Tag Archives: work

Unemployed Feels

*Like the picture in the top of this canyon, life can be complex to look at when you don’t know what you are looking at or looking for. When you are wandering about in life with no idea what direction you want to go in. Your options can blend together, like the different colors of the minerals on the rock’s surface.*

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Well, I knew this day would surely come again, but not now. I didn’t anticipate to quit my job two days ago. I just didn’t expect this change and I am not sure what direction to go in next.  I am holding on to hope that this is what is meant to be and  really trust that this is what is suppose to be happening in this moment. I have a tendency to worry and overthink every thing that happens in my life. I have to sit around and analyze it for hours and I am just not wanting to do that this time around. I have my bills paid for this month. I am entitled to taking some days to recharge, brainstorm, and take it easy. I think I deserve that much, because I have been struggling emotionally, physically, and mentally. Just feeling very worn out about half the time.  I am also single, record breaking, going on 8 months now.  But, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried dating. I can’t seem to find a guy who wants to stick around and actually create something real together. Dating is confusing and right now that is something I don’t need. A relationship is the least of my worries, because I can’t even be happy on my own some days, but when I get down it does sound nice to have that person to vent to again.

Anyway, I want to go on a quick rant about society and the workforce.

I have determined that I don’t really want to be apart of society’s corporate greed which means really trying to find a company who isn’t apart of the system. I really want to work somewhere local, authentic and for a company that shares the same moral values as me. I may make less money, but maybe that is what needs to happen right now. I am not sure if I want to continue in the food and beverage industry, like I need a break.

Society wants to make it out like a bad thing if you are not working, but sometimes people need a break, because not everybody handles stress the same. Not every body experiences the same hardships whether they are mental, physical, or emotional problems. I am fortunate to still be at home and not forced to get in debt with all the bills I don’t feel I need. I am completely okay living at home. I am guilty of allowing what other people may think about me really bother me. I assume people are going to judge me a certain way and it’s tough to ignore those thoughts at times.

Soon enough, I will certainly figure out what direction I need to take in order for me to be happy, make money, and accomplish my goals. For now, I am taking some time to clear my mind.

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Overloaded with Life! :D

For the past couple of months, I have been overloaded with tons of thoughts, ideas, and emotions. I am torn between many different paths in my life at the moment. I am trying to accomplish all of my goals. It is very tough to balance all of my interests and what I would like to do at any given time. I have huge goals involving writing, reading, cooking, fitness, travel, and obtaining new interests all the time. I want to start making jewelry, homemade soaps/lotions/etc, maybe even do some candles, oatmeal mixes (other fitness related foods I could sell). I would love to become self-sufficient and not need to actually work all the time. My creativity is through the roof and it is hard to focus on one thing. I am trying to sort through all of these things and still live my life in “society”.  Yet, where I am happiest and free is in nature. What a struggle, especially living in Nashville, TN which is growing by the minute, literally!

I am also diving into spirituality pretty hard and constantly learning new perspectives about the universe and myself. I am healing my emotional pain from the past, while growing stronger everyday and creating new relationships. So, yeah between social situations, alone time, work, and doing the basics. I find myself struggling to find the time to get everything done that I would like. Trust me, this blog isn’t me complaining, just venting this out, so I can discover which path to focus on at the moment. I figured I would write a little bit about it and see where my mind goes. Tons of blog posts are in progress either mentally, or in drafts on this site.

I strongly want to see this blog turn into something amazing and profitable one day. I know that if I put my concentration into the right sources, all of my goals and dreams stand a chance to come to life.

Whoa, I feel exhausted, but at the same time fully alive. I mean, what more could I ask for? I am never bored, without something to do, or someone to talk to. My life is grand actually, but I have to start focusing on ONE thing at a time, instead of allowing all of this to swirl around in my mind, resulting in me freezing up and doing nothing but staring into blank space…

This is a picture of how I feel. My hand open for whatever the universe decides to throw at me!

“In the midst of my chaos, I found an ounce of clarity!”

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Server Troubles

I really enjoy my job, but the stresses can really get to me sometimes. I serve tables at this breakfast causal dining chain-restaurant. I absolutely love meeting new people, especially since about 90% of them are from out of town or from another country. I try to help them out by telling them information about the city and giving them guidebooks. It makes me feel as if I apart of their journey by doing this. I love to make people happy and if I make them laugh then that’s even better. I have a great work ethic and legitimately care about what I do and everyone I meet. My intentions are always good and selfless. I believe that working in a restaurant, you have to realize that you are in it together. Basically, if one area falls, the entire things collapses kinda deal. We are a nearly opened establish, therefore, there are still many things that need to be worked on.

