Tag Archives: travel

Current Thoughts: Blog Origins, Self-Discovery, Writing

Sometimes, I ask myself why am I living my life this way? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go back to college, get a normal job, and just settle into society’s standards. That’s self-doubt and it sucks. It is something I am sure we are all struggling with among many other emotions. That’s why I started this blog, because I wanted to understand my emotions and ultimately conquer them completely. In 2014, I was at the lowest point I have ever been due to foot surgery and break-up ending all at once. I had invested an incredible amount of time and energy into a relationship based upon this fantasy in my head and also I felt like my college degree was useless, because I feared the worst. In less than 4 months, my entire life was turned upside down. I also had an heated discussion with my dad, more like me telling him exactly how I felt, but the anger and hurt came out, so needless to say, we haven’t talked since. Also, my best-friend at the time quit talking to me all together. I think it was like a 10 year friendship, suddenly gone. I was spiraling down.

(The first month I was taking my pain medication mainly, because I was depressed and numbing out was the solution. I wasn’t overtaking my medication, but I made sure not to miss one dose. I know I have an addictive personality and I had to remember that when I thought about getting more of these to take after I took the last pill. Thankfully, I never actually took anymore, but I know not everyone else is not in the same boat. I live in a neighborhood where many people are addicted to them and I don’t want to go down that path. I have seen where it leads. So, I decided to deal with the pain through writing, because that’s all I felt I had left. Whoa, the emotions coming up as I reflect upon that dark time in my past.

Now, I’m wondering if this blog is too personal? Or am I just being vulnerable? Either way, I feel like the only way that we can truly learn from one another is to open up about some of our deepest struggles.

Alcohol soon became a new friend to me over the years 2014-2016. I went through a 3 month straight downward spiral, I would drink about 3-4 beers almost every night. One day, I realized that I was going down the wrong path yet again with alcohol. Honestly, I have always made regretful decisions when I drank too much. So, the next day I quit. Then, last year 2016, alcohol took it’s grip on me again. I was drinking regularly but not always getting drunk. Then, one night I decided to drive when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to stay with the person I was drinking with due to personal reasons. Anyway, long story short, I was arrested and was in the booking/holding areas for like five hours. It felt like the longest night I ever lived. I was completely dehydrated, just worked a double, tired, starving, and emotional. Then, I had to face my parents who had been waiting hours for me to be released. I don’t want to talk too much about what happened, because

I am still on probation. More to come 7/7/17.

777, I wonder if that has some significant meaning. I will have to research that later.

Anyways, this blog become a place for me to escape and get real with myself through sharing my experiences with the world. I have made many of my past blogs private due to the amount of personal information shared. At the time, I was writing under this blog anonymously. In recent years, I have wanted to share some of my writings with my family, friends, and people I meet. I wanted to write about the early struggles that brought me to writing and share why I think it is important to write down what you are thinking, feelings, and what you want out of life. This is where things may get a little inspirational for you. Each person interprets information, images, words, etc with their own perspectives which act as filters to create their own meaning of what they experience. Whether it’s music, art, writing, and other creative personal journeys we are all experiencing something that we have imagined in our minds. I have thinking a lot about different theories and perspectives about life and manifestation the life you want by setting intentions, being mindful, being creative, and and practicing gratitude.

I suppose that by writing about my struggles allows me to understand them more, share the experience with others, and truly heal from past experiences. This entire blog lead me to a path of self-discovery. That is why I feel so attached to it and want to continue to envision things for this blog in the future. I want to help others heal from their wounds by understanding their emotions and ways towards living a more positive, healthy lifestyle based on their personal goals and dreams. I feel strongly that I may be able to do that with this blog.

One of my biggest realizations is that I desire to travel. I decided that I am going on a road-trip next year. Hopefully for three months. I am extremely nervous, but I am ready to make this a reality. The feeling I get when I think about discovering new places in nature and being disconnected from the city is unlike anything I can really describe. The power of wanderlust is so deeply integrated within me. I have been experiencing very vivid day-dreams and even dreaming at night about beautiful nature landscapes and the open road. This dream is alive. And that’s something that I want people to think about.

If this is my dream, what is yours? Imagine if we all starting dreaming up a new way of life? A new way of living. A new society. I get so pumped up thinking about the future and all of the positive changes that are already taking places in all the different communities. We are uniting and deciding that in order to see change is the be the change and that is another part of my life mission. Being the change is something that inspires me daily to do what I do. I have many ideas on ways I want to bring inspiration and positivity into people’s lives.

