where they have been stuck at the bottom for too long and then they will start the climb eventually. While with other people, they may be ready to start the journey right away. The sooner you start the climb, the quicker you can work your way towards the top. What I mean by this is everyday we are faced with struggles, problems, and difficulties. If we choose to ignore these things or pretend they don’t exist we remain at the bottom of our mountain. Nothing in life is going to be a straight-narrow road, we are going to always be faced with a mountain to climb, its inevitable. Take some time to let that sink in. The choice is yours, do you stay stuck at the bottom or do you start climbing up?

The Climb:

Once we start the climb it is going to be a challenge every step of the way. We may slip and fall a few feet one day or the next maybe we fall all the way back to the bottom. Either way, we must not stay at the bottom, we can not give up. We must prevail and be determined we are going to make the climb up our mountain. For example, let’s say you just bought a new car and everything’s going smooth and then you get in a wreck and your brand new car is totaled. You think about all the hard work and money spent and now it is wasted, gone in a blink of an eye. This is tragic, but things like this happen to us all the time. It is up to you to take the bad experiences and move forward instead of staying stuck in the same place which would certainly get you no where fast. Sometimes we may venture half-way up the mountain and come upon a ledge that seems impossible to get to. This is when you must take a risk and reach for this ledge with all your might. Sometimes you will slip and fall down a bit, while other times you may climb onto a ledge without a problem. Either way, you must go for it and understand that even if you can’t reach it right now that doesn’t mean you should give up. Also, there are some ledges on our mountain which can not be climbed or reached. For example, if you are in a relationship and you two break up, obviously you are going to want that person back if you truly care for them. But sometimes we have to let people go and turn the other way. That’s what I mean when I say there are some ledges that can’t be climbed and if this happens, then fine. There are other ways to go and more ledges waiting for you to climb. It is all about how you look at things. Each one of these “ledges” is an opportunity and let’s face it not all opportunities in our lives work out in our favor but we must not dwell on that. Keep pushing forward and find a ledge you want to conquer because eventually you will find the way to the top.

The Top:

In a sense we do make it to the top of the mountain but all at the same time we will never stay there permanently. We must understand that being on top means that you have accomplished your goal, overcame your struggle, problem, or difficulty. Life is about climbing mountains. We will always have something we need to take control of and deal with in our lives. Life is about taking risks, falling down, but always getting back up. Do not get discouraged because you have climbed one mountain and now you are faced with yet another situation. That is life and it is about these inevitable mountains. We must always conquer them, end up on top and learn from our journey. Every mountain holds it’s own story, with it’s own opportunities to take and once you make it up, remember that these opportunities are experiences. If you slip and fall down, remember why that happened. If you came upon a ledge you couldn’t climb, understand why. Learn from your mistakes and never forget that you can make it to the top of every mountain you are faced with in life. No matter how high it may seem at the time, we are all capable of climbing to the top.

Stop standing there, looking up and being doubtful. Have no fears, get your positive mindset on and give it your all! Start your climb right now and before you know it you will be on top, looking down at everything you left behind. The view looking down from the top will always be better than the view looking up from the bottom.