For months, we have been cycling through kitchen staff. There has only been two consistent cooks that have been there since opening five months ago. I am stressed out because it seems that there is always something going wrong. Duh, nature of the food industry right?! Well, I would like to believe that there is still hope for this job being in my future. I had planned to find a different job for months now, but recently decided to stick it out awhile longer and see how things go. I have been in this mindset off and on for about half the time I have worked there.

I honestly just want the place to be more positive and inviting. There are some days when I don’t feel as if I want to even be there. I am trying to change my attitude and have better days. I wish I could say that everyone else had the same mindset. I feel as if there is too much drama and shit talking about other people going on. People don’t want to work together, they would rather work against each other and it’s nuts to me. Some of the people I work with irk my nerves due to there attitudes, yet I try not to become angry or have any negative energy towards anyone. That alone is a battle in itself.

Anyway, I could sit here and go on and on, but I would rather forget about things for the night. I wanted to write this down to express the slight irritation I have in my soul for that place right now and to convince myself to quit worrying about it, because the day there is over.

Time for some food, Netflix, and music ❤

Happiness Over Everything

There comes a point in your life where you have to decide what is most important to you. I choose happiness over everything.

For the past seven months, I was working in the kitchen as a pantry chef at this well-known restaurant. The pay was great, the environment was okay sometimes, and I could do whatever I wanted. Such as come in late, eat anything there, joke around with employees, make new menu items. It was great for like the first two or three months. Then, it seemed like it was one thing after another that was causing me stress. I decided last Saturday, that I had no other choice, but to quit. It seemed like the best ultimate decision for my personal happiness.

The environment was mainly always negative, people’s attitude’s were bitter and unhelpful. Slowly, I started to dread going to work. I would walk into work in the best mood and leave feeling drained and stressed out. I finally decided that it was enough. I had previously wanted to put in my two-week notice, but the owner talked me out of it. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you, and not worry about what affect your actions may have on others. I am so empathetic and I truly care about other people. I know by leaving, that it is going to make things harder on everyone else. That has been bothering me ever since I sent the message. I need to come to terms with things right now, and let the whole situation go.

1) Happiness over everything.

2) I have to do what is best for me.

3) The cons outweigh the pros.

4) I was wasting my potential there.

5) The owner didn’t seem to appreciate me or my extra efforts.

6) I have another job on the weekends, that alone will allow me to pay my rent.

I feel like being in a bad, abusive job environment has the same feelings as being in an unhealthy relationship with someone. It’s like you always want to leave, but you stay thinking things will get better. People may change. It is only bad today, it will be better tomorrow type of attitude. The truth is, if you are unhappy with someone, or something, change it. End of story. There is no waiting around, things can get better, but the odds are not in your favor. Always have a back-up plan. That is why I picked up a second job, because I knew I was on the edge of quitting this one. In the end, your happiness is more important than any paycheck, yet money will make your life better in some aspects. It is quite the dilemma when you are thinking about quitting a job that makes good money. Just like relationships, there are plenty of other people in the world, and there are plenty of jobs to go around. Raise your standards and be happy with everything you do in life.

Now, that my advice is out of the way. I feel much more relaxed about the situation. Now, I can focus more on my personal journey. Last year, I was realizing what I needed to do to change my life. This year is about applying it to my life.

Change of Plans

Sometimes we really think we have our lives figured out and then our plans crumble right in front of our eyes. This could be looked at as tragic or as a blessing. Change is never easy but it is necessary.

My entire life I have been involved in the food industry. I took Culinary Arts in High school and stuck with it all through the years and even went to college for it. Now I have my associate’s degree. I also went to Bartending school which was some-what a waste of about 700 dollars. Fun experiences but nobody will hire me without experience from a bar somewhere. Go figure! What I am getting at is I am about to change my whole world around. I am looking for a desk job. Reason being is that I had surgery back in January on my left foot. At first, it hurt but not that bad, it was tolerable. My job threw two doubles a week at me for the past two weeks. The last few shifts have really knocked me on my ass. My foot hurts incredibly. It stays swollen and I have developed a limp. I can’t live my life like this. For example, this morning around 1ish  I went out downtown with a few co-workers and a buddy of theirs. It was a good time but irresponsible. I had a bad limp walking. It’s like as long as I am on my feet it is fine but as soon as I sit down I am screwed. Basically, I have to keep walking on it to “loosen” it up. It sucks so much and it is kinda embarrassing but I wanted to go out. Not that brightest of ideas. I forgot my ID when we were almost there. My fellow co-worker, who I barely know, says well take my car back and grab your ID. I’m thinking this isn’t a good idea at all but I don’t really have much choice. It was a stupid decision on her part and I don’t know why she would trust me with her car. I was with Luke. Yes, the immature asshole from work, the one who I have already slept with his bestfriend. He’s a red-flag. But he asked me to hang out, and since I already had plans I decided to ask him to come along. No harm done. Except he’s cute and constantly flirting around me. But I am in control and I have resisted any temptations with him. Although, I am starting to believe I am attracted to the guys I know are a bad idea. It is quite strange but I can see this pattern within myself. I suppose it is true we always want what we can not have. In this case I can not have him because he is not good for me. Blah.