Anyway’s this is my first blog I have written in awhile. Thank you for supporting me on my journey during this life. In a way this is simply an online diary. And a travel blog in the future. Feel free to comment with your journey.

 

Overloaded with Life! :D

For the past couple of months, I have been overloaded with tons of thoughts, ideas, and emotions. I am torn between many different paths in my life at the moment. I am trying to accomplish all of my goals. It is very tough to balance all of my interests and what I would like to do at any given time. I have huge goals involving writing, reading, cooking, fitness, travel, and obtaining new interests all the time. I want to start making jewelry, homemade soaps/lotions/etc, maybe even do some candles, oatmeal mixes (other fitness related foods I could sell). I would love to become self-sufficient and not need to actually work all the time. My creativity is through the roof and it is hard to focus on one thing. I am trying to sort through all of these things and still live my life in “society”.  Yet, where I am happiest and free is in nature. What a struggle, especially living in Nashville, TN which is growing by the minute, literally!

I am also diving into spirituality pretty hard and constantly learning new perspectives about the universe and myself. I am healing my emotional pain from the past, while growing stronger everyday and creating new relationships. So, yeah between social situations, alone time, work, and doing the basics. I find myself struggling to find the time to get everything done that I would like. Trust me, this blog isn’t me complaining, just venting this out, so I can discover which path to focus on at the moment. I figured I would write a little bit about it and see where my mind goes. Tons of blog posts are in progress either mentally, or in drafts on this site.

I strongly want to see this blog turn into something amazing and profitable one day. I know that if I put my concentration into the right sources, all of my goals and dreams stand a chance to come to life.

Whoa, I feel exhausted, but at the same time fully alive. I mean, what more could I ask for? I am never bored, without something to do, or someone to talk to. My life is grand actually, but I have to start focusing on ONE thing at a time, instead of allowing all of this to swirl around in my mind, resulting in me freezing up and doing nothing but staring into blank space…

This is a picture of how I feel. My hand open for whatever the universe decides to throw at me!

“In the midst of my chaos, I found an ounce of clarity!”

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Why Not Just Move?

For years and years I have contemplated the idea of traveling around the world. For the longest time, I thought that it simply wasn’t realistic. Negative thinking was hard at play, my thoughts were telling me that I would never make enough money to be able to afford it, that place is too far away, etc. My fear to be alone stood in the way for the longest portion of my life. I didn’t want to leave the house alone and now I am considering traveling solo. I have sure come a long way from where I started out when I first thought about traveling. I did a culinary project on Northwestern cuisine and by doing so, I was exposed to Washington and Oregon. I came across scenic photographs of the Oregon forests, waterfalls, coast, and mountains while researching the cuisine. This was nearly four years ago! I told myself I would take a trip there eventually, but I soon became distracted by other goals and wishes. I forgot all about my Northwest dream, until the past couple of months. I kept saying, and saying I was going to take a huge trip to the Northwest next year. So, today I decided to start researching what I would do there. Everything was popping out to me. Rose gardens, waterfalls, coffee shops, restaurants. I started typing up everything I was discovering, when suddenly I realized something! How am I going to be able to do everything I want to do just by visiting for a couple of weeks? I thought about this for a bit, and kept browsing more and more websites. I began thinking to myself, there is nearly 6 coffee shops I want to go to, how the hell would I ever fit that in? I need to just live there, but I am not there. Hmmm. The trip is going to take at least 4-5 days just for the travel to get there and to get back home. So, I thought about it some more. Why not just move there? Seriously. Then, it clicked. This is what I have to do. I won’t be satisfied until it happens. That would be my ULTIMATE adventure. Moving somewhere brand new. Starting out fresh.

I already have 1500 dollars saved up for this trip, so I’m going to start putting back everything I make for this decision. At this point, I have no idea where my life is going and this may be what I need to get my life going in the direction I want it to go. I may not live there for the rest of my life, but temporarily is possible. New goal, move there by the time I am 25. I have no choice but to do this. This is the time for me to make things happen. Time to bust my ass and get that money!

Hiking Therapy

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Upon waking up today, I randomly decided it was time for me to go exploring. I didn’t waste any time, nor did I wait around for someone to reply to my post on Facebook I made about going to Fall Creek Falls. Monday, I went to Cummin’s Falls and spent pretty much the entire day out there, but since I had today and tomorrow off, I wanted to plan a two-day trip. Instantly, Fall Creek Falls popped into my mind and I was rushing to get everything packed, hotel booked, clothes washed, gas in the car, and snacks in my basket at the grocery store. After about three hours of driving down the highway, taking a quick bathroom break, and waving left and right down the curvy roads to get the park, I arrived at Fall Creek Falls with an attitude filled with determination and craving adventure. I couldn’t check into my hotel until 4pm, so I had plenty of time to kill. After detouring down the scenic drive (peeing on the side of the road, it’s only natural :D) and finally remembering where it was I had been looking for I arrived at the overlook of the Fall Creek Falls waterfall.