Anyways, I am hoping for this desk job at my cousin’s job. It starts off at 17 an hour then goes to 15 an hour with a possible 1000 a month incentive. If I can land that job it would be perfect. 40 hours a week, Monday-Friday. If I don’t get that one, there is another one open for 12 an hour. These jobs involve collecting money from hospitals and customers over the phone. It doesn’t seem like it would be that different to learn. I am a fast learner. Also, one more option I have is at a place this guy on my facebook works at. Two positions. Customer service 16 an hour, land transportation( I think) 14.50 an hour. So I have 4 options. All amazing pay. All I can do is have hope that I will get one of them. I need something reliable and with benefits. I am getting older and I have to start planning for my future. Serving tables aren’t gonna cut it like I thought it would.

Another new change, I am 90 percent sure I am going back to college for business. Not only would it give me more options for jobs but I may still be able to pursue my goal in the future. Opening my own catering business. I love to cook but I haven’t in months, due to surgery, break-up, working, laziness, etc. But no more! Tuesday night, it’s on! I am gonna cook my favorite chicken dish. It is not going to be easy because this was my ex-boyfriend’s favorite thing I made for him and it was the last meal I made when he decided not to show up and send me a text saying it was over for good. WONDERFUL. So needless to say I am going to be emotionally challenged but I am not going to let it stop me. My mom also really loves this dish and I am going to use that as my motivation to replace the negative emotions and thoughts of my ex. She has done so much for me and helped me in ridiculous amounts. I feel it is the least I could do is make this for her. Not to mention we didn’t even have an Easter dinner. I wanted to make it tonight, but my foot is so bad. The past few days, when I got off I asked my mom to bring the crutches to the car cause I didn’t want to put anymore pressure on it. I usually get my ice pack but lately, I have been going straight to the bath. I can’t live this way…I can take physical pain pretty well but I have cried and cried because of this pain in my foot. I can’t take it anymore. I hope by cutting back my hours this week it won’t be so hard on me. Rant over. College, work, and new opportunities in my future. Single and honestly, I don’t have time for someone when I need to figure out all these things for myself! No need for disappointments. If something happens, then it happens but I am not going out of my way to find it.

Thoughts on Money

Money is a powerful thing. We all want it. We all need it. We all work for it. Sometimes it’s a gift. Sometime’s it’s a curse. The more I think about money the more I am truly sick to my stomach. Our currency here in the United States is worthless if you really think about it. When the dollar first came out I know that silver and gold were used to back up the bills, therefore giving them value. Tell me the last time you came across a “silver certificate.” I have never came across one and probably never will in my lifetime. Our dollar bills simply say “federal reserve” across the top which means the money we make is technically a loan to our government from the federal reserve. Think down deeper…all the money we spend,every dime we work for, and we earn..is a debt. Astounding huh? I learned about this issue in high school and it really shocked me. Of course, most of us already know this ridiculous fact.

In society, money can do good things for you as well as ruin your life. It is up to you as an individual to control your perspective on money. Money is only used for “organization” of society. It is the key to every single person’s life and I find this not okay. I feel there are far more important things in life than this raging hunger for cash. I hate to admit it but even I am driven to make more money. I know that having money is the only way I can live a good life according to society. Right? Wrong. Money is not the key to happiness by any means. I have often thought to drop off the grid. To quit my job and live life the way it was first lived. On the road. In nature. On Earth. Get away from all the buildings and cars. Really take some time to explore the land and enjoy the simple things in life. The things that honestly matter the absolute most. Plant a garden. Take a hike. Lend a helping hand to someone in need. These are the things that are important. I know I could not survive if I decided to act upon this thought. But if enough people thought this way, imagine the possibilities. Why would we need money?

I am going to dream for a minute because why not? I wish I lived in a world where everyday I could be in a new place, meeting new people and trying new foods. Learning about new cultures and their way of life. A world where everyone would help one another without expecting some kind of pay out. A place where food was grown on the land and shared freely. Food and water are some things this Earth offers us naturally. So why are we paying for chemical-processed junk in the grocery stores? It is because we are in the system now. We are apart of society. We are apart of this sick twisted reality that is controlled by a select people. If people would only open their hearts and understand the reason we are alive. We are alive to be happy and take advantage of all the Earth has to offer us while we are here. Why make things complicated? My mind can not comprehend war, hate, power, or any other negative actions. I literally can not fathom those things because my heart is too kind. Open your eyes to the truth people and see that there is more to life than money, even if that is all our lives consist of. At least, take time to enjoy what matters when you can and appreciate the simplicity of life. If only we could come together and make it that way…