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As soon as I looked down at the waterfall, excitement built up inside of me. This was the trip I have been waiting years for. I had to get down there as quickly as I possible. I asked some random guy which way the trail was to get down there, he pointed me in the right direction, and I was on my way.

As I was preceding to the trail, an old man gave me his walking stick saying that I may need it farther down. I took it from him, thanked him and headed down the path.

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It didn’t seem to be as challenging as I remembered, not sure if that is because I have hiked it before, or because I have been working out a lot lately. Either way, I made it down without being out of breath. Once I was down there, I wasn’t completely satisfied. It was almost like it wasn’t challenging enough. But, I was in awe of how beautiful the waterfall was and how the mist looked around the rocks. I couldn’t look away and I continued to venture closer and closer to the waterfall. It may not have been the biggest waterfall I have ever seen, but it was still just as beautiful. Nature is truly inspiring to me. 50 selfies later, I decided that it was time to hike back up. I stopped some guy and asked him to take a photo of me by the waterfall.

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I continued hiking back, anticipating where I was going to go next. Thoughts of inspiration were racing through my mind the entire time. I wandered onto the trail that lead to the nature center. I chose to take the longer of the two paths in order to get there. I figured it would be more of a challenge. There were several overlooks on my way to the nature center. I knew in my mind I couldn’t wait to get to the cascades though. I have had that place stuck in my mind for years now, because last time I was here I couldn’t go down that way. The overlook to Cane Creek Falls was absolutely stunning. I probably stood there for a good ten minutes or so. I didn’t want to leave this view.

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Once I was back on track, it didn’t take long before I reached the nature center. It was pretty basic in there. Ya know, souvenirs, information about the park, history of the park on the walls, and an middle-aged woman who was clearly ready to leave, because I walked in at closing time. I didn’t spend much time in there. I grabbed a couple of books and a park map and was on my way out the door. Ahh, the cascades. I pretty much ran down the trail, only to come upon a swinging bridge. OH. It wasn’t that bad. At least, I was able to get an inspirational picture from it and it was a bit terrifying to cross, but isn’t that what life is about? Being able to get over things that seem scary at the time?

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The journey to get to the cascades was definitely worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat! I literally stayed there the longest of all the scenes I traveled to today. I felt so at peace and at one with nature. I wanted to get into the water and swim, but it was too cold unfortunately. I was kinda bummed out about that, but didn’t let it get me down. I was just thankful to be able to finally be there. My dreams are finally becoming reality and nothing feels better than that.

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It was quite amusing when this man and his young son came around the corner only to discover me in a swimsuit, posing for my camera that was propped up against the rocks. He kinda just pulled his son’s arm and turned around. I felt a little awkward, but shook it off. I did put my clothes back on soon after that though. Ah, I felt content in that moment. More content than I had felt in a very long time. I wanted to come back to this place for so long. I think to prove to myself that I could do it alone and also to redeem the last time I was here when I was 18 with an ex-bf. He didn’t want to go to the cascades, so I didn’t go. I felt like I had cheated myself from an experience ever since then. It feels amazing to be able to say I made it and I did something I enjoyed for me.

I observed many squirrels, some deer, and a lot of grand-daddy long-legged spiders. I think that is the name of them. Nature is such a beautifully crafted mystery that happens all by chance. I feel honored to be able to walk in the paths carved out by it’s creator. I feel spirituality at one with everything in the world by being in this place. I finished the night off by going back to the hotel room, taking a shower, eating a buffet that surely had the world’s worst fish and chicken, yet the soup was good. It’s all about finding the good things in everything you do in life. Plus, enjoying a craft brewed beer doesn’t hurt any either. Ugh, artificially flavored cherry cobbler wasn’t the best choice either.

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I went to the small gift shop at the hotel, didn’t find anything that interested me so I decided to head over to the general store. Once I arrived, it seemed a bit too dark, and I discovered online that it had closed at 6. I questioned myself for not looking it up before, but what happened next was the highlight of this whole trip I think.

I drove past the lake and decided to stop really quick and look up at the stars. It had completely slipped my mind that I could actually see them. It was pitch black outside, like as soon as I turned off my phone’s flashlight, it felt like everything melted together. The sky, the earth and me. Darkness. When, I looked up. I literally couldn’t breath for a moment. The sight of all those stars in the sky was mesmerizing. I stand in the darkness in total awe. I don’t think I had ever witnessed so many stars in my life. It made me realize how small I truly am. How small we all are in this world. Which made my gratitude grow even greater.

I feel transformed. Overwhelmed by how I am changing. Changing into someone new. The fact that I drove 2-3 hours away, all alone is a huge accomplishment for me. I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store by myself a year ago. I have started to grow into my own individuality and to feel alone is astonishingly comfortable. There isn’t any words to express how free I feel. I feel like I have finally found peace within myself. The exact thing I set out to do almost two years ago. I wish I could live in this moment forever, but I can’t so I am going to continue to embrace all of these “new” feelings as I lay down. Not afraid. Not really feeling lonely.

Tomorrow is a fresh new journey. I am going to do some more hiking and exploring. I can’t imagine what I will find out about myself next. This is what it feels like to be living your dreams and it feels unlike anything I have ever felt before.

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Like the bright blue sky above me, be open and free. Be limitless without any boundaries. Accept everything that flies into your sky, because it is all apart of you. Welcome all emotions and feelings into your life; the good, the bad, the unwanted, and the anticipated. It is all happening for a reason. Live a life of gratitude.

Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from doing what you want to do in this life. The truth is some people aren’t going to understand. Do it anyway. Sometimes, the best things in life are experienced in solitude. Dare to be different and don’t hesitate to go down the road less traveled. Be fearless and watch your dreams come true.

Dreaming of Wanderlust

Augustine

“Two years he walks the Earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ’cause “the West is the best.” And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual revolution. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the great white north. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.”- Chris Mccandless, Into the Wild

Into the Wild is one my favorite stories of all time. It as inspired my thinking about traveling and seeing the world so much. Because of his story, it has encouraged me to see what’s out there and to have the time of my life. My heart is always going to go out to him because he did what his heart desired, although he made a tragic mistake in the end. It truly breaks my heart that he didn’t survive his adventure in Alaska, I wish so bad that he could have lived. It is crazy, how much I wish he could have made it! Seriously, one of the most touching books I have ever read and the movie really does speak to my soul. Highly recommend watching and reading that book, you guys. I will be quoting many more things from it within my blog.

“Nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

― Jon KrakauerInto the Wild

I feel this pull, this urge, this desire constantly pulling at me each and everyday. When I sleep at night, my dreams are filled with being on the road, traveling to new places, meeting new people, basically living a better life. It is actually getting ridiculous, yet I look forward to sleep for this reason. I dream of being on the move, wandering around without a destination.
Wanderlust is defined as:
-a strong desire to travel.
-strong longing for or impulse toward wandering
-very strong or irresistible impulse to travel
In reality, my desire is to the travel the world and leave society behind me along with all the man-made things I don’t really need. I mean of course, I would bring along a telephone, camera, laptop, journal and especially money and a car but that is ONLY because these things are necessary to document my journey and help me survive. I would love to be able to not need money but it is inevitable. I guess in a way man-made things would benefit me but I don’t need an excess of clothes, jewelry, shoes, or other random things. If I could have a life on the road, it would be my dream come true. If I could travel from continent to continent and never be in the same place too long it would be wonderful. It could be heaven on Earth to take  adventures to places I never even knew existed, to visit islands surrounded by the beautiful ocean, to live in a new paradise everyday for the rest of my life.

“The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” -Christopher McCandless

When I think about taking this imaginary journey, it warms my heart, and lights my soul on fire. It really gets me going and wanting to see what is out there. I need to be out in nature, I need to walk in the forests, climb mountains, swim in the oceans, hike trails to see waterfalls. I desire to be a nomad of this land but I understand that is it only but a dream. I need money first for supplies, food, gas, gear, etc. I would have to build strength, endurance, and speed in order to conquer the world’s unseen mysteries. I would have to gain knowledge of the land, animals, and plants. I would have to learn about geography, climate, and the weather of everywhere I planned to go. I would need a companion, a partner, a friend, hopefully even a lover to accompany me in this dream of mine. “Happiness is only real when shared.” -Christopher McCandless
“And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head. “-Mccandlees
I am so passionate about this idea of traveling that I think the only thing that would make sense would be to go for it in the smartest way possible. I have decided I am going to get a job once I am able, save all my money and then take a trip somewhere and give in to this desire. It has been like 5 years, I have had this topic just weighing on my mind but things have been holding me back. For instance, I met someone, fell in love and planned a life with them instead. In reality, this is my purpose, this is the ONLY thing that is going to satisfy me and this is my key to true happiness.